I need help!!! I really don’t know what to do. So three years ago, I met this guy online (on Facebook) and we started talking. He is totally not my type and I never had any romantic feelings for him. Anyway, we started chatting mostly about “naughty stuff” and became great friends. I enjoyed a lot spending my time with him. He lives in another country but we ended up having some “adult fun” together since we were both single. I told him I was not interested in a romantic relationship and he said that was fine for him. After a while it became apparent that he had a huge crush for me. As soon as I realized this I suggested that we should stop “messing out”. This guy is EXTREMELY EXTREMELY sensitive and I did not want to hurt his feelings. I kept talking to him about other stuff and we used to spend like 7 hours a day chatting day and night. Soon however things started to become crazy. This person would not allow me to talk to my other friends (even girls), play video games or even manage my Facebook business when I was online. I have several “Facebook Pages” that I do business on and require constant maintenance, but he would not let me do anything. He just wanted to talk for hours and hours. He would not even let me go to sleep. I would say “Hey Mark, I have to go now – Got to wake up early tomorrow” and he would say “Wait – wait – just a second – I got something to show you!” and that second became an hour and the process repeated itself again and again until 6:00am in the morning! At the end I was forced to invent that my computer had a “timer” that would automatically shut it off for updates at 1:00am. I really used to enjoy spending my time with this guy but his obsession with “talking” really made me uncomfortable being around him. As soon as I logged in on Facebook, he would want to “talk”. This continued for about 5-6 months. In the meantime, I lost my job and didn't have much time to spend online as beforesince I was searching for a new one. Whenever I got on Facebook, he would immediately pop up wanting to "talk". So I decided to turn off my chat, giving as an excuse that I was working on my business, but that didn't help! I would comment on a Facebook page or group and he would reply to ALL my comments. Then after a few seconds, he would write in the chat "You on? I need to tell you something!" and he would begin telling me some trivial stuff. In the end, I was forced to quit logging in to Facebook. I stopped doing updates, talking to friends or posting on pages. That was hard to do because I have, or rather had some very good Facebook friends who live overseas and I can no longer communicate with them! In the meantime, Mark found another friend to "talk" to. I and this guy were the only friends he had left since the others all blocked him or put him on their ignore list. He behaves like this with everyone both online and in real life and obviously people get uncomfortable with his ways and eventually end up cutting him out from their lives. Now, a few weeks ago, the other guy he was talking to did the same and I am the ONLY person that still answers him (I try to do so by email to avoid the lengthy conversations which I really don’t have time for even if I wanted to). Even after three years, whenever I try to log in to Facebook, he still follows me and comments on all my comments in groups or on pages and still insists that he wants to “talk” (as that will make me feel better according to him). I feel trapped and harassed which is very very sad because I actually used to enjoy this person but an overdose of Mark isn’t what I need. Now, why don’t I block or remove this guy or at least ignore him? First, despite this crazy behavior of his, he is a wonderful guy. I used to love chatting with him before it became apparent that stalking was an integral part of the way he deals with people. Second I am the ONLY friend he got left. Last time we chatted he mentioned SUICIDE after his other friend stopped talking to him and I don’t want anything bad to happen. Also, he always sends me gifts, makes portraits of me, cries when I am sad and shows me so much respect that I don’t want to upset him anyway. I do want him in my life really as I consider him a good friend. I just want him to understand that the way he deals with people is NOT normal. I know some will say – “Be honest with him – tell him how you feel!” AND I DID! I went as far as to tell him (when other people blocked him) that the reason why that happened is that they don’t like to be stalked and that if he quit that kind of behavior, he would make many friends and have long lasting relationships with them. His reply was that I was wrong – that they are just “assholes” and that although he may appear a “LITTLE” needy, he was just trying to be a good friend and get interested in their lives. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt Mark, or be the cause of himself doing something to harm himself, but I really want to be FREE again online. I am mostly an introvert. I like staying on my own. I am not a sociable person and this overdose of “friendship/stalking” is really upsetting me. I need advice! Please help me.
He's obsessed with you and you should block me. If he does threaten suicide: a) he's bluffing and b) if he does try to commit suicide, it's not your fault, it's his He seriously has some psychological problems. If you're on FB, say you're busy and tell him to leave you alone.
I don't have the guts to do that. He writes poems for me and leaves me memes saying stuff like "I am so Lucky to have a friend like you. Knowing that we will be friends forever makes me strong". He tells me he is ready to give me a kidney if I ever need one. Yes, he is making me uncomfortable and feeling trapped but I really would feel like shit if I block him thinking about all the sufferring I am causing to him.
How does he even has the time for that? Doesn't he need to work? In any case, I think you should be brutally honest with him. 1) Tell him that he is a nice guy and you enjoy talking to him and wish to keep in touch. 2) Tell him that because he is your friend it is your duty to be honest and straightforward with him and what you are about to say is not meant to be offend or hurt his feelings. 3) Tell him how his behavior is making you feel and point out that it is NOT NORMAL but symptomatic of psychological issues. If he does not believe you point out to him that none of your other friends do that to you and none of your friends think it is normal. 4) Offer him assistance to seek help for his issues. If he still disagrees with your opinion that he is obsessive, challenge him to ask a professional if his behavior is within the bounds of normalcy. If he is right he has nothing to lose. If he is wrong, then he just learned something important about himself. It is imperative that you will not let the conversation to drift to other topics and always focus on the fact that he has issues that desperately need addressing. He might hurt his feelings but the only alternative to that is that you lose your health which I'm sure he wouldn't want to. Remember, you have been more than generous and that telling him what you think is a great favor to him. He is the one who is being unreasonable.
