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Self harming and not really caring

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Laurence, Feb 21, 2016.

  1. Laurence

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    Everything I read about self harm is like "i need to stop" and "I feel really shit about it". But like, I don't really see what the big deal is? Don't get me wrong, I had the normal reaction when I was doing it when I was like 13. I stopped for a long time but have started again over the past year or so under this whole process.

    It's not like I'm suicidal, I don't hate myself. I think I'm pretty great, it's just society that has a problem with me - and that can get stressful. That's all it is. I feel like if someone were to ask me what it's like to come out as non binary. I would reply with "punching walls doesn't hurt as much as you might think"

    I know I should stop, but only because everyone else says we should help people who self harm to stop. I just don't feel like I'm going through the same thing as everyone else. It's just something I do pretty calmly if I've had a bad day. Anyone who goes through this knows how dependent you can become on it, so maybe some of it is that, but I don't feel like it is.

    My life is pretty shit at the moment. So I think stopping would result in some other nasty form of breakdown I couldn't deal with. I'm coping this way. This all probably sounds like I'm a little cognitively impaired, don't really know what I want from you. Exactly how worrying is this approach to cutting?
     
  2. ForNarnia

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    Well, I know how annoying it can be when people say 'just stop', especially when they don't know what it's like to be a self harmer. Stopping is the right thing to do, but it's also hard to do. I am perfectly fine for a few months, then I'll have a complete mental breakdown, self harm, then go back to being totally fine.
    The attitude you have towards self harm is very dissociative, and that's not good. I sometimes feel the same way, but it's important to know that self harming is not something that you should do.
    I won't tell you to stop, and I won't pretend to know exactly how you feel, because I couldn't possibly know that, but I strongly suggest you try to cut back if you can, and talk to someone about the stress you're feeling.

    I hope you're feeling better soon, and I'm really sorry that you are under so much stress.
     
  3. Laurence

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    Cheers mate, good reply :slight_smile:
     
  4. FrogFriend

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    I can't help with your specific situation, as my self-harm comes mostly when I'm barely aware what I'm doing and just generally freaking. The thing I realized that I can do is use a pen or something instead and just draw/write where I want to cut/scratch. Nothing even in particular, just draw squiggly lines or write out strings of angry curse words and ranting. It seems to help me at least. Sometimes I trace the outlines of my veins or bones and it helps calm me down. Try doing something like that.
     
  5. larkcarmen

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    I wish I could help, but I'm in a similar situation...
     
  6. Helion Solaris

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    It sounds like an outlet for frustrations then. Maybe find another way to vent?? I like playing tennis to get rid of life's extra baggage. I smash a few balls into a tennis wall for about 30min the I feel better.
     
  7. cibi

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    anything chlonazepam/benzodiazepine based should mellow you out of this habbit of yours
    (it is just a suggestion i am not advocating the use of drugs)
     
  8. CyanChachki

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    It's more than definitely a coping mechanism, not a good one but it is one. As hard as it may be to hear, the only person who can stop this is you because you're the one doing it. People can tell you to stop, people can give you better tips and tricks to release the stress in a healthy way, express their deep feelings on what they feel when you harm yourself but it's you who has to stop yourself and you know.. I'm sure you know this.

    Personally speaking, I can tell you right now that no good comes out of it. It's just something that seems to help temporarily, when most of the time, people who self harm think that it's a permanent solution. It's not. If it where, you'd only have to do it once, but you don't. It's something that happens many times..and what do you get out of it? Scars? More sadness? There isn't any genuine relief. A lot of the people I've talked to over this told me that their scars go away and that's a lie. They appear to go away but any time you're around heat, any time you itch your forearms.. they appear and they're always there to remind you of a bad time.

    I know this may seem cold and just downright hurtful, but I'm not meaning to be. I just want you to understand the logical side of this, the opposite of what makes you feel that this is okay. You said that you didn't know what they big deal is. It may not seem like a big deal now but when you're done and over and have personally realized that it doesn't help, those scars are going to be there, reminding you of something that you don't want to remember. People who've hurt you, situations that left a long time ago.

    I still have my scars from when I was 14 and now yeah, I wish I could get rid of them and that I never did what I did, how do you think they'd look on a 27 year old? I wear a hoodie all the time just to cover them and even though they're hidden from the world, they're not hidden from me. I see them every time I wake up in the morning, no matter what I do. When I was 14, 15, 16, 17... I thought it was logical. I thought it was an okay coping mechanism. Now, I ask myself why I bothered. Why I didn't open up. Why I continued to do it when I knew for a fact that it wasn't working. The point is, I don't want to see anyone else growing up going through this as well. It may seem like a decent solution, but it's not. Doing things like exercising and getting out, getting involved with social groups and all that is so much better and it helps. You don't have to be depressed or have some disorder or be taking medications to seek help or seek group therapy with other people your age. Sometimes it's just about discussing new ways of coping with whatever and sometimes.. just venting.
     
  9. Self-harm relieves stress, which is why some people do it. I think society has a problem with it, because they're trying to say "find a different way to manage your emotions and stress." Stopping isn't easy, but I think others worry about the scars and the addiction. I've definitely asked myself the same thing. What's the big deal? I know when I'm happy, I don't feel the urge.