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Dealing with an alcoholic - is this drastic?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Typhoon, Jan 27, 2016.

  1. Typhoon

    Typhoon Guest

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    There's so much I want to say, but that will take a week of typing so here is a short version: my father is a hopeless drunk who's going to die of either some lung failure, cancer or a heart attack or something of the sort in a few years with his binge drinking. I'd be massively surprised if he showed up at a doctor's and it was confirmed that his system wasn't affected yet.

    Frankly I'm guilty for not having done something drastic - but he is so repulsive when drunk that you automatically keep away from him,for smashing his silly bottles over his silly head. He generally drinks 3/4th of a whisky bottle or one or more per day - then stops at a certain point for a failed period of one day - week or two and commences again.

    He generally mixes his drink with Coca Cola. Even if I didn't know his hiding place I automatically know even when he walks into the house without saying anything - that he is drunk. And I just have to do something, I can't just hope that one of his sober periods will be a success.

    In short, I'm going to dump his bottle (1/4th left after today's binging) right now. He'll realize it won't be there (he thinks no one knows about his hiding place) and he'll inevitably confront me because I was the only other person at home this morning. I was considering giving him the email of an AA group which is active here as well as fixing a meeting with a counselor at my uni - who had herself offered to try and help. I'm not so keen on this because she knows of my orientation, and obviously my family don't. While I know she won't tell him about my orientation, her office does give the impression she specializes with LGBT issues and relationships - but if he puts 2 and 2 together that is the least of my worries.

    I also need to look for other forms of alcohol to dump. Perhaps invading his ''secret place'' (or so he must consider it) might not be the best way to approach it. But I'm nearly beyond caring. Things used to be so bad he literally baked bread because the yeast gave off some alcoholic aroma during the process.

    Apart from the fact that he even drives drunk.... honestly this guy just frustrates me so fucking much and he practically ruined his family with this stupid obsession. But he's also my father.......

    Frankly I'm not sure if this even would work with him. I've never seen someone so set on the path of self-destruction ;/

    ---------- Post added 27th Jan 2016 at 07:57 AM ----------

    Somewhat conflicted now. I did some research and apparently throwing out near empty-bottles might make him more ashamed and increase the self-loathing...

    On the other hand he's still going to drink it tonight.
     
    #1 Typhoon, Jan 27, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2016
  2. Euler

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    Is he the violent type?

    Do you live alone with your father? Could you persuade some other family members or friends in helping you to talk him?

    The thing with addiction is that problems in life precede the addiction not the other way around. Any intervention is going to be effective only if a) he wants to stop and b) the problems in his life that drive him into drinking are addressed.
     
  3. Cort

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    Have you considered a family intervention?

    As drastic as interventions sound, the reality is that when it comes to alcoholics and drugs addicts that they work. Addicts can become so entrenched in their addiction and so caught up in a shameful spiral of self-hate that often the only way to really break through is to surround them with loving family and form a united front that is dead set at getting him into rehab.

    If you feel this way about him – chances are everyone else in the family does too. No one wants to watch a love one self-destruct and, potentially, kill themselves or others in an accident.

    I would suggest that you reach out to your local Alcoholics Anonymous group and seek advice for staging an intervention. Chances are that they’d be able to connect you with a counselor that specializes in addictions – which would be a better choice than your school counselor.

    Your best shot at getting him turned around is going to be to gather all the people he loves and respects the most in one place. He needs to be told that everyone loves him unconditionally, but that he just isn’t going to have a place in their lives if he continues staggering down the path he’s on currently. That’s a tough stance to take, but the situation might require it.

    Just my perspective.
     
  4. Typhoon

    Typhoon Guest

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    @Cort and Euler

    If you mean physically then no, although a few years ago, he did grab my mother and push her out of their bedroom and lock the door. He can get very verbally abusive and since I tend to simply avoid causing irritation, my mother gets it as she is a very simple-minded woman. It's me and her with him basically.

    Unfortunately family or friends won't work, he doesn't believe in friendship and has had a huge fight with his younger brother a year ago, whom he was very close to, and who we saw on an almost daily basis. This led to him avoiding most of the side of his family every since and I haven't heard from my uncle since their fight. I never knew what really happened as it seemed a sensitive subject to ring up. All the same he's had this alcohol situation for a while now, so it's not just the family drama.

    That's also another problem, he doesn't have enough willpower to try. He's back to normal when he is sober, but family as such, meh, you'd expect we were in line for the Iron Throne with all the back-stabbing going on in my family.

    His uncle, whom he admires greatly, quit smoking about 10 years ago. He's in his eighties now, but I guess his presence might help.
     
  5. joshvolby

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    dont throw his alcohol as he might go rampage besides he will just buy another

    its really hard to approach an alcoholic person coz you dont know what will happen.

    have you tried doing activities with him like what his interest if you know?
    ask him to play basketball or do something with you and have fun when he is not drunk. take it slowly to get to what destroying him inside.

    that's your father. Try your best not to lose him.

    best of luck
     
  6. Euler

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    Well, the thing is you need to get him understand that you and your mom prefer him sober - and try to have this conversation while he is still sober. His uncle could be of assistance if he looks up to him.

    Also, you might want to call to your uncle and ask about the fight and advice if you think he is otherwise sensible person. Try to identify what is the problem with your dad that motivates him to drink. It might be depression, prolonged stress or anxiety.

    Is he unemployed and if so has he looked for a job?