1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

LGBT groups anxiety

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by frogger, Jan 29, 2016.

  1. frogger

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2012
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I have a anxiety problem with LGBT related things. Mostly with trying to associate myself with a club or event with that label on it. But this is also still true with every time I have to come out. However, something like EC doesn't bother me at all.

    I would really like to make some other lesbian friends - or gf :slight_smile: especially now that I'm single and alone. The problem is in the past I've found LGBT events/groups and would put it on my calendar, walk to the room, and my anxiety would take over. I'd start shaking, I'd mentally be freaking out, and I'd just stand there or sit at a chair near the room. Then eventually I would just leave because I waited so long that I'm now late and I couldn't get myself to stop freaking out and just go to the event.

    However, I've managed to go to these things called Q Chats with the help of someone physically walking me there. Which that only happened because I ended up in therapy (for differnt reason) and was given a card to a LGBT lady on campus who runs things - emailed her - she meet with me in a non LGBT place - she told the person who ran Q Chats email me - that girl got my email/phone number/ and meet with me to walk me to this thing. So very hand holding way of getting me there. But now I'm able to go to these on my own with only minor anxiety prior to going. And its mostly because I'm comfortable with that one girl and so going isn't scary anymore.

    But the anxiety is still there for all other LGBT things. I even have anxiety just sending a text to ask this same girl to help me go to the General Pride Meetings. It's insane. I typed up a short message "Do you go to the Pride meetings" and stared at it for 20 minutes with my heart rate racing then erased it and tried to move on to something else.

    I don't know what exactly I'm afraid of or what's causing me to be so anxious. Has anyone else been able to get over this mountain? Is there some way I can get myself to either figure out what's scaring me or just balls up and go to things I want? It's an unhealthy state of mind and I don't want this to happen to me anymore.
     
  2. ConnectedToWall

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2016
    Messages:
    374
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Caprica City
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have the same problem. I'm not sure how to get over it yet, but I think I have it because of deeply internalized homophobia that I really have no idea how to get over. Right now I'm just trying to focus on my hobbies and not think about it.
     
  3. nowewillnot

    nowewillnot Guest

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2016
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ok
    i have the same thing. so i will wait for a response too.
     
  4. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    What if you worked your way up to it?

    So first, you go the meeting place at a date and time when there is no meeting. Just walk by it. Next time, same thing but this time you stand around and people watch. Maybe after a few times of that, you go back 20 minutes before a meeting and watch those people go in. Just get a feel for how normal the whole thing is. Do this until you think you'd like to go in. And then if you like, email that girl and ask if she goes to these meetings. Hopefully, she will say yes and you can ask if she'd meet you outside the next one so you can check it out, too. Remember, you are totally anonymous even in person. Nobody knows you until you introduce yourself. And even then, unless you're completely unforgettable, you can always disappear back into the crowd.

    Does this seem doable?
     
  5. frogger

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2012
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    That may help. I'll keep trying it, to work my way up. That has been my goal already. But the other problem with that is it gives me way to much thinking time. Yeah if I sit outside the room you would think I'd finally realize "hey this is totally normal, and everyone going in is just normal human beings" because I'm aware of that when I'm not under anxiety. However, while sitting just people watching I will have completely opposite thoughts and scenarios go thru my head. For example, "what if someone I know is there? Then they will know I'm gay" (although what would be so bad about that, then I'd already have a connection with someone) or "I don't belong in that room, yes I like women, but I'm not like the rest of them" (which isn't true either and wrong to think that of fellow LGBT... but my brain in those moments completely thinks this way).

    I think this is the underling problem for me too.


    I should note - I only have straight friends (minus my ex and this new girl that walked me to Q chats)
     
  6. Cort

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2016
    Messages:
    159
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I’ve run into the same issue.

    I remember when I went to my first PFLAG meeting. I had it marked on my calendar for weeks and thought about it almost every day leading up to it. Once the night came, I found myself driving circles around the building the meeting was taking place in. I showed up 30 minutes early and literally drove loops around the place, psyching myself out more with each circle.

    I finally just said “Screw it!” and went in.

    Boy was that the right decision. Everyone was friendly, inviting, understanding, etc. It felt amazing to be around other people that were “like me” – it was very empowering. I left that meeting feeling like a million bucks.

    I agree with others that the root of this anxiety around all things LGBT is internalized homophobia. Years of denial or keeping your sexual orientation a secret can build up a heaping ton of internalized homophobia – it’s the only thing that allows you to suppress things and function normally.

    You can diminish internalized homophobia the same way you can diminish any other fear – by intentionally exposing yourself to that which you fear.

    It isn’t easy at first. In fact, it’s a nightmare at first. But it gets better quickly.

    Internalized homophobia is something that needs to be addressed at some point before you can ever be happy with yourself and enter into healthy relationships. The sooner you can work through it, the better.
     
    #6 Cort, Jan 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2016
  7. frogger

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2012
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I did it! :slight_smile: I'm proud of myself. I went to the Pride meeting tonight all on my own. I definitely had to do some serious pep talking to myself though. And I scoped out the room before hand too. The meeting itself was kinda boring cuz not many were there and it was just voting for new officers, but still I went and that's what matters to me. I just hope that now I've built up some confidence and it will get easier from here on for any other things I want to go to.

    Thanks everyone for the advice. :slight_smile:
     
  8. Really

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Well done! Don't forget to report back how the next meeting goes. ;p