Well the title says it all.. I do think im done with life and living. ive had thoughts that theres nothing for me left in this world and i came to believe that in many ways I do know that if I end my own life then my depression has won. I also dont know why im depressed anymore. I once thought it was because I was in the closet but now im open to everybody and ofcourse it was my time and yes it was the best feeling for a few days then depression hit me back twice as hard. That i didnt understand. I then slowly became uncomfortable in my own skin with everybody knowing. I was ready for everybody is what i thought, and i was ready, FOR EVERYONE, but myself. I wasnt ready myself to accept the fact but was ready for them. Im also really really tired of everyone, seeing people in general, whether its my neighbour or co workers or even my family and friends. Im sick of the same scene and also sick of making new scenes. Sick of work. And thats the hard part. My very most favourite thing to do is what i do at work. My hobby is to cook so im a cook and ive always loved what I did. Always surrounded by positive people at work laughing and making jokes or just having great conversations but now its all becoming sickening, the work, the people, and i just dont know anymore. I love all my family and friends but love is just a word to me now.. I cant even feel any emotions anymore other than the ones I have now. I lost my interest in everything and my laugh and well yea im sure u get the point. Everyone is also starting to see that in me. Always bothering me by asking if im ok or not. If i need some company, if i need to talk. Im stuck in this world and wish to get out.. who knew only 19 years of living can be so much for one. Ive made memories to last and also feel like i didnt make any but also dont want any more even with the feeling of a lack of memories to keepsake forever. K well its good to put it out (dont really feel anything of it). What im really saying or asking for is some help from anybody, any advice? On anything really. What could I do? Ill try anything to feel life again and be able to think again. Because i feel more dead already than alive. Thanks
This is really not a safe mindset to have. The biggest advice I could give would be to seek help outside of the cyber world on depression. I've been pretty bad with depression somewhat recently- to the point of feeling physically ill. I spoke to my mother, read a book which was rooted in my negative thoughts and so on, and over time, i've grown be in a much better place, so to speak.. The best way to look at your situation is that this is 1 chapter of your life. Think about all of the possibilities for your future. Do not give up, and don't be scared to speak up in the physical world. I understand not wanting sympathy and not wanting to draw too much attention to ones self, but this is important. People ask if you're okay because they care. They don't want you to go through what you're going through. No one in the whole world would. Please. You're precious. You're important. You're still young. All of the possibilities around and for you are endless. Sending you positive thoughts (*hug*) , Daniel
This is really very true. Having been through depression myself along with some other issues, I can say that it has really helped me to think about the possibilities for your future. Even if they feel like they would never actually happen, as they can when you're in that slump, imagining what could happen and visualizing yourself accomplishing those things can really help expand your mindset and take your focus off how badly you're feeling right now. I also agree with Daniel that seeking help in the physical world is highly recommended. That is what saved my life, literally, and my mindset has become so much healthier in the years since. I have come to think of each stage of my life, however difficult or delightful it may be, as one more chapter in a story that I hope never ends, as I hope to someday have children and grandchildren to continue the narrative. I am really glad that you spoke up here..it's really great that you're seeking advice and not keeping it all bottled up. If having a long vent/rant session might help, please feel free to do that. I know that using my own experience is a bit anecdotal but it was true for me that when I refused to give up, things eventually got better and I'm really thankful now to be here with another chance at life.
The reason depression can be so hard to escape is that it changes how you perceive things. You stop enjoying things you used to love, and you feel detached from people you were very close to. A good way to fight back is to look at what the depression tells you to do, and then do the opposite. If it's making you push people away, try to pull them back. If you feel like eating nothing but junk food, try to find something healthy. If you feel like lying in bed doing nothing, find something to do. You may also want to consider medication. Of course you should talk to a counselor and get a prescription before trying anything, but it can help in some cases. It sounds like you have a lot of good in your life. I hope you can find your way through the depression so you can enjoy the good things.
As a person who survived depression... I totally agree with Florestan. You have to fight what the depression is telling you to do. You are a person with a big heart. You will overcome this! Trust me. I was there once. You will
Have you talked to a psychologist or a therapist about your depression? Sounds like depression has been a problem for you for extended periods of time in your life but that it has now gotten much worse. I advice you to talk to a mental health professional. I'm suffering from chronic low intensity depression which has symptoms like you described and it requires treatment, it won't go away on its own.
Thank you everybody for the responses and advice. Yes I have went to see therapists and councillors and ofcourse ive been prescribed with some medications, but they are yet to work? Not much help so I just stopped taking them. Also funny to say about my depression being a problem for an extended period of time, as it started out while I was very young about 9, except It wasnt as bad then. Atleast not to the point where ill hate things i loved. ...and taking the opposite turn for my depression would be to take a break off everything, that my depression doesnt want me to do because I believe it'll do no good for me, it sounds good but it also doesnt sound too good. By break I meant giving time to find myself and everything so that would mean i would have to get some time off work and school (yes I go to school; funny, I take in psychology and second in culinary). But yes I cant take a break off these things, as this is my income to pay for my bills and taking a break will surely not help out with that. Would love it, because I work 5 days a week and go to school almost everyday. School being half the day (9am-4pm) and work the other (6pm-2:30am). Reasons i work so late is because Im the closing supervisor for the kitchen at the restaurant I work at. Thinking on the future as positively as possible is somewhat next to impossible because I cant even think straight in the present day so I cant see much of myself in the future. Thank you all, ill try my best to do some more about it and even take these advices into hand, although some I cant just do.
The thing with depression medication is that when you take it for the first time, it will take up to 3 months before you start seeing any improvement. For this reason it is crucial you will not stop taking the meds without consulting your doctor first. Second thing is that not all anti-depressants work the same for everyone. It is not unusual that you might have to try 2 or 3 different medicines before you find one that really works for you. About therapy, it only works if you have a good working chemistry with the therapist and that you actually talk about your problems with him or her. It won't help if you for shame or other reasons don't open up and be willing to listen to their feedback.
i live by a quote: "things must get 100 times worse before they become 200 times better" and its true.
