I find myself continually lying and avoiding coming out in certain situations. For instance, today I met my Mum from work and had a brief conversation with one of her co-workers outside the office doors as I waited for her. I know the guy to an extent, he's been round to the house before. Anyway, he was asking what my plans were for when I graduate in June. I told him I was going inter railing. When he asked who with? Friends? I felt myself going bright red and my heart started pounding. I just answered 'yes'. The truth is I'm going with my boyfriend. I find myself doing this all the time. When I was working over the summer I continually avoided questions that might involve my sexuality. I've no idea how to deal with this embarrassment and shame :/ Some days it just feels horrible and I feel so low and miserable
Why don't you try and use words such as ''partner'' to describe your boyfriend so that you don't have to give away his gender ? People will probably assume it's a girl but you at least won't have to lie and people will most likely not ask for confirmation on the gender of your ''partner'' and will probably stick to general questions such as '' Oh, How did you two meet ?" or " How long have you been together ?" Which are questions you can easily answer. Why are you ashamed of saying you have a boyfriend though ? do you know?
I've been with my boyfriend about a year which makes me feel horrible when I feel ashamed.I love him so much but I still get this feeling of shame :/ I'm not sure, part of me worries about the reaction. The other part of me worries about being judged. I often feel that others won't like it so I just stay quiet which I guess makes the shame worse
I know what you mean. Even now, I still have the fear of what other people may say or react. I'm not as self conscious anymore, but still am. All my coming out experiences have been very positive, and the only people who are an exception to that are my family members. I'm still waiting on the people that will give me a dirty look, or be homophobic about it. But in time, im sure I'll learn how to deal with it and what kind of response to give. Take your time, no rush, and most of all, be proud of who you are.
Hey, first of all don't beat yourself up about it. There's no point feeling shame and embarrassment about your shame and embarrassment. That's a sure way to get yourself stuck in a paradox loop! I think all of us have moments where we just blurt something out. Even I occasionally called my boyfriend of 4 years a 'friend' when asked unexpectedly by a stranger. It's not because I was ashamed of him! I think that sometimes our brain isn't ready to take on the potential drama that could result from being honest. We just sub-consciously think "oh it's not worth it, just lie and the situation will be done with". I think that's perfectly understandable! However, often I've found that honesty in these situations can actually be quite a positive and empowering experience. Usually the person's response is much better than you think it's going to be, and often they're the ones that are embarrassed for not knowing or guessing sooner. My recommendation is that you try it out next time you feel panicked and pressured into lying. Drawing attention to the fact you're different doesn't come naturally for anyone. It's certainly a gradual thing that you have to build your confidence up about. A few good experiences will help put your mind at rest that you have nothing to be ashamed of.
