Hi, i have talked many times about this and i am sorry for being so annoying but here is the thing.. I am 25 lesbian and in the closet. I have a massive crush on this girl at work that i barely know (random conversations on the lift very rarely and that is it..) i am not sure if the is gay but the way she looks at me, i can feel something (maybe im making this up? So, i have shit days at work like today but just by having eye contact with her or seeing her notice me the pain goes away... So, should i continue with this: trying to see her, approach her in a casual way...etc. Or should i give up and just move on (literally as i want to change jobs). I am a great believer in destiny for some stupid reason and i dont want to live with more "what ifs " that i already have although i understand that the odds are quite against me cuz she is basically a stranger, i dont know if she likes me and its work....
I know people have a lot of different opinions about this, but here’s mine: avoid relationships at your place of employment. Avoid them like the bubonic plague. It’s perfectly normal to have crushes on people at work. How can you not when you spend so much of your free time at work? The idea of a relationship with someone as work can seem good from the outset – and I’ve seen it work for some people. However, for most, things can get really ugly really fast. What happens if you make a move and she isn’t interested? Or if you get together and then break up? Can you imagine how awkward it would be to go to work after that? The other component is gossip. Like it or not, people at work gossip. Most of it is complete garbage and hurtful, but it’s just a reality. You don’t want to do something that would make you the target of the office gossip – that’s miserable place to be. Again, just my perspective. Good luck.
This is a great situation to be in if you're seriously going to change jobs. I say yes, approach her and ask her if she is intrested in going out for drinks or coffee after work. Something like that anyway, right? Then get to know about her a bit. Then tell her a bit about yourself including that you are a lesbian. Now you have come out to someone! Kind of scary? You will find out if she is a lesbian too possibly. If it doesn't work out, time for that new job right? If it does work out then maybe another date and the option to stay or change jobs. Go with what your gut tells you and good luck!
I have no doubt that your interest denotes compatibility with this person, at least from your point of view, but I am concerned about your ability to make this, or any other relationship, work within the context of your closetedness. Approaching someone with the proposal of getting together is an ambitious act. Being in the closet is a form of rejection of these types of feelings. So you see the conflict here. Let's assume you two do get together. What do you think the basis of your relationship would be? Are you self-sufficient and simply finding more joy in your life? Or are you using the relationship to fill some empty hole within? If you don't learn to work on your deficiencies, it is unlikely that someone else will be able to do it for you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have a healthy life. You deserve to feel compatible with your partner and feel respected by them. But you also need to be fair and see to it that what you are giving matches what you are expecting. To be complete in you commitments you must first learn to let go of this habitual behavior and cultural conditioning that has left you ashamed to be the lover you are capable of being. Enough with the self damage. Love is about feeling every single part it. Where you and her are the same creation. Where there is no real separation. Past the point of being together and to a point where judging seems no longer a possibility.
