Thanks in advance to anybody patient enough to read all this crap. We all need to rant sometimes. Between parents, dysphoria, and wanting to get out of the house, I'm getting irritable lately. Though even thinking about things like college, the apartment I want, and a driver's license are just bittersweet. I assume all the paperwork and IDs for those things will have my birth name and sex on them...it's like a fucking curse I that follows me around and won't leave me alone. To be bluntly honest I don't even want to go to college; I'll have 4 years of advanced art classes from high school by the time I'm that age, and I plan on being freelance and sell things from a website. If anyone knows the policies on sites like that (Etsy, Threadless, etc), I'd like to know if I can sign up with my *true* name and gender instead of the fake shit that I'm currently stuck with on everything else. And hopefully I won't have to get a job like this but lots of high schoolers get first jobs at places like fast food joints or stores, if I end up doing that, how can I make sure I get a male uniform? Because any extra money for my transition and apartment rent will be great but I won't take that job if I have to wear female clothes or a nametag with my full birth name on it. I don't know how understanding most employers are about trans people either. While I'm on the topic of trans things, I've figured out that binders (or any extra layers of clothes in general) are the main cause of my sweat problems. But I have to bind, or else I really will snap; dysphoria was literally constant before I got my binders. I couldn't focus on anything or move normally; it doesn't matter that I have smaller/medium-ish moobs, what mattered is that my chest should be flat, and it drove me crazy to only have sports bras. Since I can't get top surgery until I move out and get enough money, there's not much I can do to solve the swear problem except continue to use sports deodorant and be choosy about my clothes. Sticking to loose comfortable clothes and athletic/aerated fabrics seems to work well. My mom complains about my clothes a lot, but she has no right to because she won't even accept that I'm trans and is constantly reminding me of my birth sex. It's a pain in the ass to find clothes that I actually like that she'll let me wear. She hates this one pair of joggers I have because they're a bit worn out and has threatened to throw them out. She doesn't do that usually (and hasn't thrown anything out thank god!), and she's a normal mom, but it's that kind of bs that makes it so hard to shop for now. Once I finish driver's ed my best friend and I are actually planning some days to go shopping and buy me clothes from the mens' section without parents finding out. Other than shorts and some tee shirts, my parents won't buy me any mens' clothes and always try to get me to look in the womens' section. It's not just the fit that's wrong, I don't even like any of the styles or color palettes. I'm a guy anyway so I shouldn't have to shop in that section, which thankfully, I have an awesome friend who understands that. For a few more months though I have to very carefully pick out unisex or unlabeled mens' clothes on amazon, which is quite a pain because it kind of limits my choices, and they're so hard to find. If anyone knows of some decent clothes on amazon that aren't womens, please post a link! I know a suggestion to some trans guys is to buy looser or more masculine womens' clothes but I don't even want to go there. Thanks again for reading this.
