I'm unsure where to put this post at, but if it is in wrong area then I apologize. I've mentioned here on the forum that I'm 24 years old and consider myself bi curious. I am a virgin still. I never attempted to date anyone(guy or girl) in my life. There were points I did consider the THOUGHT but never attempted it. And anyone could read myas posts here, you'd get a feel for my past and everything. I did have crushes towards girls I liked and the random sexual fantasies towards girls and ladies and everything, but I never made an attempt to ask a girl out. And then were points I had some feelings towards close guy friends and everything. And then the whole feelings developed alongside time, I had feelings towards girls. I'm not gay per se, but I consider myself bi curious. I haven't really pursued dating but there was the thoughts I wanted to. I'm 24 year old and I just feel kind've of fucked up mentally regarding not dating when I was in my teens-early 20s. So I feel some of this bittersweet feeling when I see younger couples(straight or gay) walking around together at my college or bars I would go to. Maybe it's a bittersweet or jealous feeling I have. It's life...so yeah. :dry: I really do desire some relationship. I mean I reached some awareness of being bi curious when I reached some peak of my sexual feelings towards guys(not all guys) the past Spring. I mean, I feel like putting the pursuit of wanting to date or have sex with girls/females on hold, and maybe pursuit having some relationship with mostly straight/bi curious guys. I mean I feel fucking confused on things: to experiment a while through my 20s with "mostly straight" guys or just maybe have some hook ups with women and maybe the occasional experimenting with a guy. I'm confused to how to approach my sexuality. I have some bi curious sexual awakening, when I acknowledged I had sexual feelings towards guys that "fit my preference" or really close male friends I was with. I have masturbated looking at images of women; I have masturbated thinking about some random homoerotic fantasy or have homoerotic fantasy involving close male friends. Or the brief turn on passing a guy that fit my preferences. I do get turned on passing women I find as "hot." So it's hard to say, if I'm straight or gay or bi or what. I have had brief moments where I have been really affectionate towards close guy friends(see my other posts for more info). But everything I've done the past few years, I never really settled down and found the right relationship. I've been friends and such, but I haven't found the person I wanted to settle down and be with forever. I almost had that when I was with someone I had felt was almost a best friend. I mentioned a lot here about my friend Travis and everything. I felt some really strong platonic and emotional and some moderate sexual feelings towards him. And the closeness. He was 18-19, I was 22-23. We spent time together, we had good and bad times together. We hugged each other really close. I ran my hand and petted his hair and he didn't complain or objected while we hugged, that feeling was really strong for me. And I felt like he enjoyed it. And people would want to, if he and I "hooked up"? No we didn't, as he's with a relationship with a girl. I can live with that, but I felt that "relationship" with Travis, was the beginning of some sexual awakening. I almost had a three some with Travis, his FWB close female friend, and I; I was begining to realize I had sexual feelings towards close close male friends or guys that had some attractions I felt towards. The things I feel really fucking confused over is what to do: 1. I don't know how to pursue a relationship 2. I never dated. I really want to know how to approach a dating thing towards girls or straight guys. 3. I'm unsure if I should just have sex with bi curious guys or women or what. 4. I feel somewhat conflicted or confused of what my sexuality is. I know I don't see myself as purely straight or gay. I feel that I'm within that specturm. 5. I do see myself inclined to experiment with some sexual relationship towards guy that fit my preferences or attraction towards and women as well. But I just won't want to do something and I feel to assume that "I'm gay..or I'm bi" 6. I don't want some label to mark me forever.
Considering your questions one (or two) at a time... This is somewhat of a separate issue from questions about your orientation, I think. I'm sure people here can offer advice on this, plus there are a lot of resources both online and in bookstores offerring advice (hopefully some of it good) on this topic. However, rather by definition no straight guy is going to want to do anything with you. If you limit yourself to 'bi-curious' guys, the potential pool of candidates is going to be rather small. Not impossible, but rather small. Why not include actual gay or bi-sexual guys as possible people to date/have sex with? So...boiling this last bit down to basics, what I'm getting here is that you feel some amount of attraction to both men and women. However, you're afraid that if you do anything sexual with a guy it will forever 'mark' you as gay or bisexual. Assuming I'm basically correct in this assessment, I would point out/suggest the following: a) Experimenting sexually with a guy (or guys) does not, in and of itself,make you either gay or bisexual. The act of experimenting leads to conclusions, it doesn't create them. b) If you experiment sexually with a guy (or guys) and find that you enjoy it so much that you only want to continue to have sex (and relationships) with guys, then the apparent conclusion would be that you are gay. c) If you experiment sexually with a guy (or guys) and find that you enjoy it, but also find women sexually attractive and that you want to/are able to pursue sex and relationships with them as well, then the apparent conclusion would be that you are bisexual. d) If you experiment sexually with a guy (or guys) and find that the reality is not as attractive to you as the fantasy or that you actually have no interest in doing stuff with guys - but you find sex and relationships with women satisfying, then the apparent conclusion would be that you are straight. You'll note that the key point in all these scenarios is that the act of experimenting provides you with information that leads to a conclusion that you yourself are coming to. It does not generate a conclusion just because you did something. It seems to me that your fear of labeling or 'marking' yourself has left you more or less stuck. You want to do something but are afraid that if you do, it will somehow hang a sign over your head telling everyone that you did something (and then they will 'label' you and judge you based on that label). In reality, only you and the people you've done stuff with will know what you've done. At least until/unless you decide to come out. I assume you're asking for advice here, so here's mine: If you want to find out what it's like to have sex with a guy (or have a relationship with a guy), then go for it. But be honest about your level of experience and what you are looking for (start with being honest with yourself what you want and what you are looking for - a hookup? a relationship? someone willing to 'show you the ropes'?, etc.) - both with yourself and with any potential partners. Also, don't worry that experimenting will 'make' you be anything. That isn't how this works - no one and nothing can 'make' you be anything different from what you already are - although you can make yourself behave differently if you try hard enough - and are willing to put up with the various negative consequences. Above all, be true to yourself - and let any labels take care of themself. My 2c worth, Todd
