Hi everyone, I'm new on here and have no idea how to make friends on the site. I'm feeling pretty confused and lost as it is but not sure how to reach out besides making posts. In my real life I don't have anyone to really talk to besides my sister in law, who is gay. Right now I'm not comfortable talking about my sexuality yet to anyone. I've talked to my husband about my sexuality (I'm bisexual) and he knows about it, but he's not very helpful. He's 100 % heterosexual and doesn't quite understand how I'm feeling. He's not helpful at all even though he thinks he's being helpful. It just seems to be the worst possible time for me to stop denying my attraction to women because I am married. It might be a lot different if I was single and could just go out and explore, but I'm in a committed relationship with him. It makes things so much more complicated for me. Although he's really supportive I just feel isolated regarding my emotions and everything else that comes with it. Last night I just wanted to give up and he's just making things worse for me to be really honest because doesn't understand. :tears:
I'm always up for talking! I've noticed the best way to make friends here is to post in the forums often and people will say hi to you if you they've noticed you posting. You could always say hi first as well. Anyway. How do he think he's being helpful? What do you feel you need to have help figuring out? Or do you just want to talk to someone, or make your husband understand? For him to understand he need to willing to put himself in your situation, and it doesn't seem like he thinks it's even a big deal... I might be wrong but..
Thank you for responding Riz First question: My husband is helpful in the way that he completely accepts that I'm interested in women, he encourages it. He takes me to the gay clubs where I can meet other people that identify as LGBT. That's really helpful to me. He's just started doing that. Second question: I need help figuring how to explore my sexuality. My husband wants to explore by inviting a female into our relationship. I'm open to it, but for him it's more for sexual pleasure than it is for a relationship with that person. I would like to make a connection with a person, get to know them, befriends, have someone to talk to that I could relate to. I'm not looking for sex per se or feel like I'm cheating or something. That's just awkward. I feel like for him he's just looking for sex but then on the other hand he does want me to explore. I suppose that's support on one level but it's a bit more emotional on my side of it because I've always been too scared to explore. Also, I sort of feel used by him. It's like "Oh boy she's come out as bisexual, I can have a threesome with her. Woo hoo!" I'm sure that's not reality, but it's how it feels." I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot he wouldn't want me to just say or even give that impression to him and say, 'Okay, great you're bisexual now go and find you some one to sleep with so I'll have fun watching you." I hope my explanation makes sense. He just seems to be leaving out my emotional exploration out of the picture and wants to make it all about sexual attraction and it's not all about that for me. I'll send you a friend request I need to stop being so scared
It sounds like it's a mix between being supportive and encouraging you to find women both for your happiness and his sexual pleasure... I'm sorry but it really sounds like how you're feeling, like he wanna use your sexuality for his own fantasies. Sure it can be a great side affect if you're both (and eventually third girl as well) into that. But he should really be focusing on supporting your feelings about it all. Have you tried to tell him that you need to explore the emotional side of it as much as the sexual?
It sounds like it's a mix between being supportive and encouraging you to find women both for your happiness and his sexual pleasure... I'm sorry but it really sounds like how you're feeling, like he wanna use your sexuality for his own fantasies. Sure it can be a great side affect if you're both (and eventually third girl as well) into that. But he should really be focusing on supporting your feelings about it all. Have you tried to tell him that you need to explore the emotional side of it as much as the sexual?
I have and that's when I sort of gave up the conversation last night and just told him "I might as well just be straight." Which sort of hurt me. He also says that's when I'm overthinking it, which I may be, but I'm kind of at the stage where I want to explore my emotions and how I feel about it not just jump into a sexual relationship with someone that I don't even know. I've never been with a woman before, so I don't even know what it's like. I also don't have any close female friends to talk to in general. Bonus. He always looks over my shoulder and reads my posts and is mad about what I wrote. He says I made him look like the bad guy which isn't true. I'm just talking about my feelings. This makes it even better. Help.
Ok if he's reading this let him be angry at me not you, you're just asking to help. Mind you own buisness your wife needs help, you don't. Anyway back to you. It's probably good to have some sort of emotional bond before starting a sexual relationship. Now I could get this wrong as I'm demisexual and need that kind of bond before haha so I might be blind for other's experiences. I don't think you're overthinking it, it's good that you're trying to figure it out instead of just shoving it away and ignore it, because it will always come back to haunt you, need to to work through it. I've never been to a LGBT+ club so I don't know how it's like, do people come there to look purely for sexual partners, shouldn't some maybe look for a emotional connection or even just friends. Basically people who understands? Maybe there's some kind of LGBT+ group close to you, maybe that's better? Sorry if I'm not helping much trying to give suggestions.
He's just upset because he think when I talk about him I make him out to be a bad guy. I'm not sure why. I just talked to him and explained I'm just talking about my feelings about things and he's not the bad guy. I'm just expressing myself and how I feel about having relationships with him and another woman all together. I need to be comfortable with me first before all that can happen. I think he thinks it's a simple thing. I'm not sure. He does want it to be about me, not about him. So he is supportive, but he gets mad about me when I talk about issues I have with him, which are more really more about issues I have with myself that affect him, but he thinks it's about him. Like you said, it's about me, not about him. I told him "What's the point of me being on a support site if I can't talk about things?" He said, "Go ahead talk about what you want." I thought I should anyway right? He just gets so paranoid about me being on sites for some reason. I'm not saying anything bad about him. I'm really talking about me and the problems I have. The positive is we always talk about it and come to a good understanding, so there's no issues there. I'm not sure he understands that right now I feel like I'm looking for someone more for him than for myself to explore with. That's how I feel. I'm not sure if I'm just being impatient with myself or if I'm just feeling pressure from both him and myself. That's why I feel so confused. I just came out to him and my family I can unfortunately never come out to, which is another whole emotional issue I'm trying to cope with. As far as LGBT clubs go, they are a positive thing for me. I'm there just to make connections and friends and have a good time like everyone else there. Everyone else is there to just mingle and have a good time too. I have such a good time. It's weird because I feel so comfortable when I'm around people that are LGBT but I feel so uncomfortable with myself except when I'm with them. Why is that, so weird.
