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How to approach someone without being creepy?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ImHappy247, Jan 31, 2016.

  1. ImHappy247

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    So I've been going to these french classes and learning the language is cool and stuff but half of the reason I'm going is the fact that I really want to meet new people and make friends cause right now all I do is being home all day. SO I've been trying to randomly start conversations with people (''This drawing of Jesus makes him look high'' ''I like your blue hair'') and they're polite enough to answer more than two words but the conversation usually dies at that point. I got as far as asking this guy for his number (we talked a little bit about french in general and why we wanted to learn it) but as soon as we tried to talk again it was obvious we had NOTHING in common and he never texted me again.

    Now, there's this guy, let's call him R (yay I always wanted to do this ''let's call him...'' thing). He likes Kanye West (I dont ''like'' him but I listen to his music sometimes and I like it) and he's all relaxed and stuff, he doesn't look gay and I honestly don't care so this is not a ''crush'' thing, it's more of a ''how to make friends'' thing. All I know about him is that but he looks (as far as I can tell) like my best opportunity.

    SO I guess you guys could help me with two things here: a) What can I do to get at least one person interested in having an actual conversation without seeming desperate? b) How could I strike a conversation with him?
     
  2. Distant Echo

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    You need to give them something about yourself to comment on...there are two sides to a conversation...you need to share a bit of yourself...
     
  3. ImHappy247

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    Yeah I know but I feel like people get tired when I talk about myself. I get too invested and next thing I know they haven't said anything in 5 minutes or something. I guess you're right thought. I read somewhere that it was a good idea to wear something different that people could comment on. I have a Studio Ghibli bag but apparently nobody knows about Studio Ghibli so that one wasn't a good one. I also have a bear hat but I think that would make me ''the gay/weird kid who wears bear hats'' and I prefer to avoid that for now. I don't know :icon_sad:
     
  4. bingostring

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    you could use the French as a way of talking to him?
    "how are you getting on with the classes?"
    "I'm finding it quite difficult - could you help me with XYZ?"
    "hey do you want to get together and practice French conversation out of class ... with me/ a group of others"
     
  5. Billy the kid

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    People love to talk about themselves, so figure out what they want to brag about and ask questions about it. You know his name I presume, check out his social media and see what he is into. Just be a good listener and you have to hold up your end of the conversation too. By all means if you can get him on a subject he wants to talk about, let him talk and ask him questions about his subject. Don't be fake about it either. So good luck!
     
  6. ImHappy247

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    I found his facebook and I found out that he goes to these book exchanges thing that they do in my city every month. But I can't start a conversation by talking about that cause that would out me as the stalker I am. I guess I'll use the Kanye stuff since it's all he knows I know, and hope for the best. But this guy just... It seems like we would get along but I feel that just by thinking about it I'm gonna sabotage myself. Is it normal to ''want'' to talk with someone specific more than you'd want to talk with anyone else?
     
  7. Billy the kid

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    Well I guess you have to start reading then now don't you? So if you like reading you might want to try reading one of his favorites maybe. Then carry it around school when he is there and maybe he will strike up the conversation? I don't know try something like that maybe? Where do they hold these book exchange things? Maybe you could be shopping nearby and run into him and say " hey don't you go to my school " sound to creepy? You could just start saying hi to him when you see him. I'm just trying to stir up some ideas for you. As far as wanting to talk to someone more than anyone else. I think that's pretty normal when it comes to having a crush on someone. Good luck man sometimes you've just got to take a chance or you'll never know right?
     
  8. ImHappy247

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    Sorry I forgot to mention that I've been going to the book exchanges for like a year now, thats why I mentioned it, cause it was something we had in common. But yeah I'll just stop worrying about it, I'll say ''hi'' next time I see him and go from there. Either way thanks for the help y'all :slight_smile:
     
  9. Euler

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    Why do you feel that whatever you did makes you creepy to others? Has this been a persistent problem, I mean you feeling that people think you are weird?

    BTW, which part of Venezuela are you from? I've been to Venezuela and I absolutely love the country. I got the best travel experiences I have ever had in there. Believe it or not, but perhaps the best adventure was when I got robbed at knife point in a village near Puerto Cabello and what followed was that I was helped by an armed gang, the local police and the national guards who drove me around helping me get my property back. Amazingly lovely people and amazingly beautiful country.
     
  10. Michael

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    Make them open questions, the kind of questions they can't just answer with yes or no. Also make them talk about themselves, about what they love, etc. Listen to them, smile, and be as warm as you can. There are books out there about how to negotiate, those techniques have a lot to do with soft skills, and also even seduction, so it would be a good idea to check them out anyways. Just make an habit out of studying emotional responses, including your own.

    Not everyone feels like making new friends. Think that out of 8 people you talk to, you might connect with a couple of them. There are also people who is quite shy, and won't open up no matter how hard you try. Everyone is different, you might need different approaches. Check with whom you feel most comfortable, and just try to build something from there.

    Naw, it's not creepy unless you invade their personal space or pester them, but I don't think you would do that anyways, being shy.
     
  11. ImHappy247

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    Well I'm just not used to people being interested in talking to me so I guess when I show interest in talking to someone else it feels like I'm breaking some sort of unwritten rule about it. But it's dumb, I know it. AND I'm actually glad that you have good memories of Venezuela but please don't come back until this stuff starts working like a normal country and less like a third world Gotham.

    Sounds like a plan. Thanks :thumbsup: This is a good idea
     
  12. Euler

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    So do you have a history of being lonely or socially awkward or what do you mean? Yes, your problem sounds a bit silly but I can actually relate to that. I have no trouble talking to people if I feel I have a "legitimate" reason to talk to them. Just wanting to know them is not unfortunately one of those reasons for me. :frowning2:

    As an other tip, you could yourself try to find something interesting on the people you could start a conversation about. Perhaps they wear a fan shirt of a football club or read a book that is interesting.

    Don't be like that. It's a nice country to visit when you got friends over there. Besides, it might take a while before things get back to what they used to be before the "Bolivarian revolution". Although the country was already pretty messed up back then my friends who remain there (like half of them have gotten out) tell me it has gotten a lot worse. Back then I could live easily with less than 100BsF per day and now you can't even buy an arepa with that money. But hey, tienen patria!
     
    #12 Euler, Feb 3, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2016