So it all began on my best friends 20th birthday. Basically here's a heads up to make the situation make sense. She is the only person I ever came out to, she WAS the only person who knew that I was gay. We have been best friends since birth basically and I would trust her with absolutely anything, hence why I told her. So... I arrived at her uni accommodation late to the party last night and started drinking recklessly as you do to catch up, pretty much drowning myself in vodka lemonade... Introducing myself to everybody and I sat and joined in the games and was having the time of my life. Then her flatmate, let's call him "John" appeared and was strangely overwhelmed to see me even though i had only met him once before, which was great because I felt like I had someone to talk to comfortably whilst my bestfriend enjoyed her party. Me and John both started chatting away and really hit it off, almost like I was on a date with him. I had my strong intentions that he was straight so I tried my best not to flirt, and Hint that I was gay at all. I knew at the time that everybody in the room didn't know I was gay either so I kept my wits about me. This guy really took a shine to me and for a minute when I was talking to him and staring into his eyes on the couch I literally felt like he is the guy that I had been waiting for my entire life, I seriously became interested in him and fast! Anyway... The entire night from the party to the club he was always by my side introducing me to people and buying me countless amounts of drinks and dancing with me, forgive me if I'm wrong but by 2am someone this handsome would not be hanging around with a stranger he would be trying to hit on girls and would have left my side by now. So after one of the best nights of my life we headed back to his accommodation (the same one as my best friends) and we went to her flat and just chilled for a bit on the sofa and he seemed to be flirting with me, keeping eye contact, sitting close to me, all that jazz... After my bestfriend came home she was very drunk so I said I'll see you in the morning to him and I went and nursed her for half an hour until a guy came back, let's call this guy "Dan" Dan lived in the same flat as John (downstairs) and was looking for my friend as they've been seeing each other for a few months, my friend then asked me to leave the room and let her and Dan have some alone time which I agreed to, I was sitting in the lounge and he came out five minutes later and said "go look after her she's your mate" I turned around and asked him what happened, he replied with "nothing" I then asked him to call John back up. This is when shit hit the fan... John came back up and we all sat in the kitchen having a cigarette, I said to Dan "you can go sleep next to her it's fine, I'll sleep on your floor if you're cool with that John" before John could reply Dan interrupted rudely and said "no you're not sleeping on Johns floor go sleep next to your bestfriend" John then butted in assuring him that it's fine and he doesn't mind. There was a couple of minutes of silence and then Dan shouted "you're not seriously going to let him sleep on your floor are you?" John said "what's the problem?" Dan then shouted again... "He's fucking gay you idiot" ... "He's gay! He's her gay bestfriend, as in gay, as in likes men gay" emphasised on saying gay every single time he said it... :eusa_doh: Honestly at this point of my life I have never felt betrayal so harshly, I literally lost all sense of trust with anyone and anything, especially by someone who I would trust with my life in her hands. I also couldn't believe that inconsiderate arsehole would do that to me and especially ruin my chances with even being friends with John... Dan left the room straight away after saying that and slammed the door shut, there was then a good five minutes of silence... And my god, was the tension tight... you seriously could've cut the air with a knife. I could tell John was looking at me but I couldn't even look back at him in the eyes as I held my head in shame, eyes watering and jaw grinding. I couldn't say a thing, I was just in so much shock, I felt like I was guilty for something, I just didn't know what to do. He then just said calmly "I'm going to bed now, goodnight". I didn't sleep that night and I was awake for a good 30 hours stressed to the absolute limit. I then text him saying sorry and to take care, he replied with the same to me and that he was looking forward to the next time he sees me. Great guy I guess, but his acceptance just made my feelings towards him become even stronger. In a serious pickle and I don't know what to do, how many more people will find out, I guess it's not the end of the world and if anything Dan did me a favour that I was too uncomfortable with doing. I still like him and I'm not sure I should even have the right to ask him if he was gay, I'm pretty much heartbroken and I've known this guy for five minutes.
What a bizarre story. It doesn't sound like things ended too badly though. John probably doesn't mind you being gay although he himself doesn't sound like one. Are you sure your friend told Dan? Could Dan have just put 2+2 together and took a wild guess? Any idea why would Dan be uncomfortable you sleeping at John's floor? Before accusing your friend of betraying your trust you should make sure she actually betrayed it. In the future it might be helpful that you prepare a ready made response if you are asked if you are gay or if you are outed.
I'm sure Dan wouldn't be able to make the assumption that I was gay as I would refer myself to being quite masculine... Or "straight acting" also i didn't really endeavour any gay signs that I was aware of. I also asked my bestfriend before I accused her and she admitted to doing so and that she was sorry! I also found out that two more people knew that she had told.... Still doesn't change my trust with her from now on, although she still means a lot to me, people make mistakes and it's not that much of a big deal really! The only reason why I'm not out is due to family homophobia, and I can't lose them. I couldn't actually care if the world knew it's just them, they mean to much to me for my sexuality to tear us apart. I still have my suspicions that John is at least bi-curious, I think the best thing for now is to ask him if we can meet up again with a few friends to see how he really feels about it. Yeah I definitely feel that I should come up with a response, I was just In so much shock at the time I hadn't thought to disagree.
