Hello EC! This is my first post on EC and it's the first time I really need help with my situation! So without further mumbling, here's the situation (this will be awfully detailed): I'm currently visiting a vocational school which has 2 schoolsystems. The first one is a schoolsystem where students visit the school once a week for an entire schoolyear and the second one is where students visit the school once for 3 months on every weekday per year. I'm on the first system meaning I'm only at school once a week. And only recently I noticed a guy who is reeeally cute in the hallways and hence I believe he is on the second school system. Basically I want to approach him and talk to him but because of the way my school works I literally only see him once a week for 15 minutes in the morning break. So my timespan of approach is really slim and I kinda don't want to mess it up. He is from an entirely different class. That means approaching with a common ground might prove to be hard since I quite literally know nothing of him, not even his name. Now I know the basic things I should consider when approaching a complete stranger and starting a good conversation. Like for example, self confidence, ask open questions, find common ground. But one of my biggest fears originates from the start of the conversation. If I approach him and introduce myself with my name, a big issue would be if he just ends up saying 'Hi' and answering in an uninterested and rejecting way. Also, I have no idea how to do the transition from introduction to smalltalk without being completely awkward. I also know negative thinking isn't going to do me any good but I just can't help it. And is it just me or isn't it very weird for a complete stranger to just approach somebody and introduce themselves and try smalltalking to you? I'd appreciate any piece of advice you wonderful people of EC could give me! :icon_wink
Oh hey, you're from Austria too! (Which confuses me in which language I should reply ) Well, just approaching someone to talk to them might be unusual in school, you'd do that if you go out all the time though.. I'd recommend you try to find out some more about him, does one of your friends know him? Or just know a person who knows him? Do you ever see anything that he wears that might give indication to what he likes (like a jacket with the name of his favorite band on it etc). In school, I would personally only approach a stranger with an excuse; but I'm kind of shy too. Maybe you can find out some stuff about him like that, have you guys ever made eye contact before? If you make eye contact a lot and if he seems like he's not straight either just approaching him without an excuse might actually work too.
Wow, the fact that I found another person from Austria this fast on EC really caught me offguard xD! Thanks for the fast reply and the help. I'm don't want to sound too stereotypical but that guy has an eyebrow piercing (which is rare where I'm from) and he's almost only around girls every time I see him. But the thing is I don't want to assume that he is gay just by those tiny remarks. From the times I saw him I couldn't get any information about him by looking at his clothes etc. Also, I don't think we have any mutual friends. So, thanks for the advice anyway!!
Re: Approaching a good-looking stranger! Firstly, Welcome to EC! I'm sure you'll find wonderful people here with wonderful support and advice. Now coming to your concern. I don't think it's weird for a complete stranger to approach somebody and introduce themselves. IMHO that's one way friendships and relationships are made. So I say go for it. Try to catch him somewhere and talk to him. Don't try to figure out what he'll say or do right now, without talking to him. Over-thinking will only make you more anxious and build your fear up. You're already taking the first step thinking about talking to him. Go ahead and do it. Good Luck! Let us know when you're going to do it and how it goes. (*hug*)
Me too xD Well, that might be a hint but like you said you couldn't necessarily be sure just because of that. Eye contact? How is his behaviou? Does it seem feminine ? When I ask like that I seem like I'm asking you if you're stalking him xD I hope that there's at least some kind of chance of finding out his name; Then you could try and text him up on facebook or something :/ Good luck !!
Thanks alot! Yeah Facebook might just play a key part in it, if I found out his name I could get in contact with him more easily. And about the thing with how he behaves: Like I mentioned, sadly I can only stalk him for 15 minutes a WEEK and even in those 15 minutes I maybe only see him for 5 minutes of it. And that's about it :O I think I might talk to him about his piercing, maybe that's a good thing to ask? Like where he got it from etc... It's complimenting his piercing and asking an open question at the same time so... that might just help!! Once again thanks kindly for your help I really do absolutely appreciate it!
Re: Approaching a good-looking stranger! Have you thought of practicing a bit before you approach this guy? Try just approaching random strangers – people you aren’t attracted to – and striking up a conversation with them. It could be classmates, someone in the store, someone on the street, young, old, guy, girl, etc. By practicing, you’ll be able to quickly figure out what works and what doesn’t work for you. You’ll also be better able to try things out because you aren’t attached to the outcome (since you aren’t practicing on people you’re attracted to). During the period that you’re spending some time practicing, use that 15 minutes in the hallway to analyze everything about this guy. Is there a certain book he’s carrying? Did you hear him mention a certain movie he saw? Did you hear someone near him say his name out loud? Can you catch him mentioning a sport or hobby to someone? Just try to glean anything you could possibly use as fuel for small talk – ideally you’ll be able to spot something you two have a common interest in. When you do decide to approach him, I’ve always heard that subtle mirroring tends to work really well. When I say mirror, I mean his overall body position, his voice tone/speed, etc. It’s a good way to build a little bit of trust and common ground. Good luck!
Re: Approaching a good-looking stranger! Thank you alot for those helpful hints! Maybe I could open the conversation by asking where he got his piercing from (he has one in his right eyebrow) and maybe I could introduce myself from there. Is that any good?? I also thought about practicing but sadly my time is very limited. I checked his classes schedule and from what I saw the next week will be the last, so it's all or nothing. Another question popped in my mind: since next week will probably my only shot at this, I will need to acquire some way of contacting him again. Since I'm not really a facebook persom, would it br weird or too obvious to ask fot his phone number? And if, how do I ask for it without making it very weird??
I like the idea of using the piercing as a good conversation starter - I'm sure there's an interesting story behind it. "Hey - cool piercing - where did you get that done?" I think the key to asking someone for their number is to be completely casual and nonchalant; act like it's a completely normal thing - because it is. It can be simple as: -"Hey, what's the best way to get in touch with you?" -"Shoot, I've got to get going - but this was an interesting conversation. Want to swap numbers so we can stay in contact?" If you try to overthink it, it's going to come off strange. I would just keep it super simple and offhand.
Re: Approaching a good-looking stranger! why not use the piercing topic to get his number like "hey id love to get one but maybe after this semester, can i get your number just in case i forgot or just to get more details about the place" .
You definitely want to lead in with a question. It's awkward for someone to just introduce themselves out of the blue at any age, unless you have seen each other for a long time and you say something like "hi I've seen you around so much I feel like I should finally introduce myself." It doesn't matter what you ask him, just find the most tangential connection you might have. Examples: - "Hey, are you taking a class with Mr. Smith? He's the hardest teacher I've had yet at this school, just wondering if you've been subjected to him yet." - "Hey, are you in the first or second system? I'm just curious if you guys have to take this impossible math class that I'm in." - "Hey nice sweater! Where did you get it? I'm looking to buy something just like it." - "Is it supposed to rain later? I'm hoping I won't regret leaving my umbrella at home." And the list goes on. In my own experience, there was this guy that I had a huge thing for but had never talked to, partly because he was always on his headphones whenever I saw him. Finally, one day I went up to him and asked him what kind of headphones he had because I was thinking about getting a new pair. We ended up having a pleasant conversation from that starter question. Ultimately, though, it doesn't matter so much what you say as long as you just say something to get a conversation going.
I really want to thank you people for your helpful advice!! I really do appreciate the help. I will meet that person on tuesday and I'll be sure to let you know how it went.
