I'm losing my acceptance in being gay . I see straight couples especially in school and I get super jealous as I feel like I won't ever find someone to love because I'm gay. I feel like if I was straight there are more to pick from. And all my crushes including my crush for 3 years back when I was 13 is straight and I feel like I should be with him. It kills me the fact that I can never go out with him. This is making me feel very lonely and is making me lose my acceptance. I am starting to feel that it's probably not right to be gay if homophobic people exist. Honestly I want to be straight and don't know what to feel about being gay anymore
When you are still at school it's easy to become despondent and feel as though you are in a minority of one, even though that's really unlikely. Even so, if you are not aware of other gay people you do begin to form the opinion that you will never experience love and affection and it can give rise to feelings of jealousy and regret over crushes. It's a long time since I was at school, but I can remember what it was like -- I had many of the same feelings. It is unlikely that you are the only gay person in your year, but it does take a lot of courage for young people to come out while they are still at school. Even though attitudes are changing, there is still a risk of homophobic bullying and abuse and that's something nobody wants to face. I'm sure there are other gay people who are not ready or willing to come out now. When you leave school, you may decide to go on to college or university where people are more open and mature about relationships and sexuality and that can open up a number of options for you. Even if you do not intend to continue education, you are at the age where you can start to look at the possibility of relationships outside of school (providing you are careful and sensible about it). Don't lose hope or confidence in yourself. I have been there and I can say that it doesn't last forever, but it is difficult while you are having to put up with it.
