So I posted a threat recently and a lot of you asked why I am afraid and would rather not be gay, so I decided to make a comprehensive list of all the reasons I've been thinking about a lot lately. - The sexual aspect scares me, I have no idea how it works and honestly Its just scary in general. - My family and friends would never accept it and I'd likely be forced to move out if they found out I'm gay, I know love is nice and all but my family is important to me too. - On the other side I'm afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, If I couldn't tell my family would I just have to marry a girl and see it as a choir, I can't do that and it wouldn't be fair to her. - Lately I've been scared to hang around my friends, I try to avoid going out on Saturday nights because lately they've been trying to set me up with a girl real hard and I keep refusing, they think I'm shy but I know some are suspicious already. - There's a lot of gay jokes going on and lately I've been noticing them more and more, I really would not like to get bullied again. - It would just be much easier for me not to be gay, I know that sounds cowardish and it probably is but it's just true but no matter how much I want it I can't make it work with girls and I can't help but look at guys that way, it's just.. a fucking mess.
Thank you for that list. You've put a lot of thought into it. The one thing I can tell you is you are not alone with any of the fears that you are having. I'd say almost everybody who is gay has the same fears as they are coming to accept the truth about themselves. I've been going to a Coming Out Support Group the past few weeks, and the type of stuff you mentioned is exactly the type of concerns and fears that come up in conversation with the group. So just know that your fears are not unfounded, but the good news is they are all solvable and manageable! It may feel overwhelming and impossible, but I promise none of them are.
All that is right and correct! But think about the time when you are on your death bed or weak and old! Would you want to be a man of regrets? Do you want to think about the life that could have been? Do you want to regret the intimacy that you could have got if you were just bold enough ? Yes family is important! But what is family? They are the people who would stick with you through your thick and thin! Not those who would chain you down! Besides, this is how YOU think they would react. But you don't know how THEY actually would. So just be you. Be good to yourself and people will be good to you! Bullying is bad and I have faced it too. But it is what that made me who I am, I don't regret being bullied! Once you get beyond what people are talking about you. That's when you feel true freedom and happiness! Don't you want that? Do you want to be a 45 year old man who is sexually frustrated. Do you want to handle sexual frustration with mid life crisis? Do you want to be that soar and mean person who shouts and yells at kids down the street? Do you want to be Ebenezer scrooge? Ok maybe I'm exaggerating a little. But trust me, its not worth it! Be positive , your family will come around. Friends, if are true will stick with you. Else you will find new! Tomorrow when you have a partner and have kids you will have your family, a true one! Think of that. Please work on self healing, build up the courage you require and tell them when you are ready! They may not accept you immediately. But they sure will in the long run! They will see homosexuality in new eyes.
- The sexual aspect felt very weird for me at the beginning too. It's not taught in school as part of sex ed, so as gay people we're sort of on our own. Some gay guys are attracted to men but not into anal and/or oral. Sometimes you need to try things out and explore what you like and what you don't. There were things sexually I thought I would hate and ended up enjoying it. At the same times, some things I thought I would like wound up being not so great. - You having a place to stay and be safe is important. How have your parents been when LGBT topics come up? Have they expressed hatred or mistrust toward lgbt people? Honestly my folks have never been anti-gay but have certainly said their share of ignorant things. Things like that made it harder to come out to them. It's taken time for them to process this new thing about their son, but they still love me and support me. It's awkward at times, but they'll always love me. - You dating a girl is not fair to you or her. I dated girls for years and while we got along well, we were both quietly miserable. - I remember hating my closeted days when I would need to think of excuses for why I wasn't dating girls. Friends and family members would try and set me up constantly. My mom bugged me 2-3x a month. It gets harder and harder to lie about "not being into her.... Or her... Or her." Eventually people figure out something is up. - I started avoiding friends too and it sucked because when you're depressed and wanting badly to break out of the closet is when you need your friends the most. - Are you in University? Honestly that's the best time to break free from your past and re-invent yourself. Does your school have an LGBT club or offer some sort of counseling? As I said in my other post, the thing that REALLY helped me to get from where you're at now to finally breaking free of the closet was talking to other gay people. Once you start to meet others going through the same thing as you, it's not so scary. Right now I understand it's a pretty sucky place to be in. I WAS THERE. Most of what you've mentioned I was afraid of. I didn't WANT to be gay. I would have given anything to be straight. But you also live in Holland - a very accepting country like Canada. Is it perfect? Not by a long shot. But you won't get killed for being gay like you could be in Russia or Saudi Arabia. If you want to talk more about what you're feeling and going through, write me on my wall. I was in your shoes just a few years ago and it feels like just yesterday. I'm happy to help you if you want it.
