Don't ask why I named the thread that, I have no idea. So, I just have a question about something. I am just wondering if people think this is normal or maybe I should be concerned. Without getting into too much detail (I don't mind giving details if anyone cares to hear it, just not sure if it would be necessary), I just left a very abusive and destructive relationship. She was the only girlfriend I have ever had. She is the only person I have ever kissed or anything... not that we ever did much more than kiss. Awkward. Anyways, she was cruel. So I did leave her, after a whole year of bad bad stuff. Now though, I find myself missing her terribly. I cry at night, I think about her all day, and every time she crosses my mind I get this gut-wrenching feeling. I just really miss her. It seems so stupid to miss someone like her though... So, I don't know how I am supposed to be acting now that she is gone. I feel like I should be glad, but I'm not.
di think you only missing her coz shes the only person you ever kissed, cuddled or whatever. bad relationship tsk i dont know im not into it, how i felt for someone can easily change on how they treated me. why dont you try and look for another special one.
I think that may be a big part of it. She is the only girl that has ever really shown any romantic interest in me. I just cannot bring myself to stop loving her and wanting her around, even though she was terrible to me when she was around. Don't get me wrong, I am never going back with her. I won't ever let someone treat me like their personal plaything again. It is the aching feeling of missing her so bad that concerns me.
First of all – congratulations on leaving this person! There is no good reason to put up with someone who is abusive in a relationship. Not one. You did the right thing. That aside - that brings us to your other issue. Despite the fact that this girl was mean, abusive, and cruel – you find yourself missing her. It’s very common for people to put up with abusive partners for years upon years. My sister has lived with an extremely abusive husband for going on 20 years. She puts up with physical abuse, emotional abuse, and everything in between. She doesn’t love him, yet she can’t leave. Why? Because she has developed a needy attachment. She has come to believe that she deserves to be treated poorly, that she deserves to be with a terrible person, that she deserves to not be respected. She has come to hate herself, and the way he treats her is proof that her self-hate is well founded. She identifies as being someone bad that deserves bad things. The fear of leaving him – and losing this false identity she has created – is enough to paralyze her. So let me ask you this: what do you think you deserve? Given that you’ve broken this off, I think that deep down you know you deserve better. Anytime you feel yourself yearning for this person, STOP! Pause. Take some deep breaths. And then ask the question: What do I deserve?
You made me cry. Seriously, thanks for that. That was really helpful to get my thoughts in order about this. I'll do my best to take that advice.
