I'm so very confused, and it's not normal. I usually know exactly what I want but I'm lost. My assigned gender was male but I've always identified as a girl. I would steal my cousins or moms underwear, I wore eyeliner and nail polish in middle school and most of high school, as part of my "Goth phase". The erotic novels I love so much are all from the female perspective and that's why they get me excited. People online often mistake me for a female, not sure why perhaps the way I type or something, and when they refer to me with female pronouns it makes me happy. I'm just now beginning to realize this... Just now beginning to put together the pieces that all lead up to me being a girl in a boys body. It feels liberating to think about it, and I found myself telling an old girl friend (not girlfriend, big difference) how I've been feeling. Telling her made out feel more real, but there's part of me that doesn't want to believe it. I'm terrified that I'm reading myself wrong, which is unsettling because I'm very big on internal reflection. Part of me says I can't be trans, I don't hate my body or the fact that I have a penis, it's just that I would very much prefer a vagina. I turn myself off, and it was hard to lose my virginity because I have a hard time ignoring myself enough to "keep it up". Also,I have a son who's three years old. I know he would be confused but eventually he'd get over it and he'd still love me. His mother however was raised with old values, some of which are awesome. She's open to gays of either gender, but I'm worried that if I am trans, and I come out to her she's going to try to keep my kid from me. Basically I'm asking for advice. I don't know how to proceed, and I honestly don't know if I'm trans or if I just WANT to be. And if I am how do I approach the baby mama drama situation? Please help me....
Hello, I've read your comment and I don't know if I'm the right person to help, but I hope so. So, you said that you've always identified as trans, but you only started accepting it now. Which means that you have started a family, and lived your life as a man who loves women. But now, you feel scared, scared of being wrong, of losing people you love and not being accepted, right? First, I'd like to comment the quote: ''want to be(trans)''. I don't think people ever wanted to be something: trans, gay, bi, or anything else. So that's not it. But you also said you're not uncomfortable with your body, you'd just prefer to have female body parts, which is not the case of most trans people, who hate on their body from a very young age. But you know, just like sexuality, gender identity can be fluid, and you may just be gender fluid, with a ''female identity preference''. But you shouldn't give labels too much power. If one day, you're, for instance, one hundred percent convinced you want to start a transition, go for it. As for your partner, you should honestly tell her the truth about how you feel, because keeping it inside of you won't make things easier, and one day, if she finds out, you'll regret not having told her. If she is indeed an open minded person, she'll understand. If you still wanna make sure she doesn't freak out, take it slow, and ask her some questions, insinuating. But no matter how she react, you are a beautiful person, and she just doesn't have the right to take your kid away from you. I hope that helped, I'll do my best to give some more answers if you need to.
His mother isn't my partner, else I wouldn't be so iffy about telling her about this. She's generally open minded, but she's also incredibly mule headed and when she gets something stuck in her head it's there to stay. "But you also said you're not uncomfortable with your body, you'd just prefer to have female body parts, which is not the case of most trans people, who hate on their body from a very young age. But you know, just like sexuality, gender identity can be fluid, and you may just be gender fluid, with a ''female identity preference''." To that, i feel i have to explain a bit. I'm not comfortable going into extreme details about it, suffice it to say I'm "deeply disturbed" in other regards as well. Emotion doesn't come easy, positive or negative. When I say that I don't hate my male body, it's more completely explained as I've become used to it. I've had years to become accustomed, but it's like I'm wearing all of my clothing inside out and backwards all at the same time. I lost my virginity at sixteen, because I couldn't work past my own discomfort with my own erection when I was fourteen and presented with the opportunity. It takes a lot even to this day to get me in the mood enough to be willing to take so much as a shirt off. And the only way I can be this calm about myself is by feminising myself... Other than my head I have no hair on my body, the hair on my head is past my shoulders. I'm constantly plucking my eyebrows and ensuring the mascara I've worn since middle school is still perfect. Unless I'm doing those things I can't stand to look in a mirror, particularly if any part of my body is uncovered. I'm not that muscular really, but I'm slender enough my muscles are well defined. My abs are flat (thank whatever god is reading this), but my arms and chest are horrifyingly male. My legs and butt are the only exception, even though I wish my hips were fuller. No I don't hate it, I've learned to live with it by treating it the way I treat all things that betray me... I ignore it to the best of my ability in hopes it will go away. Only this isn't going away, and I'm tired of ignoring it. I need to be me, and stop being what other people want me to. Sorry for the books.. I've had this on my mind for awhile and no one to talk to about it.
Ok....so you're trans. Congratulations on getting this far. Baby mama? Well. Tbh she's probably noticed. You don't say how old you are but the mascara is a big clue to most people. And if she's open to gay, why do you think she might not be open to trans?
The mascara is subtle.. But I don't think she's okay with trans because I have an uncle who is ftm post op. I brought him up and (with his permission) told her about how my uncle used to be my aunt. She was.. Less than kind
Damn. Ok. In that case, I wouldn't be telling her a thing right now. Your continued contact with your child has priority I'm guessing, for you?
It does, but my happiness has priority as well... I'm sick of feeling out of place and disgusted with myself and depressed
The best way to go about this, is to figure it out before you come out. Figure out your true gender, you don't even have to take hormones and get GRS, you just have to know who you are. Once you figure that out, think of a plan. Find the best way to say everything you need to, think of every plan A, B and C if needed. You're worried that your wife will keep you away from your son, think of a solution to get around that as far as legal rights go. Be prepared to answer a lot of questions and overall, just be patient with those who oppose it if indeed someone does. The most important thing is time. Allow people to warm up to the idea, especially if they've known you for awhile. The change doesn't just happen with you. People who know you will be calling you by a different name, referring to you in a different gender and as for people like your siblings and parents, they'll be saying "daughter/sister" instead of "son/brother" and that could lead to a lot of issues with their lives too. This in no way means don't be who you are, It's just something to remember. The people around you and closest to you are changing their lives as well.
i would be less worried if she was my wife, we never married and we've been seperate for a long while... but thank you all for the advice
