So guys as far as I remember I can tell that I'm straight but from last year untill now my life is like a nightmare. I can't even see myself with a guy and I want a wife then raise a child. However, I'm so scared of being gay. My mind is always telling me that I'm gay and I'm just denying it. Every time when I'm with my friends I check myself if I'm aroused or not. Some night anxiety kicks in I try to masturbate to gay porn or while looking guy pics it's like my body is telling me no but my mind is saying go for it. I feel like I'm forcing my self to it and after doing that I feel guilt and I want to kill myself. I can still masturbate to straight porn. Ah by the way I never get aroused by man unless I force myself to do it just to see I'm not gay. I'm scared guys. I'm not homophobic I'm just scared that I won't be able to love a girl and have kids anymore. This depression is killing me. How can I be gay all of a sudden. For 16 years I never even questioned myself.
Perhaps you could share some details about you. How old are you and how your mind is telling you are gay? Also, based on your username I think you might live in a country or environment that is not very accepting on gays. If that is the case you might feel anxiety because of that. Have you talked about your feelings with anyone?
Why do you even think you are gay, if you can't see yourself with a guy and have to force yourself to get off by watching gay porn? This makes no sense to me tbh.
