I am so sad about this... I've been crushing on an older lesbian at my job (30 years old maybe) im 22. She is a cute( I would not classify her as super attractive) nerdy-looking woman. Not very social from what I've seen being there for five months, and she is VERY smart. Like she went to an ivy league school or some shit. Not to mention, kind of pretentious. So, I'm an intern and I've never talked to her before until the other day when I was working the receptionist desk, the phone broke and I couldn't transfer calls to her so I knocked on her door ( kind of flustered) and told her what was going on. She just gave me this ( are you stupid ) look. But nevermind that, today I went to her office to ask her some questions about what she does bc I'm writing a research paper on what our office does as a whole. She was not nice.... At all. I didn't come with any questions bc I was hoping we would just have a discussion about it and I'd like for her to educate me on what we do, it went no where. I made some jokes and I saw her roll her eyes at me . The conversation went nowhere, it was actually kind of awkward. I asked her if there was anything else she thought I needed to know and she responded with an abrupt "no". I then apologized and said I should've came more prepared. Her response was "GOODLUCK" as she quickly turned away to her computer. She didn't want to give me the time of day. She didn't really engage in coversation and I left her office with barely any info bc she just scared me away with her arrogance. Now this is where I am going to sound a little arrogant - people tell me I'm attractive and I appreciate it, no big deal, I'm not a bitch and I'm not cocky. I am social and I find it easy to talk to people at work, people almost always are nice and engaging with me. But I am definitely not used to being treated the way she treated me. I'm so sad. I like her even more now but I don't know how to get her to like me... I just want her to like me in a friendly way, that's all. Maybe I am just mad she didn't give me the attention I wanted ? What should I do ?
It must be hard liking her if she's so off-putting like that. Maybe confront her about her lousy treatment of you? There's got to be a reason she doesn't want to be friendly. And at the very least, you are coworkers, so the air should be clear for you to cooperate.
Rather than trying to get this person to like and validate you, why not accept the simple fact that it is impossible to please everyone? It is impossible to be liked by everyone. The only people who are liked by everyone are what I refer to as "chameleons" or "shape shifters" if you will. People that will act and behavior differently depending on who they're with just to be accepted by that person. People that have hundreds of different masks that they can swap out so that they can always fit in, regardless of the environment. Chameleons may be "liked" by everyone, but they have no identity. There's nothing unique or interesting about them. They don't have the courage to trust in who they are. There's nothing wrong with someone not liking you. In fact, I would wear that as a badge - it's proof that you aren't willing to mold your identity into something it's not just to please someone!
You can't judge what someone is like by one conversation. Or even two. She's busy, had someone come to her unprepared while she was trying to work. You didn't make a great impression the first time, and didn't improve the second. Next time you need to speak to her, be prepared. Know what you want to ask, do some research yourself so you have questions to ask based on your knowledge of the company. Show her that you are willing and able to put some work into your questions.
If someone doesn't like you then it has more to with her than you. No one is worth your happiness. You can't make someone like you.
