I'm not sure where to put this thread so the good ol' General Support and Advice forum will do :lol: A little background: I have a... fwb type thing with this 25 year old guy (I'm legal and consenting it's okay) that has been going on since November last year. We've met up quite a lot and we're pretty good friends now. There's no romance and love or anything, just a strong friendship and mutual sexual attraction :lol: However I have a bit of a problem. He was supposed to go to London for a weekend with a friend but they cancelled. It's just like a fun two night trip (Seeing the sites, shopping etc.) and he was pretty gutted. Here's where I come in; he wants to take me, to London, a mere 150 something miles from where I live. I'd love to go. I trust him and we have a really good connection. I just have doubts on how I'm going to be able to sneak away for two nights. My parents know I'm gay and they're fine with it but I'm not sure they'd be too happy knowing that I've been having sexual relations with someone 9 years older than me... Should I go? What do you guys think? I've stayed with him overnight before a couple of times but I'd need a pretty elaborate excuse to get away for that long. P.S. By the time we're planning to go I'll be 17
That's what I'm most worried about, they're pretty laidback but that doesn't mean that they're not suspicious :/
Have you ever gone on longer or farther away trips before with other friends? Anything to base your parents' acceptance for the trip itself regardless of who's going on it? And is the guy going to pay for everything? My parents would ask that if I told them I was going on a trip, even now at my age, haha. Since you haven't known him for very long (I'm assuming November of last year means 2015, not 2014), I'd clarify just in case. I suppose if you have your own money it wouldn't matter as much. Two nights isn't that long, but if it's an unprecedented thing you've never done before even laid back parents might be worried. If it is something you want to do, I would try to get it to work but tell your parents the truth, bring your own money on the trip just in case, etc.
Having known him for only 4 months, given the age gap, and with the basis that your relationship is a sexual one, I would advise you do not go with him. Even though you are of legal age of consent, I see massive risks here for you on so many levels. You might think you know him, but given the age difference I can definitely see a bit of a power play going on between the two of you and you never know what his real motives are. Be very careful.
I agree. I think it's inevitable that your parents will become involved. No matter how laid back they are, they are sure to be concerned if you suddenly talk about going to London with someone who is 25. Don't let your heart rule your head because this could get very complicated.
9 years is a lifetime, even if you trust him i'd still take it slow because you might be in different states of mind if that makes sense, i know most of the time parents overreact but other times they do know what is best, just try to be smart about the situation
I cannot say anything particular about your relationship as you haven't given any details. All I can say is that in general just because you are consenting and are able to consent does not mean that your thing is good for your (or for your "friend's") emotional and physical well-being. In overwhelming majority of cases relationships where participants have such a huge discrepancy of age the relationship is not healthy, balanced or equal. I'm sure you don't feel that way but the thing is that often you see the problems only in hindsight. It must be your first relationship and I'm sure you must feel good that an adult takes such an interest in you but for these reasons you are also unable to see the problems. Personally I would have never even considered to date someone who is 16 because of the obvious ethical problems. This even if we don't consider the fact that in my country your friend would be committing a crime and would be put to prison for child sexual abuse. What kind of feelings do you have for your friend? What kind of expectations do you have? When do you expect this arrangement of yours to end? How do you expect it to end? Don't go to London. Instead use the time to really think about your relationship and is it good for you.
Oh no no no no :lol: we're not dating or anything... we're just really good friends with benefits. We really get along and share quite a few similar interests, I'm just torn because I really want to go and honestly don't believe that something will go wrong but I'm just worried about my parents finding out.
Well, the thing is that even for adults the problem with FWB things is that usually one or the other starts developing romantic feelings for the other and this causes problems. I would imagine that all of those problems are compounded when the age gap is big. Also this is only your side of the story. Is he also of the same opinion? However, I'm not here to moralize. Just be very self-aware of this whole thing and don't get burnt.
I think Euler raises some good points. In my opinion, your friend hasn't made the best choices by pursuing a sexual relationship with you and by inviting you to travel all that way to London without permission. It's what I'd call "having sloppy boundaries" - sometimes we have to recognize that certain relationships (even friendships) are inappropriate due to the emotional maturity of either party. It's not about judgement, it's about the emotional wellbeing of those involved. For example, by inviting you to London, your relationship has already put you in an awkward situation with your parents. Lying to your parents about where you are and who you are with is a big deal. While you may feel safe with this person, when meeting up with anyone that you've recently met, you always have to plan for the worst case scenario. If something did go wrong - you would be 150 miles from your friends and family. A true friend should recognise this, and not pressure you into going - no matter how much you want to go. In addition to this, a responsible person knows that as a teenager, you are still at a vulnerable time of your life (even if you really don't feel like it at the moment) and that they should treat you accordingly. I understand this probably comes across as preachy, and a lot of what I'm saying is difficult to fully comprehend the importance of until you get a bit older. I know as a 16/17 year old I felt pretty adult and informed about my decisions, but in hindsight I'd do things very differently. Of course, nobody can tell you what to do - but I wouldn't make this trip. I'm sure it's not worth getting into trouble for - even if it's just trouble with your parents. Your friend should understand this.
