I used to have an account on here and I'm not sure what happened to it, I tried logging in and I couldn't and I tried to recover my password with my email and it told me that my account doesn't exist, so I made a new one. This might be triggering to some people... so I used to struggle with my sexuality a lot, I still do but I stopped caring about that, I just like whoever I happen to like and I'm okay with that. I'm not sure if I should be posting this, if I'm not allowed to then I am very very sorry for posting in the wrong place. When I was about 14 I used to struggle with my sexuality a lot and I became very depressed because of it, I tried killing myself countless times and I used to self harm. I am much better now tho. (I am female btw) I have a wonderful boyfriend and family who love me very much and I am grateful for everything I have and stuff. There is other people out there who have it much worse than I do, I basically live in a perfect fairytale. I really hate myself though, I hate myself so much that its difficult to describe. One thing I notice about myself is that I always feel sorry. Almost as if I've done something wrong. I always feel as if I've done something wrong. In the time period of just a few hours I said sorry about 9 times (my boyfriend counted). I don't know what is wrong with me. I just really hate myself so much that I feel it in my chest very. Often times it causes me a great deal of physical pain in my chest it feels like a deep sadness. I don't know what I am looking to get out of this post, I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm sorry if I made anyone feel bad by posting this.
You absolutely haven't made anyone feel bad about posting this and haven't done anything wrong by doing so. I say this because you obviously seem to think you have and to me it's very clear every little thing is over-thought by you and a source of extreme guilt to you. Not sure why nor where it comes from, I know I have massive anxiety when I feel guilty about something (sometime absolutely ridiculous) and feel a huge need to apologize and/or hurt myself (though I am doing much better now). Have you seeked help with a professional? Maybe talking it out and finding the source will help ? Good luck OP !(*hug*)
I'm not sure where you live, but here people say sorry for anything. Even if the other person accidentally bumped into them, sometimes I end up saying sorry to walls, doors and posts after walking into them. So sometimes saying sorry all the time is kinda like a social norm. Moving on to the actual topic, have you done wrong to anyone and not apologized? If so, rectify that, though I'm doubting that you actually have. If you are christian, sometimes going to confession/reconciliation helps to lift things off your chest. However, you may as well ignore those words as you probably haven't done anything to anyone that is worth feeling guilty for. These words of advice are weak, so feel free to ignore me.
Sorry to hear you are not feeling happy.. You see, I said 'sorry' as well. I catch myself saying it a lot also, in a casual way, out of politeness mostly. Sometimes I wonder why but usually don't dwell on it. It's just me. Maybe suggest to your boyfriend he should really appreciate you being considerate instead of wasting his time counting sorrys I know what you mean when everything looks perfect but it is not. It is only you who can take good care of yourself. If you are feeling sad inside, any time you feel squeeze in your chest just take a deep breath, step back ( mentally ) and ask yourself why this is happening at that very moment. What is missing? Are you ignoring some clues? Are you taking good care of your inner self? I know, sounds zen, and I am not like that at all. But it works for me.
