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I got gaydarred... any advice?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Nordland, Jan 14, 2016.

  1. Nordland

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    So i was in an especially boring Biology lesson ( who needs an hour learning about the function and roles of guard cells) and someone had struck up a conversation about girls, i pretended to be mildly interested. The conversation then tails off a bit but towards the end my friend says, " Hey, i know you are gay, i can just tell". I did that thing where you don't really deny or accept the claims and he let it stand at that. Do you think i should tell him or not? I kind of feel bad not telling him but at the same time being in an all boys school is quite a homophobic atmosphere. Any advice.


    (and yes i just noticed i may have been more suited to the coming out section, but yeah, too late)
     
  2. Secrets5

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    Hello,

    Maybe ask him why he can tell? [this might be a false sterotype/belief, but I thought gay people know when other people are gay]. If he's gay himself then there's a good chance he's not against it.
     
  3. Andrew99

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    ^mostly what secret said. I think maybe he's gay with a good gaydar and likes you. Maybe ask him if he's gay and then you guys can go out with each other and be bf's! :slight_smile:
     
  4. Euler

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    What I have noticed is that straight people don't really ask such direct questions about your sexuality so there is a good chance that there is something behind his question.

    If you want to probe the air first, you can ask meta questions such as "would that matter?", "why do you ask?" or "are you?".
     
  5. Nordland

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    Yeah I don't think he's gay.. Someone walked in on him and his girlfriend ...erm yeah... while trying to find the toilet at a party...
     
  6. Andrew99

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    Oh okay well at least he doesn't seem to be a complete homophobe.
     
  7. guitar

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    "I know you're gay, I can just tell." "Good, can you help me find a boyfriend?" :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  8. bubbles123

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    If you don't want to come out to him, don't feel like you owe him that. That's your own business and maybe he didn't mean harm by it, but it's rude to pressure someone like that, gay or not when they're not out about it.
     
  9. Lindsey23

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    There are a lot of gay men who had girlfriends/fooled around with girls when they were young, I think that's pretty common. So he could be gay. Or bi. It's possible. In my experience gays have the best gaydar. But don't feel pressure to come out to him if you aren't comfortable. I don't think he should have said what he did because it put you on the spot, but maybe that was just his way of trying to open up the conversation. If you trust him it could be a good conversation to have. At the very least you'll have an ally.
     
  10. Chip

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    This is sort of a no-win situation. If you deny... he'll probably know you're lying. If you tapdance and give a non-response-response, he'll probably figure that out as well. So, assuming you're prepared for others in your school to know (these things are rarely kept under wraps), the best option is to tell him.

    I'll also concur with Lindsey, it's very possible he's bi, or gay and, uh, playing along by dating (and having sex with) girls. But no way to tell for sure. In any case, it would seem that he doesn't appear homophobic.

    It's a tough situation to be in under any circumstances, but ultimately it's up to you... it may be hard to keep this under wraps, so if you can stomach it, coming out may be the best choice.