Okay so, this is the story. I'm trying to move in with my best friend jordan and my dad's being a little unfair i think. so i live with my dad for now, but am planning on moving out by the end of march. my dad had originally made me pay $120 for the car insurance and i thought that was fair, so i started paying $120 every month then he suddenly changed it up. he made me pay $160 every two weeks for living there, and i was like well, why do i all the sudden have to pay to live there? and it was because his job wasn't payng him enough, and he needed help so i rethought about it, and thought well..i'll help him out. so i started paying $160 every two weeks, ontop of my $100 phone bill, gas, and my own groceries. so basically i paid a good fair share. So then, my sister comes along, and says she's offering to give her car to me (which was my dads old car, that he gave to my sister for free) but i had to pay $1,500 for it and sign a contract. and i thought "wait, you didn't pay a dime for dads car so why do i have to all the sudden?" and so we fought about it, and i learned that my sisters husband had to pay for a new alternator, fuel pump and some other stuff that came out to be $1,500 so basically, she was making me pay her husband back because she didn't have any money to, which i thought was bullshit. so my friend Jordan and i agreed on getting an apartment, and just not having to worry about me paying $160 every two weeks and basically being broke. I gave my sister $100 as a start to pay off the car, and agreed to pay her $100 every month. and i told her i would sell the car i have now and give her the money for that, but it's gotten more complicated. first thing, was I have to pay $100 for the taxes on the car, and pay for the tag. but my dad also wants $160 for rent, ontop of the $50 i owe my sister and Me and my friend jordan have found an apartment, and I was going to save up for it, but the problem is...is that they just cut my hours where i work, and so i'm very limited with money, and i told my dad this. i told him, i was more than willing to pay the taxes and pay for the tag and inspection but i couldn't afford to give him the $160 for rent, and he said i need to pay him the $160, and i told him that I need to save up for this apartment. i told him how i'm not going to let jordan pay for all of the fee's and down payments, that i was going to do my fair share as i should. but he wouldn't let it go, and it's like i'm stuck because i can't pay everything. i'm not rich. he told me to get a full time job, and it's like i can't get one if i'm moving. i was planning on getting a second job when i got there, and it's like that's still not enough. I'm not going to just not move. I had already told my boss about transferring and she said she's going to reach out, and everything. I'm already planning to save up, and i have everything in line. we found an apartment, we just need to see if its available. and we got it. I've paid my dad a lot of money in bills, and just helping out. and i pay my own bills. i bought my iphone 6 and pay my $100 phone bill every month, and it's like, do you think its fair for him to pile up all these fee's on me knowing i'm trying to move out? what do you think i should do or say to him to convince to help me out?
You are an adult and legally your dad's responsibility to pay your bills is over. You said yourself that his job does not pay that well and he is struggling financially. Why do you expect your dad to pay for you? I can't say is what he asking fair in moral sense as you are not being very clear on the matter. However, $120/month for car insurance is awfully lot. Does it include some other costs like rent? If you are struggling financially, perhaps you should cut your spending on unnecessary items. Do you have to have iPhone 6? (Well, sounds like you are on contract anyway so it doesn't sound like you can do much about it anymore.) Why did you change your car? What was wrong with your old one? (I mean you said you paid car insurance so I assume you had one.)
I agree with Euler, it doesn't sound too unreasonable to me that your father is asking you to help pay rent. Perhaps getting a second job now would be wise if your current job isn't paying enough and you need the money to save up for the apartment, right?
excuse me, but I've been paying my bills since i was 17, i never asked him to pay anything after i got my first job. i paid for everything myself so give me a little more credit than that. and i think you need to see where i'm coming from and not just my dad. I give him $160 every TWO weeks. not every month. every two weeks. that's $320 a month. my paycheck is usually not that high, so more than half my paycheck goes to my dad. okay? and as for my iphone? there was a sale from my work on the iphones we were selling and i didn't have a phone so? and my old car is run down. the side panel is completely torn off from a wreck i had two years ago. the brakes have gone bad even though, i bought brake pads. they just need to be installed, but i can't afford it at the moment. It's just a very old car, and not to mention has a whole in the gas tank. and my dad's old car that he gave my sister doesn't have a hole in the gas tank. i've given him over a thousand dollars in helping him out. you really think it's fair to pin more on me when i'm just trying to get my life together and move? i just wanted advice on how to convince to help me out by not asking for much? and as for him financially struggling, that's his own fault. this boss of his lied, he told him salary plus commission then changed it to just commission, and i told him he needed to get a new job or he's going to be struggling on keeping up with the bills since it's hard to live off just commission but he told me i dont know what i'm talking about and guess what happens? he can't keep up with the bills, and comes to me for help. it's not fair for me to keep holding him up. if you want to talk about being an adult, why don't you understand that he needs to find a new job instead of asking me to help him out? i've helped him out a lot in recent months and not counting years. I've paid for a lot of stuff on my own, and finally when i want to get out on my own, he tries holding me back by stacking bills ontop of me knowing i'm trying to move out, and knowing there's only so much i can do, and i really don't think that's fair. i'm just asking, what can i say to convince to just let me save up. i'm not asking to be told how i'm spending my money unwisely. i hardly get to spend money on myself as it is. it's about what i make and who i give my money to at this point AS for a second job, do you really think it's wise to get a second job for only a month and then quit??? i want an honest opinion. ---------- Post added 21st Jan 2016 at 10:21 AM ---------- with this second job, i would have to change my availability at my current job which means i won't be able to transfer because they want you to have full availability when you transfer. i'm willing to get a second job when i move but now? i don't want that to affect my chances of transferring
Don't get so defensive, the guy is just trying to help. I'm sure you are doing what you think is the best, which is to compromise your needs, your father needs and everybody else's needs, and that is exhausting. On top of that, you've got your sister, who seems quite well about money : I doubt her husband would send her the mafia or anything if she needs money... I think you are going to make the right move about that shared apartment : You won't have to deal anymore with your dad (unless you feel like you want to, and some would say you should), and well, you are just growing up. Now you must understand you owe your father. From what you told us, he is struggling with money, and you owe the guy who changed your diapers, taught you to walk and all that. So, if I were you, I'd do the following : 1 - Sell that Iphone 6. Nobody needs an Iphone, or even a phone. We old farts lived without phones, and we are still around, having jobs and living normally. If you need to be available 24/7, then get the cheapest smart phone, second hand, just a phone to make and receive calls. You can get your Iphone 6 anytime... Perhaps you might want to get the 7 when it comes out, and perhaps you'll be in a much better place, financially speaking. You need to chose between instant gratification or having to deal with angry relatives all the time, wasting your time on pointless discussions about something you can avoid. What is more valuable to you? Your peace of mind or that phone? 2 - Pay your father. Get a second job, sell some stuff you don't need... Whatever, but pay him. He won't be convinced : This is not about you going out and coming back at 3 am from a party. This is about money, something he needs and you can give to him. It's a question of love, loyalty and being fair. I understand your situation, and I am not trying to be preachy or judge you, but I think you owe your father more than Apple. And it is fair to get a second job for a short period : Whatever suits your needs, as long as you don't harm anyone else, is fair, so go for it...
I know it sucks when a parent starts demanding money because they can't correctly manage their finances or they're not making enough on their own. Believe me. Just do your best to weather the storm and remember that you have plans to move out. It won't be long before you're out of his house. To be honest, I don't see where your dad is piling you with fees. You say that he's charging you money that's basically rent, car insurance, and that you have to pay taxes and tag for the vehicle that you just accepted. But, as you said, you're looking for advice on how to handle it all. Consider selling the iPhone. I acknowledge that you bought it on sale but you need the money more than you need the newest model of Apple technology. If you really need a phone, buy the cheapest replacement that you can. I'd suggest a cheaper plan altogether but I assume you're locked into a contract. Although, you may want to look into whether you qualify for one of those "Switch to our company and we'll buy out your contract" deals. If you have a good relationship with your boss, and it sounds like you do, talk to them about your cut in hours. Talk to your coworkers. If it's a thing where you work, pick up extra shifts for people who are looking for someone to cover theirs. As for a second job affecting your prospects of transferring, consider talking to your boss about that. Do they want you to have full availability now? Would full availability to your new job suffice? If it's the latter (or your work schedule is stable enough that you could fit in a second without having to worry about conflicts), get in touch with temp agencies. Those jobs are temporary by nature, so you wouldn't have to worry so much about quitting after only a few weeks. If your transfer is not a guarantee, start job hunting ASAP. Don't wait until you're all moved in and the bills are on the horizon to find a job. You don't know for sure how long it'll take. Make a budget. Estimate your income and all of your expenses. See if there's anywhere you can cut back. If you think your dad will respond to hard numbers, show it to him. Instead of thinking of your biweekly payments as money he's taking from you because he's down on his luck, think of it as paying rent.
I'm going to say this one more time. okay? i've given him over a thousand DOLLARS with bills and helping him out. don't you think it's fair for him to just let me save up and move out by the end of march? I'm willing to pay the tag and the inspection for this car, and also pay it off later on. but i need to save up for this apartment. and i think it's only fair that he lets me do that. he constantly tells me to move out and finally when i try to, he makes it financially impossible for me to do so. ---------- Post added 21st Jan 2016 at 11:43 AM ---------- i need my phone. My work has to get in touch with me, and not to mention the people at the target im transferring to are going to call me. our home phone isn't working so but I was going to sell my ld car for $500 and go off of that. does that seem good? and the reason why they want full availability, is because it just looks better, ans it makes the management easier. if i don't have full availability , they will not let me transfer over there but once i get there, i can find a new job and change my availability. i just think it's better to be able to transfer, then get a second job rather than get a second job now and quit a month later. i've quit smoking cigarettes. that's $40 back in my pocket so. i generally make about $400-$500 every two weeks. so i'll have to go off of that.
Unfortunately I'm biased towards parents in this sort of discussion. I can see where you're coming from, as a kid its stressful to have to help out your parents because they're supposed to have it all together. I see it more as helping out someone who spent thousands of dollars over the years to make sure you had a roof over your head and food in your belly but I don't know your situation so I can't argue any further than that. Do you really have to move out so soon? Can't you just hold it out a little bit longer until you're in a better place? Sounds like you have a lot of stuff to pay off. I'd focus on those before you add more bills to your plate.
Now, I don't claim to know your situation but the way you put it I cannot really help but see you being selfish and unreasonable. Your dad's responsibility to pay your bills ended the day you became legally adult and he has no moral or legal obligation to feed you anymore. When I lived with my parents for 2 years after I turned 18 I was expected to either pay rent or bring in good grades from my university classes. I was a good student so I didn't have to pay rent. After I moved out, I didn't have to worry about it anymore. I'm sure your dad would not ask you to pay bills if he was in money. However, he is not and he has to pay his bills. As long as you live with him I think it is only fair you pay for your own upkeep in the house. I don't think you really realize it but running your own household is not cheap. I pay: Rent and heating: $800/month Electricity: $35/month Water: $30/month ($8/cubic meter ~ $8/260 gallons) And that is just the house. On top of that I spend: Groceries and eating: $200/month Gas: $100/month¨ Broadband: $20/month Phone bills: $20/month (I got an old iPhone 4S from my sister for free, it works quite well) That is in total $1205/month for very basic stuff. On top of that I got to pay $600/year for car, health, home and travel insurance. Furthermore, I'm saving to buy an apartment about $1000 per month. Only after these expenses are paid I can think about getting the latest iPhone or any new stuff. To pay all this I had to take a subtenant. I don't understand why do you freak out when people give you constructive ideas how you could improve your financial situation. Do you really need iPhone 6 to talk to your boss? Wouldn't a cheaper phone do? It is too bad that your dad has mismanaged his finances. After you move out his financial problems are not yours but until that you should just suck it up. It's not fair to ask your father to subsidize you when he is barely making enough to pay his own bills.
excuse me but clearly you did not read what i wrote. if i was being selish and unreasonable, i wouldn't have paid what i needed to pay. i have given him $160 of my paycheck every two weeks ontop of my own bills, are you seriously calling me selfish? and this apartment has gas and water free. so it's not cheap but it's a good damn price considering the utilities are free. dont call me selfish without knowing how much i've paid my dad in full amount. when i didn't have to. ---------- Post added 21st Jan 2016 at 07:04 PM ---------- i didn't ask him to pay me anything. i asked for him to just let me save up on my own and im not freaking out about constructive ideas, it's more or less of "you're being selfish"
i dont appreciate being called selfish, and unappreciative. if i was that, i wouldn't have helped him out throughout the years. i just wanted honestly, a way to try and get my dad to compromise to just let me save up on my own
Like I said, I only have what you have written here and based on it I cannot agree with you. And if you have noticed neither can anyone else. If no one agrees with you perhaps the fault is not in others but can be found looking into mirror? You don't handle criticism and dissenting views very well. For your own well-being and career advancement I suggest you learn how to take criticism and listen to other's point of views even if you don't agree. Your current approach has come off as pretty immature and self-centered.
It's not immature and self centered. I pay my dad $160 every two weeks for rent because I think that's fair but I want to be able to save up on my own. How are you going too lol me selfish after clearly stating I've been paying my own bills and helping my dad out for years???? Like stop being ignorant ---------- Post added 22nd Jan 2016 at 09:39 AM ---------- Wanting to start my life over and get an apartment is selfish too I suppose? Hahahah please. Someone delete this thread or lock it before I start getting physically ill from this commentare
This is my last post on this thread. Look, it's not that he doesn't let you, it's that he can't afford letting you. Big Difference. Money is money is money. He can't. I'm not a father, but I don't think he is enjoying asking you for money. Think about it : A man asking his young daughter for money. If you can't see he really needs this money, then I can't help you... I doubt you are going to understand this, but I want you to hear it, at least once in your life : You don't own shit in this life. All that we think we own will break, be stolen or just useless to us when all this show is over. You don't own shit. No one does. And if you think you do, you are delusional, but don't worry, it happens to the best of us. Ok, I'm done, I wish you luck... I'm not your father, so I won't tell you how to live your live, or even suggest you to change. Do whatever you want, but for your own good, just try to be fair.
He can. It's only a month dude. I'm moving out in March. The fact my dad said I'm not selfish just proves something. I've already worked out something at this point with him and I personally thank everyone for responding but as for you. You're rude and inconsiderate. To honestly tell me I'm selfish after I told you I've paid him a lot in bills and just being nice. I don't appreciate you throwing adjectives at me that aren't even close to being true. And yes I do need my phone. And I do own it. Thank you very much. I paid for that phone so I own it. If you truly want to argue with someone you don't know. My phone isn't useless. My home phone is broken and this is the only thing I got left to communicate with people. If I didn't have my phone, I wouldn't be able to call for help if I was stuck somewhere so don't sit there and say it's useless when it's not. You're delusional for calling me selfish after staying over and over that I've paid my dad and paid off my own bills since I was 17. I was being a responsible adult. I've spent money on people who've needed it. So DO NOT CALL ME SELFISH. i don't appreciate it at all. I've done my part and I only think it's fair, I am allowed to save up money for this apartment. And start my own life. I'm not going to live with my dad anymore. I'm going to grow up and do what I have to do and start my own life. I've helped him out plenty, and I don't need you telling me that it's selfish for me WANTING to start over and save up
Now this is exactly what I mean by you not being able to take constructive criticism. I'm no longer talking about what you think is fair share of the rent but how you respond to people who do not agree with you. In fact, just to make it clear, this post takes absolutely no position to your original question. Everything that I am about to say deals with your reaction to me and other people's comments. Instead of neutrally refuting my arguments or just saying that you disagree with me and move one you get agitated and call me ignorant and use straw men to attack my thinking. Your overall tone is defensive at least. This is the problem, can you see it? I don't care are you selfish person or if you have done your fair share in maintaining your household. To me you are just a random person over the internet who I will never meet and who has no impact on my life. The case is the same for you. I'm literally no one to you. Yet you get dreadfully emotional and defensive when I say my opinion. To the point that you say you start getting feeling physically ill from the comments. Why is that?
Please remember to keep comments civil. Any further personal attacks by anybody in this thread will be sanctioned.
Not sure if this in reference to anything that I have said but if it is I wish to say that it was and is not my intention to attack anyone's person or otherwise be rude. If anyone has gotten this kind of impression I apologize. My way of talking is rather straight and I don't usually sugar coat what I say. However, I don't want to be offensive or intentionally make anyone feel bad.
