I've known this girl since early October and had developed a crush on her by late November. We're friends - we share a class, get coffee together at break, work in the library together and see each other outside school in a small group of other friends sometimes. We text a lot. She's had a crush on a boy for a while. At first I was like, whatever - he's just a crush, I'm the friend who she sees regularly and talks to, and I didn't mind that she probably doesn't like me romantically. Recently they've been getting closer though, and while he has a girlfriend, meaning im not worried about them getting together as such, I guess I just hate that she has this other person who she likes more than me? lol that sounds so possessive but I don't know how else to describe it. I need to get over her but how, when I see her every day? She's kind of flirtatious and sometimes jokes about us being married. She's asexual (im not entirely sure of her romantic orientation) and knows im bi. I need some space but she'll notice if I disappear, and I can't not talk to her in class (neither of us really talk to anyone else in that class) or stop responding to her texts. With some people telling them would be an option, but to be honest I think it would freak her out :/ not because im a girl, just because im her friend. I think she'd feel so embarrassed and awkward and I don't want her to feel weird around me? she's very sarcastic and while she totally understands people, I think she would be embarrassed by the sincerity of the conversation and not know how to deal with it. Plus because we're in the same friendship group, everyone else would probably find out or just notice something was a bit off. but I can't deal with it how it is at the moment either. I'm terrified someone will notice that I like her. I was acting so weirdly around her crush that she asked me straight out if I had a crush on HIM. how did I end up so invested in someone I had barely spoken to four months ago?
I'm in a similar situation. Met this girl a few months ago at school, we became really close during the summer so close that we've became best friends. At first, I wasn't romantically attracted to her or anything it's only later that I've started developing feelings for her. So during the earlier days of our friendship when she was going out with other friends, making out with boys I really didn't care. However now like you, there has been tension with my bff because I've been acting a bit jealous because she's been hanging out a lot with her ex-bff. Well in my defense, that ex-bff is a backstabbing liar that hooked up with my bff's ex-boyfriend. I felt like she liked the other girl more & couldn't bear with it. So we fought over it, made up, it brought us closer. Sometimes you just have to have faith in the closeness of your relationship, be truthful about it, the other person will understand. Notwithstanding it's totally normal that you feel a bit of jealousy. Like your friend has you, why would she needs someone else? Even if it's platonic having her is enough for your, so why can't it be enough for her? Anyways, back to the point, my bff has been hooking up with a guy, which hurt me a lot because I have feelings for her. I tried to ignore it, accept it, but the truth is that you can't act like it does not affect you... Because it does & it sucks. So I took my distance, she realized that, so we had a heartfelt moment I told her how i felt about her "friend with benefit", she understood & agreed that she should stop because the guy was a jerk to be fair. She promised me she would stop seeing him and she did for awhile, until she started seeing him again.... What hurt me the most is that I learned it from someonelse, that she started seeing him again, she was hiding it from me. I felt betrayed because we were so close. Thus, I just cut her off completely. I stopped answering her texts, stopped going to the classes we had together because i needed to get over her. Well you can guess that she noticed and knew exactly why i cut her off. She tried to reach to me, i straight up told her i was done. It's been 2 weeks now since I haven't talked to her, i wish i could tell you it gets better, but it does not. I miss her. I still feel like there are unresolved feelings, like i wish I could tell her how I felt about her, how much in pain i was when she chose that boy over me & tried to hide it from me. My point is that distancing yourself will not resolve things, it will bring you further apart without any sense of closure. You felt like you were about to lose her over a boy, you clearly don't want to lose that friendship you have with her. Coming from my own experience, i think telling her how you feel about her is the best way to resolve things. If she does not understand or reject you, then you can start distancing yourself. You tried, it didn't work out the way you hoped but at least you were truthful with yourself & to her. Alternatively, it doesn't have to be that way, even if your friend does not reciprocate your feelings, she can be very understanding and it may bring you closer.
