1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Trying to be a good brother and father figure

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by dylanisawsome19, Jan 3, 2016.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. dylanisawsome19

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chattanooga
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So all the legal proceedings are over and I have full custody of my little brother. I'm trying to not only be a good brother but also a good father figure too him... The only problem is the only thing I have to go on is the example our father set... Which is what not to do... But I don't know what to do how do I find a balance between being a fun older brother and responsible father figure.
     
  2. NateC7

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2016
    Messages:
    133
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia
    Well being a fun older brother is just like hanging out, being a friend. Being a father figure is probably doing responsible things like making sure your little brother is doing all right academically and socially. Offer help with school work if he needs it. Set up a routine around the house and some ground rules. I don't know how old your little brother is, but being a good father figure would just be taking responsibility of the fact that you are the current guardian of this kid. You need to give him the things he needs to go out and be social, do well in school, etc. I hope this helps :slight_smile:
     
  3. SemiCharmedLife

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,062
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Remember you're not in this alone. Find people to talk to who can give you guidance on this. That may be other relatives, parents of your friends, counselors, or someone who you really trust for advice. You're doing a huge and amazing thing, but as cliché as it sounds it really does take a village to raise a child. Don't be afraid to find that village.
     
  4. Ram90

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,108
    Likes Received:
    394
    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Try to find examples of a good father figure. Plenty of them exist all around. You don't have to know any personally, but I'm sure you can find them.

    I personally commend you for taking custody of your little brother. It's a brave move and a respectful one at best. :slight_smile:

    The only thing I can advice is try to fun, but strict. Don't live your life imposing rules on him, but don't be too lenient either. Every relationship is an experiment. There isn't a rulebook or guide you can follow when raising somebody. So don't be afraid to experiment, I'm sure you'll do well.
     
  5. j0hn

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2016
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TX
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    While this isn't exactly the most enlightening piece of advice, don't forget that in his own way your father is a model of what not to do. Having dealt with your dad, you understand what doesn't work. Ergo, do not follow his steps. Make your own.

    You are going to have successes and failures as a father figure, so i recommend not trying to be the perfect role model. Also, as you already have an existing relationship as his older brother, I feel that trying to redefine yourself as his "father" could be challenging. Be his brother. Work with that existing relationship and build off of that.

    You have your own standards and expectations out of life. So long as you abide by those and continue to grow with your sibling, your both will be just fine.
     
  6. bingostring

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2008
    Messages:
    2,083
    Likes Received:
    113
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    What a wonderful responsibility to have!! That is quite unique.

    Be a brother but earn his respect so that he can always turn to you whatever the problem ... and when you need to be firm he will also listen to you.

    As others have said, is there someone, a parent who can 'mentor' you and be someone you can turn to when YOU need advice?
     
    #6 bingostring, Jan 4, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2016
  7. BlueLion

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Spain
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    That's so sweet. I'm so glad for you and your little brother. :slight_smile:

    You will find the balance. I'm sure. :wink:
     
  8. dylanisawsome19

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2015
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chattanooga
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Another factor I have to balance is being a full time student I'm gonna switch as many classes as possible to online but even so it's a lot...
     
  9. BlueLion

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2015
    Messages:
    331
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Spain
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Wow. I supposed so. You'll manage to do it.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.