1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm getting really sick of getting hit on by straight people

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Abbra, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Abbra

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2013
    Messages:
    459
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Idaho
    The other day I went off on a guy. On Valentines Day he kept texting me. I didn't really feel like talking to him in the first place. It wasn't anything personal, I simply was in the mood to be alone that evening. Regardless, I kept answering texts so I wouldn't be rude. I saw no harm in making a new friend since I (thought) my sexuality was pretty apparent on facebook. It was apparently not. He ended up calling me and asking me out so I broke the news to him. He kept texting me. When it was a normal question like what my favorite movie is, he would give really shallow answers. Yet he would occasionally pepper in extremely inappropriate things like asking me if I had ever kissed men or if I slept naked (ew.). I just deflected the questions and tried to politely distance myself. He wouldn't relent and just kept texting me. He finally asked me why I wouldn't date a guy and I explained to him that I have no interest. He then said the thing that finally broke me.

    "But I'm not like other guys".

    I went off on him and explained how he's not special and how you would have to have no social skills to even suggest such a thing. I finally had to say a giant "screw off". It was probably pretty damn hurtful.

    A couple of months ago another guy who I can't stand for other reasons went with a friend and I on a day trip to a casino. I'm not going to get into how he drove a car that wasn't his at 90 mph and how he almost got us thrown out of the casino because he was such a drunk asshole. He hit on me for seven hours straight. Keep in mind that he knew me for like a year by this point so he knew my orientation and I barely talked to him since as I said, I kind of can't stand him anyways. He told me that it was cute that I didn't know stuff and I finally punched him and then spent the rest of the night in the hotel.

    A month before that even my best friend wouldn't let up. Me, my best friend, and one of my gay friends got drunk and we sort of dared each other to mess around. Of course I backed out fairly early because that's really goddamn stupid. He kept badgering me on and on about how I should just try it with him since it will make me feel good and he kept this up until I started crying.

    I've also had some minor sexual abuse. When I tried let a guy hook up with one of my friends and he started groping her. Since I felt bad that I tried to hook her up with a guy I barely knew when he grabbed me I let him do stuff to me until he stuck his hands down my pants.



    I want to make this clear. I don't hate all men. My best friend and I patched things up after that incident. But I'm becoming really, really reluctant to be nice to men when I first meet them. I don't want to feel this way. I know I shouldn't be punching people and busting up into tears but I'm legitimately starting to break down. I want to have guy friends but I don't want to be suspicious of their intentions. What should I do to fix these problems? Should I just stop being myself? I'm very friendly to everyone and I'm not being flirty at all. I'm actually pretty damn awkward when meeting people. It's really preventing me from making new friends. I don't think it's fair that my social life has to suffer because other people are rude.

    I just have no idea how to handle this. I'm becoming really lonely and isolated.
     
  2. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Unfortunately a lot of straight men (but by no means all) do not care about a lesbian's orientation. They hear "lesbian" and think they can change it or be an exception. In these cases, I usually ask them if they would fuck a guy and then badger them why if they say no, some get the point, others don't. Occasionally I had a gay male friend cover for me and would pretend to sexually harrass the guys and say everything they said to me to get them to understand it, but It's not always a good idea in case the straight guy beats him up. One thing though is if a guy acts like this....he's not your friend, and you should drop contact immediately.
     
  3. Lin1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,336
    Likes Received:
    531
    Location:
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am in a bit of a similar situation. I am having each time a harder time to not be full-on rude with men when they hit on me. I try to refrain from being impolite but I find their constant ''pushing'' and comments about "how I am too pretty to like girls !" appalling and slightly revolting. I have a history of abuse myself and I often go out at night, and having to put up with their constant crap (for the sake of my friends) is seriously putting a toll on me and making me very impatient with men in general, seriously affecting my social skills in general. I'm trying to work on this but it's not easy and they really aren't helping (not that all men are the same, I am well aware.) Sigh.

    So I feel you !(*hug*)
     
  4. EpicConfusion

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2014
    Messages:
    944
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Solid advice ^
     
  5. Plattyrex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2015
    Messages:
    707
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Flint
    Gender:
    Male
    I've had a situation where somebody who asked me out proceeded to sexually harass me for literally months after I rejected her and most people I talked to didn't see any problem with it, so I do understand where you're coming from. I would say though that I don't mind being hit on necessarily. It makes me uncomfortable for sure, but as long as they leave me alone when they find I'm not interested I can't really hold it against them.
     
    #5 Plattyrex, Feb 21, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2016
  6. Hachi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2015
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Pittsburgh
    Gender:
    Female
    IMO, the second that guy texting you on Vday said ANYTHING inappropriate - that sleeping naked question (yuck) - you should have told him to get lost right there and then. If it hurt his feelings, that's his problem. What he did starting with that and ending with that "I'm not like other guys" crap was entirely disrespectful and gross.

    But you are not alone in this. Whenever guys find out I'm into women their first thought is that I would also enjoy a threesome. In what world is that the logical next step? I swear, sometimes I think these kinds of guys see it as an invitation to "prove us wrong" and show us that they are different. Which is surprisingly similar to what common jerks do to straight women in general.

    So, the good news is, these guys are just awful people. You don't ever have to tolerate or give these kinds of people the time of day. There are guys out there who are respectful towards all women, regardless of sexual orientation.

    I understand how isolating it can be. If you need to talk or vent, feel free to message me.

    (*hug*)
     
  7. FrogFriend

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2016
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    West Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This is the worst. For the most part I manage to deflect it by being the complete opposite of what guys typically find attractive (I'm a loud, independent, sarcastic butch lesbian), but when online and stuff it sucks. My approach is to shut them down the instant they start flirting and being platonically friendly if they stay off it. Don't be afraid to hurt their feelings, nobody is allowed to make you uncomfortable. A lot of it is related to how society tries to teach that as a woman you're supposed to be nice to everyone all the time and that men should be able to do whatever. I say shove a wrench right into those gears and stand for yourself. Don't do anything that would get you in trouble/danger, but don't just let them walk all over you or attempt to coerce you into what they want.
     
  8. Rydia

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2015
    Messages:
    250
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hot Springs
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't think this is a problem really unique to lesbians, other than I guess straight or bi women are at least sometimes interested in the men who are hitting on them.

    I have also found myself tempted to be rude to men who try to hit on me, not because it bothers me that they try, but because I've had so many negative experiences with men who would not back off when I tried to politely indicate to them that I'm not interested. It's like they either don't believe you're actually not interested or that if they wear you down enough, you'll eventually give in. To top it all off, usually if/when they do get to the point where they're ready to give up, they often turn mean.

    With some men it seems like the only thing that will back them off is if you have another male with you that they think might kick their ass for hitting on "their woman." Apparently, some men just have a lot more respect for other men's "property" than they do for women.
     
  9. EpicConfusion

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2014
    Messages:
    944
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think it's fueled by all those stupid movies, books etc. where the guy gets the girl even though he's a total schlub because he's very persistent even though she's clearly not interested. (At first anways.)
     
  10. xXlonelygirlXx

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This is EXACTLY how I feel. I think it's a problem girly girl lesbians have to deal with.. and maybe this is why some might turn butch. I'm only saying some.. So guys will leave them alone because then, only then, they will KNOW you're gay by just your look.

    Not only this, but being a femme lesbian, other women will not know you're gay either unless you wear a t-shirt that says I like girls with a huge rainbow going across it. This is why I think coming out is important as well.. even though in your case, it didn't seem to help. I'm having the same issue. :confused::dry:
     
  11. Kira

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    1,623
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I've had a similar problem multiple times in the past, I don't understand why but the majority of straight guys don't seem to understand the concept of orientation.

    They're always so eager to lose their pants too, even after being declined.