Anxiety attacks triggered by internal homophobia?

Perhaps try to subtly see what her opinion on homosexual people is?
You could also try to start acting more... well, gay... without saying a word and just let her notice.

I would probably leave the gender thing aside for now as to not overwhelm her.

Good luck! (*hug*)

 

You'll have to tell her sooner or later. You can't live a whole life without ever letting your mom know about such an important thing about you.

I know there's always this fear that they'll be disappointed or worse - but remember that she's your mother, she loves you, cause that's what moms do.

One popular saying goes "In the end you only regret things you didn't do", after all.

I'd recommend to tell her. Maybe you'll be surprised about her support..

Good luck, buddy

 

I had the same anxiety about telling my mum. I haven't told her yet, I feel shy and afraid about it... But I realized that the whole anxiety and depression is not linked to my homosexuality, and I needed 7 years to understand that. Every stupid feeling/doubt I had about all of these things was linked to my worldview. I developed a form of OCD and anxiety because of my internal struggle. I reacted anxiously towards most of my problems... All of them in fact...

So my advice is to start working on that. Start observing your thought patterns and processes, your reactions, your anger and bitterness, your consuming sadness, your confusion. Realize that you are free to choose, that's where freedom lies, in the act of choosing not the choice. Do you get me? You are feeling trapped because you are lying to your mother, but in fact you have chosen that yourself, nothing stops you from choosing otherwise. Anxiety is also triggered because in a way you feel incapable to control the situation, which in turn comes from your tendency to control stuff... But the rational truth is that you do not have the power nor the knowledge to determine your mother's reaction...

On the practical side, you might change a lot... And you already say that you are pansexual, so why would you disclose something that you are not sure about... I guess like me you just want to get it off your chest, to confide in her, not to tell her that you like girls and that you are gonna marry one, but that you are currently going through some emotional confusing times and you need her support, no matter the outcome.

Don't worry about it... Don't dwell too much on it. Whatever happens, happens, you can't really control it...

And one last thing, remember that depression is rage turned inward

 

I had the same anxiety about telling my mum. I haven't told her yet, I feel shy and afraid about it... But I realized that the whole anxiety and depression is not linked to my homosexuality, and I needed 7 years to understand that. Every stupid feeling/doubt I had about all of these things was linked to my worldview. I developed a form of OCD and anxiety because of my internal struggle. I reacted anxiously towards most of my problems... All of them in fact...

So my advice is to start working on that. Start observing your thought patterns and processes, your reactions, your anger and bitterness, your consuming sadness, your confusion. Realize that you are free to choose, that's where freedom lies, in the act of choosing not the choice. Do you get me? You are feeling trapped because you are lying to your mother, but in fact you have chosen that yourself, nothing stops you from choosing otherwise. Anxiety is also triggered because in a way you feel incapable to control the situation, which in turn comes from your tendency to control stuff... But the rational truth is that you do not have the power nor the knowledge to determine your mother's reaction...

On the practical side, you might change a lot... And you already say that you are pansexual, so why would you disclose something that you are not sure about... I guess like me you just want to get it off your chest, to confide in her, not to tell her that you like girls and that you are gonna marry one, but that you are currently going through some emotional confusing times and you need her support, no matter the outcome.

Don't worry about it... Don't dwell too much on it. Whatever happens, happens, you can't really control it...

And one last thing, remember that depression is rage turned inward

 

The distance between you and her already exists in the form of your passive deception about your sexuality. Can you see any long term fix for this other than coming out to her? You don't seem to be confident in knowing her response, which is normal. Be prepared to be reassuring and remember, you have had a lot of time to think about this and she has had none at all so give her a break and some space to sort it out. I think one of the best things to tell a parent when coming out is that you are not changing, that you are exactly the same person you have always been, the same person she has always known you to be. That's a very comforting thing to say.