I and a few other trans and allied adults have been talking to this trans kid (about 15) for the past few months in order to help connect him with resources. It all started when another trans man asked for people to help find resources in my town for this kid. I accepted the offer since the kid was apparently suicidal and having a rough time at school and at home. His parents were apparently abusive and forced him to go to school in a dress. At first he seemed like an okay kid. I gave him some local groups, advised him to speak to his guidance counselor and hang in there. He would ignore or scoff at most advice any of the people he was talking to gave him (including a family friend of mine), which basically came along the same line. Soon, he starts messaging me about shit like his high school relationship troubles (which was weird, banal, and out of nowhere) and he invited me to his high school football games (which I, of course, declined. That's just weird.) He would send videos of himself singing or talking about his nephews and nieces and call me while I was working. He even messaged my boyfriend to say "hi". This weirded my boyfriend out and he never replied. There were also times he would claim his parents wouldn't let him dress in men's clothing only to post photos on Facebook of himself wearing men's clothing on an account his mother was able to see. And the other day, he messages me frantically saying he was accused of raping a fellow student. "Oh I can't tell my parents. The police officer said he wouldn't tell either" It all came out of the blue. I really get bad vibes from the kid but at the same time I feel bad not helping him out. He wants people to send him old clothing and binders. He wanted me to send him an old packer (which I could get in trouble for most like if I sent it). And frankly, he annoys me. I'm tired of how he pesters and treats me like I'm a kid his age. I'm a grown man. This is fucking weird. How do I handle this?
I'm not very experienced in this type of thing myself but what I would do is sit him down and have a frank conversation with him about boundaries. Tell him things he's done that are not okay with and you can continue to help him when he needs it, but he can't cross the line like that. He's probably acting this way because he doesn't get attention and love at all at home and so when someone finally reaches out wanting to support him, he feels like he needs to do all these weird things and over-dramatize his situation to keep them in his life and capture their attention. He needs to learn that that's not how you deal with things, but that's a hard thing to teach. I think talking to him is the only way to do it well. Set the boundaries, but still ensure him that you are always there to help him if he needs it (assuming you still want to help him).
If you're uncomfortable with this, make sure to set your boundaries with him. He has crossed the line, and you've been pretty tolerant, it would seem. But also note that this kid is going through a tough time and needs friends. Of course, preferably friends his own age. A lack of peer support could cause him to lean on you more. On another side of things, he might not view it as disrespectful. He probably sees you as a close friend, and wants you to be a part of his life. I can tell you from experience, when you're a depressed teen, you can get really desperate for supports(and it may come across as rude, inconsiderate, showoffy, arrogant, manipulative, self centered, presumptuous, etc-- But behind that, it's actually saying "Help") And yeah. It looks pathetic afterwards-- but in the moment, you're just trying to stay above water. So if you want a glass half full, take it as a compliment; he trusts you. The solution to your problem, however... Like Bubbles said, It would be a good idea to confront him to set boundaries. The long term solution(best for both of you) is that he finds friends/supports closer to his age that can help him. Keep encouraging him to find support groups and talk to his guidance counselor. Encourage he make friends at school. Or you could even direct him here. It's not like he'll find you among the hundreds of other members anyways.
Thanks by the way you too. Believe me, it helped. And that's the thing. I definitely know that he's going through a tough time and probably wants attention. So over the past week, been trying to both acknowledge that while setting boundaries. He's actually been pretty quiet this week, although a couple days ago, he literally sent me a dozen selfies all in a row with no explanation. :dry:
