Should I just get over it?

First off, I just want to tell you that you are not being lazy. That you are clearly doing everything within your power to care for you and your toddler- that takes long dedicated hours and effort- not laziness.
It's not as simple as "getting over it", you never get over some things. You just learn to live with it. I think that anyone who has read this, and owns a brain, will realise that if you could just "get over it" you wouldn't be in this situation today.
Though I am unable to provide a mass amount of advice, I'll try my best. Whenever you're particularly anxious, blow on your thumb. This helps to calm you down as the nerve reacts to it. I've found it works on some occasions. Also, are you getting a sufficient amount of sleep? I'm not saying that this is your fault if you aren't, as you are clearly going through some rough patches in your life.
If you need any moral support, just drop me a message on my wall <3 I hope that everything clears up for you.

 

Hi Riz I can hear you are worrying a lot about having anxiety and people around you not quite understanding what its like.

Its really good that you are going to go get a test for GAD it shows that you really want to get better. You said that even after going to therapists for 6 years you arent feeling much better. Have you told them that you arent feeling much better? Also is the therapist a psychologist or something else? I have depression and the only thing that worked for me was seeing a psychologist and sometimes they arent always a good match so you might need to see a few psychologists to find one that matches.

There is also medication for anxiety as well depending on how severe your anxiety is but i dont know much about that.

Its really good that your family are supporting you even if your mum doesnt really understand what you are going through. I have no idea how much effort it would take to raise a toddler but it would be a lot. You seem to focus a lot on what you arent doing instead of what you are doing. You said nothing else gets done, im sure that a lot of stuff gets done. Does a lot of stuff get done?

You mentioned that you dont have a lot of motivation. Maybe you could try giving yourself a list of a few things to do in a day. Even if they are just little things, but make yourself do them even if you dont feel like it. So for example watch a tv show (You dont need to be really specific if its something that you like doing, just so you dont feel forced into doing something later on. Basically like a reward for doing the other things on your list.) And put things on there like those unfinished projects you mentioned.

How is your head feeling now? Could you come up with a way out of that situation next time before you get to that point? Like saying to your mum that you need a break and go outside and just breathe and listen to birds and stuff. Have you heard of mindfulness? It might sound really stupid and bizarre but it works basically when people think its either about the future or the past. Mindfulness is about being in the moment. There is an Australian website that I used which helped me a lot. Basically you sign up (Its all safe and theres no spam trust me) and listen to podcast type things which are sort of like meditation. I really think that you should try it. Here is the link Smiling Mind.

It sounds like your mum doesnt know what you are going through. I think a lot of people who suffer from mental illnesses know the feeling, my mum always trys to help me but she just doesnt understand what its like for me, but at the same time it also shows that she cares in her own way. You asked your mum too look up GAD which is really good and might help her better understand what you are going through. Maybe sitting down and talking to her about it would help or even getting your therapist (if you are seeing a psychologist) to explain it to your mum.

Its really good that you talked to her about not making you feel guilty. How did that go?

Its great that you are starting to have a routine which is where i was going with the whole make a list of things to do idea which is still a good idea to try. Im glad that its making you feel a lot better.

Im hearing that your mum is quite annoyed about your low level of motivation. Is that right? If so just remember that its her problem. Those are her feelings and her thoughts and independent from you. What other people say and do shouldnt matter to you its none of your business.

I know the feeling of being tired of your own sickness but as you said in your edit you are so much more than the illness you suffer from. Think about all the other parts of you, being a mother and all of your projects. Im really sick of mental health not being seen as a real problem as well, people act like its all in the persons head which is is but its a real thing that cant just be turned off or easily solved since as you know sometimes there is no motivation to do anything even if it helps you feel better like having a routine.

You should just get over it. By that i dont mean flick a switch and turn it off but that you will feel better with help and support from the people around you and a good psychologist. It will take time but it will be worth it. What do your therapists say? With my depression i got to a point when i was just not motivated to do anything even if it was going to make me feel better, my psychologist basically said to me that i need to go and do thing to help my self if i want to get better because thats the only way im going to get better besides her holding my hand all day walking me through it. Its hard but like i said it will be worth it and im sure you can already see that with how much having a routine has helped.

You said that you dont know what to do with your self anymore. Do you have any hobbies? Or anything that you used to like a while ago before this? Maybe you could start doing that again. Im really glad that you dont feel suicidal, if you ever do feel free to message me (Or anyone really).

EC can feel like screaming into the void sometimes but there are people on here who have been through things similar to you and may have something helpful. You sound like you are really struggling to find a good therapist You said you met some from different categories. Im not sure what you mean there but there are lots of different types of therapy that psychologists can use so if one doesnt work sometimes a different one will. Maybe seeing a psychiatrist would be a good idea at this point because you have been dealing with it for a while so a psychiatrist sounds like the best thing to do, especially because they can also prescribe medication (So can doctors for anxiety but psychiatrists have a focus on psychology not everything like a gp). That might be a really good way to get some help.

You said that you want to be the person that sometimes shows. Is that your best self, the one you like the most? If so be that person. Im worried about what you said it sounds like you may be losing hope. if so i really hope you talk to a psychiatrist. Could you promise me that you will do that?

What do you usually feel anxious about?

 

Ok its not good that they are saying things along the lines of "that's unfortunate".

CBT is really good for helping with most mental illnesses. Why did she stop it? Im not sure if you know or not but some of the stuff i mentioned including the making a list of things to do is part of CBT. If she is being transphobic its good that you are going to ask for someone else.

Have they actually said that you have social anxiety though? If they havent said it you might not even have it. There is something called medical student syndrome where medical students who are learning all about an illness suddenly feel like they have that illness and can see all of the symptoms on them self. What im trying to say is that you might not have social anxiety even if you are convinced that you have it. I think i mentioned it on a different thread but ill bring it up here since it applies. In year 10 i was convinced that I had depression, i could see most of the symptoms and everything but when i went to see someone for it they told me i didnt. I felt sure that I had depression though. I have it now and it is a lot worse than what i felt in year 10. Unless a psychologist, psychiatrist or a mental health nurse says you have social anxiety assume you dont, same with anxiety. You do have lots of anxious thoughts im not denying that im just saying that you might not have it severe enough for it to be considered social anxiety. Of course I may be wrong and you could have it but just in case i though i would tell you that. However it is obviously causing issues even if it isnt anxiety so seeing a different psychologist might help a lot.

Why aren't you getting anywhere? What is stopping you?

You said that you dont work well with medication but you have been refusing it. Im confused as to what you mean. If you havent tried it and its an option it could be helpful, what ever you are scared about you could discuss with the doctor and figure out if it is right for you.

I think that you should bring this up with your therapist, that you lack motivation to do things. Have you tried making a list of things that you need to do? I really suggest that you do that. Its really good that you have enough motivation to go and watch tv shows and do fast sketches to give yourself a break.

Its good that you have stopped cutting that must have been really hard. I know this might sound like a strange question but why did you stop cutting?

Ok now apply that reason to you hurting your head. Some people find just holding ice in their hand helps a lot to distract them from their pain, which is exactly what you are doing by hurting your head. Distracting your self from the pain when it becomes overwhelming. I think this would be a good thing to mention to your therapist as well.

Please try the mindfulness thing for me. The blowing on your thumb thing that FoxEars mentioned is really similar to it, they both ground you. In other words bring you in to the present moment. Just try the first one and see what you think.


Has your mum said anything to you about it now? Its really good that she is a strong person and is really good at supporting you.

Its good that you have lots of hobbies and try out many new things. I think you should put some of those down on a to do list and do some today or at least one. It will help you become more motivated. Give yourself some time off of social media and do something else, it will help.

 

Maybe you should ask the psychologist why they keep asking questions about seemingly unrelated things. Maybe she wants to know more about what is going on so that she can help you, not just with your social anxiety but other things as well which will lessen the impact of your social anxiety. You said it was bad a year ago. So it has gotten a lot better?

I still think that making some sort of plan for a day would help even if its just one thing that you have to do that day. Just so that you can start to become motivated. Just try it for me ok even if it is difficult. If you really dont want to mention that you would like behavioral activation therapy to become motivated enough to do things again.

Thats not good, hopefully you get into see someone soon.

That is my only suggestion, the reason im suggesting it is because it helped me when I had no motivation at all and just sat around being depressed making things worse. I can hear it makes you panic and im sorry that you feel that way, maybe someone else has another suggestion. So you want to come up with another solution, you could do something call structured problem solving. Basically you list out every single possible solution you can think of even if they are stupid then if you need to do the pros and cons of each solution and finally pick a solution and try it. I know it sounds like a lot of work but it would be worth it since you would be a lot more motivated. Again im suggesting it because it worked with me for my depression so i really think you should try it or try to come up with a solution that would work for you.

So that happened once they found out. What if people found out about you hurting your head? Its really good that you never did it again. Trust me ice works a lot faster than you think again i have done it and it has worked for me. Please at least try it next time.

Ok im glad that you will check the mindfulness thing. What do you think of it?

You are waiting for a day that may take a long time to come unless you do something about it. Get up and just do one of your hobbies.

You dont ever need to be sorry for being a total mess, everyone is sometimes. Im glad i could help. There is nothing wrong with showing how bad you feel right now, its not your fault its the thinking patterns in your head which are bad, not you. I hope someone else gives some advice too (*hug*)

 

Tiredness can be a symptom of the GAD. Even though you sleep, the quality of sleep isn't correct and you wake up tired?

So one enemy of GAD is to do the best you can to improve your sleep quality. Research "sleep hygiene" and follow their advice for getting proper deep sleep.