Help – feeling lost & empty

Sometimes people do get periods in their life when they're just down, however, do keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't expand into depression. It's important to be self-aware of your feelings and if does get worse, don't be ashamed to reach out.

As for your question, they could just be caused by the stress stemming from your uncertainty. Confusion is frustration on any subject, but sexuality and gender is really difficult because people feel like they have to know right this minute, and it's totally okay if you don't. I do get these thoughts from time to time myself, but I do have a lot of internal battles going on and life at home also isn't the best all the time. And if you're worried about not being productive, maybe try finding a new hobby (origami, coin collecting, reading/writing) or maybe go for a walk? Walking helps to soothe me most of the time, cold or hot weather. However, if you're typically a busy person, just remember that it's okay to take a rest now and then to let your mind and body recharge, you know? If you're a person that typically isn't busy, like I said, maybe find a hobby or interest to keep your mind busy. You just might need a distraction or change.

 

I have been and still am in a similar situation, fearing failure but doing little to nothing to prevent it, and just kind of accepting that I'm going to fail no matter what so what's the point of making an effort. There's nothing to be ashamed of about feeling this way sometimes, but it's easy to get stuck like this.

If you want to be more productive, perhaps the way of dealing with it is taking it slow, little by little. Noone becomes disciplined overnight, and expecting that to happen is only going to cause more frustration, in my opinion.

 

Usually when I’m depressed, it’s because I’m (a) regretting something that happened or didn’t happen in the past, (b) worrying about something that might happen or might not happen in the future, or (c) comparing myself to someone else. In all cases, my mind is laser focused on how things “should be.”

“Should” is a really dangerous word – that single word causes a lot of suffering.

- I should be smarter.
- I should be more attractive.
- I should be more productive.
- I should have more money.
- I should have more friends.
- I should be a better person.
- I should be happier.
- I should be more compassionate.
- I should be more funny.
- I should be in a relationship.

The “should” list is literally endless and it can playback like a tape over and over in your mind.

The only way I’ve ever been able to stop this record from repeating is to focus intensely on the present moment – on just one day, one hour, one minute.

For example, try focusing on the sounds around you, the feeling of your feet on your floor, the sensation of bubbles when you wash your hands, the feeling of air moving into and of your lungs, the weight of your body against the floor, etc.

Anytime you recognize the “should” tape playing, just stop. Pause. Take some deep breaths. Focus on what’s going on around you right that instant.

Right now is all there ever is. When you think about the past, you’re doing it right now. When you think about the future, you’re doing it right now. Try focusing on “right now” instead of time traveling to yesterday or tomorrow.

Hope the darkness lifts.

 

Hi there.
You're not alone. I have these feelings too. In fact just before last Christmas I was in a really deep and dark funk. It was around that time I found this site and it helped to know I wasn't alone.
We are all here for you.
I agree with Cort ... should is a dangerous word. I find I use it too much.
But with some good advice from great people here I am learning ... and now we can be here for you too.
All the best.

 

Do you find yourself panicking about all of these horrible feelings? What you describe(feeling like you are drowning and finding it hard to breathe) are symptoms that would often be associated with panic. Have you tried any breathing or relaxation exercises when you get like this?

It sounds like you are very distressed, so you are doing the right thing in talking about it. If things get really bad for you, do reach out for help.

 

I experienced a similar sensation before - though not nearly as often as it sounds like you have. I agree with Patrick that is sounds almost like you're having a mild panic attack.

The key to dealing with panic attacks is (a) learning how to recognized when it's happening and (b) learning how to relax yourself.

When you start feeling that sensation, just try to focus on breaths. Don't try to get out of the panic attack - don't try to do anything except focus on the breath. Ignore everything else except air going in and air going out. If you do that, your body will naturally begin to relax and the panic attack will pass.

Outside of learning how to deal with a panic attack when it occurs, you could also try discovering what your triggers are. What normally happens or what are you normally thinking right before the drowning sensation?

Usually the trigger is some sort of limiting belief, such as imagining things that are highly unlikely to occur, focusing on something you're afraid of, or comparing yourself to some sort of unrealistic or unattainable ideal. If you can hone in on what the triggers are, you can start to challenge them.

Write down the beliefs or thoughts that tend to precede a panic attack, and then start asking yourself some questions about that belief. For example...

- What am I afraid will happen? How many times has it happened before?
- Is this belief true? How do I know? What’s my proof? What if it isn’t true?
- Say the worst case scenario happens – would it really be that bad?
- Am I comparing myself to some standard that has been imposed on me by others?

Thoughts aren't facts - they're thoughts. The key to dealing with anxiety is to ruthlessly challenge and question all of the thoughts that are causing the upset - because when you write these fears down and actually look at them objectively, you may find that most of them are completely ridiculous and don't have a leg to stand out.

When you get fears and limiting beliefs out of your head and onto paper, they become far less intimidating.