So I was depressed and I didn't know it but it lasted for probably two or three years. Like maybe from age twelve and a half to fifteen and a half. I think I should've been diagnosed but I didn't know the symptoms and I didn't tell anyone so no one knew. I had sucidal thoughts a lot of the time or if I didn't I had thoughts like, "I won't kill myself but if I just died now it would be okay" And I did hurt myself a little bit but I'm trying to stop doing that now. I did a lot of dangerous things to try and lose weight as well and I felt really terrible about myself. Then a lot of things happened in 2015 like I joined EC which helped me to accept myself, I moved to a new school (I was getting bullied at my old school and I had basically no friends), got a therapist, started taking SSRIs, etc. Still, even after that happened I didn't feel better until late last year (December?) or early this year. I still feel sad for maybe an hour (it doesn't feel as intense or last as long though), a few times a week, I don't really think about weight loss or food all the time anymore, I haven't had suicidal thoughts except for one time last week but that's the only time in two months. Now, what I was actually supposed to ask was How can I keep improving? I don't ever want to feel the way that I did again and I'm scared that I will and I won't know how to be happy again. I'm also afraid that I'll start hurting myself again because I said that I wouldn't do it and I'm trying to keep that promise I made (to myself). Any ideas? Thank you
Hello! Just a few random ideas/suggestions: Do you have any hobbies or future professional desires? If so, working on developing these while you are still in your teens can greatly help with your self-confidence. When you develop a skill and know you are getting good at it, you can think about this and say "I have objective worth." Reading about the struggles of other people can also help. You can see how they persevered and may be inspired by them. This could be other trans people or any group you are interested in, really. Engaging in healthy, daily exercise has also been shown to help with one's mood. Of course, there is also increasing confidence in one's body image. If you don't exercise, you can always start slow by going on a walk or stretching/doing body weight exercises around your home. Whatever you do to try to improve yourself, just remember: set small, achievable goals; failure is normal; keep trying new strategies!
That’s great that you’ve been able to work through your depression recently. Speaking as someone that has wrestled with depression on and off for years, it’s definitely a dark place that no one would ever want to visit. I think one of the of keys is to just stay focused on today. Enjoy life as it is today and don’t spend time regretting yesterday or worrying about tomorrow. Treat today as wonderful gift. Another thing that has proved useful for me is to let go of the notion that I need to be happy all the time. No one is happy all of the time and if that is your expectation you’re setting yourself up for failure. It’s ok to feel sad, frustrated, angry, or lonely from time to time. Emotions are things that come and go – and it’s this “coming and going” that makes life to dynamic and amazing. The lows pave the way for the highs. Depression sets in when you decide that something is absolute – i.e. “things will always be this way.” The only “absolute” is that nothing is absolute – everything is constantly in flux. Once you accept that concept, life becomes all about the journey and less about “could have been different” or “should have been different” or “should be different.”
