I'm a closeted gay guy and I'm seriously thinking about trying to meet other gay guys like myself. I feel as if my life is on hold because I'm at that age where I'm starting to feel lonely... but because I'm in the closet, I can't exactly have an open relationship or else everyone will know I'm gay. I would like to think I'd eventually pluck up the courage to be truthful with my family and friends and officially come out as gay, but I'm incredibly shy, anxious and scared. I don't feel ready but I'm not exactly helping myself sitting around worrying about it. So I've been thinking that I should make the effort in meeting other gay guys or closeted homosexuals like me in secret because I'm so desperate. There's a few problems though. I'm shy and never really go out, so I doubt I'll be strolling into gay bars any time soon, and... I simply don't know where to look in the first place! If not gay bars, then where? I'm not a clubby sort of person and I don't go out to drink at night. I'm at uni though but it's difficult to find any LGBT stuff apart from support dealing with coming to terms with your sexuality. There probably is a few groups there but I'm just scared that my shyness will kick in and I'll refuse to check these places out. This doesn't really have much to do with coming out but it'd be nice to meet someone just now so that I can feel comfortable. I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend either, so this is all new to me. I'm not really big on meeting people online either but I'll definitely take all of your advice. :3
Hi, I'm in a similar situation, except I've managed to come out to most of my friends and family. I think online dating could work if you're not a very social person, so long as you remain careful of course. Other than that you could try meeting people through friends of friends, although it'd be difficult to tell whether they're gay or not, especially if they're closeted. I'd say dating apps/sites are your best bet. I personally haven't tried any of these yet, I lack the guts.
Glasgow used to have a great LGBT support/centre centre.. but I do not know if it is still running. If that is too scary .. then just socialising more even in non-LGBT interest groups is a good way to see new people and, statistically, some of them will be gay. think about your interests or even new interests that you could try. Cycling, cinema, hiking, theatre, gaming etc.. huge list have you looked at 'meet-up' groups in your area? there is quite a good site called outeverywhere that may let you get to know people online without it being a sexually charged deal (not like G*****)
Hey, thanks for responding! Nice to hear from someone on the same boat! I don't think I have guts just yet to come out to friends and family, but I'm really considering it. I'm tired of just hiding away but I doubt I'll do that anytime soon, so I won't really be able to be referred to other guys through friends. This is why I'm thinking of more secret ways to hopefully meet guys. I'm on a few dating sites but I don't use pictures or anything really because I'm shy and frightened someone might recognise me, so I've just been chatting here and there and doing my nosey. Online dating isn't something I really fancy though, I thought it was because I was so desperate but I was hurt after a few guys who I had been talking to grew impatient. I had told them my situation but it was like half of them were trying to force me out of the closet. I'd rather meet someone in person, get to know them a bit and then try to pursue a relationship. After that if I'm still not out, I could hopefully maybe try do so because I won't have a reason to hide away anymore. Thanks for the reply though! I hope you find other people too, I know how desperate you must feel. I just hope I end up looking in all the right places. ---------- Post added 15th Feb 2016 at 12:57 AM ---------- Oh, that's interesting! I think I remember hearing about it but I'm not sure if it's still around. I'll keep an eye out. I haven't really thought about more broad, non-LGBT groups that way before I guess. I'm shy and hardly go out apart from with friends, so it'll be hard for me to join anything, especially non-LGBT groups. If I do find a gold LGBT group, I might make the effort. That's another thing I haven't delved into much, meet-up groups. Thanks so much! To be honest, I haven't really thought about these things. It's as though I just keep waiting on a boyfriend to drop from the sky. I mean, I have thought about what sort of groups might be around but not once have I actually typed anything of the sort into Google. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction, just so desperate right now to find someone or a group of people to share my true feelings with. I'll try out OutEverywhere, sounds interesting. Thanks!
Meeting other LGBT people is really hard without taking some risk of "being found out". how much risk is up to you. Great suggestions above. The only thing that I could think about us, since you are in an university, reach out to the counseling department. A lot of universities host groups for people in the closet. They keep the location a secret and they don't advertise them too much, but there is a chance that your uni might have one. Other than that, you are going to have to suck it up and go to a social group at least once. There is just no way to do it if you don't like meeting people online and you also don't like meeting people in person. You have to push yourself if you want to get certain objectives.
Yeh, my uni has an LGBT support group who you can make an appointment with if you're having issues with your sexuality. I was considering going to them to help me figure out my sexuality but I realised I was gay on my own. I might go to them though for some advice on meeting others but I'm incredibly reluctant because I'm really shy. My uni has an LGBT Society as well and I've been on their Facebook page, but again I'm reluctant to join because they seem very out... I know, I need to try burst from my shell for once. I feel as if my life is on hold right now because I don't know how to actively seek a partner or new LGBT friends because I'm just so shy and anxious! If society really had no issues at all with homosexuality and the effects of coming out where not as drastic, I'd consider doing so but I just don't feel ready. I'm that insecure about it that I'm even unwilling to come out to strangers! If I want a boyfriend though, then I will eventually have to put myself out there, even if in secret. I keep hoping in my mind that I'll eventually befriend someone who turns out to be gay but the liklihood of that is pretty slim. My best bet would be to go to some sort of club for closeted people and meet others there. Thanks for the advice and you are right, I need to push myself.
