Share! Why don't/won't you get a partner and/or sex?

Today I've been thinking about the reasons why it's likely that I'll be a single virgin for a while. If you would like to join me and tell us why you're not gonna get a boyfriend/girlfriend/sex, list the causes! Come on, be negative for a few minutes!

Here's my list:

1. I'm not attractive. I'm not ripped, I don't look good naked, not even in clothes. I'm not at all handsome, and when I don't have a beard, I look like a newborn whale. On the other hand when I DO have a beard, I look like an axe-murderer. :/ Even if I managed to get ripped, I'd still have a face that would ruin it.

2. I have social anxiety, so I can't approach anyone. My self-confidence is almost nonexistent, I don't have a single clue about social traditions, dating and such. I can't read people.

3. I'm hung... ...up about sex. Casual sex is out of the question. Sex in a relationship would also be incredibly stressful. I'm inexperienced and I'd probably get a heart attack before I could get my pants down.

4. I can't express my emotions, so if I managed to get in a relationship, it would soon be over because of this. I couldn't say "I love you".

5. I don't like to be touched, hugged, kissed on the cheek, physical contact is stressful for me.

6. I have such an unconventional view of the world, that it would most likely chase away any sane person. Hiding what I think and believe would only cause a relationship to fall apart. Telling the truth would have the same effect.

7. I'm inexperienced in many areas of life. Most people in my age are way more "adult" than me. Who would want to be with a big kid?

That's my list. How does yours look? Also, some advice would be nice...

 

Your list is very similar to mine.

1. I'm not good-looking or fit either, but I don't know if this is really a reason.

2. Depression, anxiety and big feelings of worthlessness and being undesirable and annoying. Any partner I'd have I would either push away or turn into an emotional crutch, and that wouldn't be fair toward them.

3. I have big issues regarding sex. I've had sexual contact with guys before, with friends and with strangers (mostly strangers) but it's always ended in frustration and dissatisfaction. I've come to associate sex with feelings of worthlessness and numbness, which obviously isn't very healthy. Also, big intimacy issues.

4. I'm emotionally repressed. I don't have close friends because I find opening up to people impossible, so a relationship is really out of the question. I've recently decided to work on this, though, and I joined this site hoping to meet some new people and maybe make some friends. Wish me luck!

5. I'm shy, distant and pretty awkward, and not in an endearing way. The only living beings I feel truly close to are cats.

I guess that's it. As for advice, well, I think it's obvious I shouldn't give advice on this topic, but I hope that maybe if I can learn how to have close friends and form emotional attachments, maybe some day I'll be open to the idea of a relationship.

 

I think my looks is the only thing that stands on my way to finding a boyfriend. Well, that and also lack of self-confidence sometimes. And maybe being somewhat awkward. Actually, too awkward.

 

Same here. Also, thanks for the answer (yours too, Van!) and good luck with opening up! Msg me if you'd like.

 

Having zero data experience for the past 12 years and the unique challenges of dating as a bisexual are the two major reasons I might end up an eternal virgin.
Also, at the moment, not at my physically best, but that's easier to remedy than the above.
But I'm not giving up!

 

I'm fucking ugly and fucking weird, enough said.

 

These two sum me up pretty well.
Also, I don't trust anyone! I'll end up cheated on and/or murdered.
No thanks. Better off on my own.

 

I like this thread, as it is something I have been thinking about a lot lately (probably too often honestly).

1.) I don't find myself attractive. I have been told by some that I am attractive, but I don't believe them when I hear it. I struggle a lot with acne, so that seems to kill any confidence I have.

2.) My parents are extremely strict. I just came out as gay to them, so they aren't really comfortable with me dating yet anyways. However, they were strict even before I came out. They don't like me going out too often and no guy would want to date someone who can barely get out of the house.

3.) I'm very picky which is something I am not proud of. I do not tend to fall for many guys, but when I do, I fall hard. In the past, I have liked straight guys or extremely good-looking gay guys who would never go for me.

4.) I have no relationship experience with males or females, which I even find pathetic. I think most guys would want to date someone with at least some experience, so having no past relationships is probably a real turn-off. It's a shame because I think I could make a really good boyfriend (the only confident thing I will probably say).

5.) In terms of sex, I'm quite the prude. I can tell from some dating sites that a good number of gay guys are fine with sex anywhere from the 1-3 date. It would probably take months of seeing someone before I would even consider sex. I would have to make sure I'm in a serious relationship before I started having sex with a guy. I don't think some guys are willing to wait.

I feel like I could name 10 more things, but I'll stop bashing myself for now.

 

My weird voice and the fact that I feel like a total freak to everyone I meet. I'm so awkward in social situations at times it's not even funny. And I agree with HunGuy with the whole keeping a safe distant, like physical contact can never happen.

I feel like most of it is all in my head, but what can I say I have a lot of thoughts in my head.

Everything here sums me up as well. I'm pretty awkward it's not even funny. And the whole trust issues as well.

Again this is so me as well. I don't feel attractive at all and I'm not being modest, I really don't get it. It sucks.

 

1. Social anxiety
2. I am a weirdo and non-weirdos fear me
3. Even though I think I'm sexy, I don't think that I am conventionally attractive

 

Welp, here goes.

1: Self esteem, I currently hate myself. I doubt I could be in a stable relationship like this, so I guess I should give it a while and hopefully I'll improve with time. I feel like nearly everybody is out of my league, and I've had a few bad experiences.

2: I'm not out to everybody, and currently live in a very conservative rural area. Aside from nearly everybody here being straight or forced into the closet, I fear it could attract potentially dangerous attention... And I'm not going to start wearing a iron-clad suit of armor every time I walk outside. I'm too broke to move but first chance I get, I'm out of here.

3: I don't want to get too attached to anybody, hence me wanting to leave the country. That one really doesn't require much of an explanation....

 

This thread sounds so negative. Most of the things I read here are more or less fixable if you some effort and money in it. I find it hard to believe that people who feel ugly are really that ugly. And being ugly looking from the face might be the hardest part to change.

I advice, look at your list and think of it as a list for things to develop. Just add the ways and time frame to correct this things to your list and you got yourself an action plan.

My problems are that I got effed up emotional life and I'm unsure of my orientation (or lack of it). My solution is to go to therapy to figure these things out once I got the money.

 

Hmm... everything stated here is much about looks

1.) I am not sure if I am a nice person. I am not good with communication since I tend to give up when I need to explain my issues. I just shut down and walk away WHICH is disaster-prone to any kind of relationship.

2.) Self-confidence. I perceived myself as a "left-over guy" meaning, I won't be anyone's first choice. Just someone that will be picked up because they have no choice but once they do, they'll left me for a much better guy (Abandonment issues, I guess)

3.) I am Philophobic because of the reason I stated in #2. I've felt unwanted all my life so betrayal from someone that I love will definitely kill me. It is the greatest confirmation a person can do me on how I perceived myself. So, I tend to stay out of it.

 

Does this feeling and sentiment extend to your friendships too or do you feel like a "leftover" even with your friends?

 

1. I'm trans pre-everything. How many girls would want to date me?
2. I'm not the best looking person ever.
3. I think I have the tendency to be a little clingy to people I like. I tend to care too much.
4. Lol forget sex, I'm 14 and I have no desire to have that happen for awhile. Again, pre-everything...
5. I have enough personal issues right now to deal with a whole nother person's issues and balance my own.
6. Relationships literally never work out for me.
7. Again, I'm 14. There's time.

 

One reason.
1. I just don't care. I'm not interested.

 

I think it's hard for me to find someone because I don't really know where to go.

 

1. I'm 15.
2. My heart wants a relationship, but my head doesn't want a relationhip.
3. I should be focused on school.

 

1. People say i'm really handsome, and i guess they're right, even though i don't feel like it.
2. I have social anxiety, i think.
3. I don't think i can put up with difficult people for too long.
4. I should be focused on school
5. I'm not romantic or emotional
6. I think i'm boring, and young people are expected to fun and outgoing
7. I'd be too clingy
8. I'm 14, and horny 24/7
9. People say i'm too sensitive and catch feelings too much.
10.I don't feel comfortable telling people in rl about how i feel because i'm afraid of their reaction.
11. I would like a relationship, but all the above is stopping me.

 

1. I'm very awkward. That makes me uncomfortable with people. I hate the way I move and talk, so I can never really take good pictures of myself.

2. I'm not very motivated. This makes my life hard in general. I don't have a job or go to school full time. What I do is I just exaggerate how much school work I have, so I can have an excuse not to have a job.

3. I have a very hard time scheduling dates and leaving the house.