My parents have been debating on something for a while now, and I would like your opinion. Last month I was sexually assaulted on school grounds. I actually uad someone pull my pants off and grab my genitals. This came from a girl who had been physically harming me and sexually harrasing me for months. We went to the school about some of the stuff she did prior to this, but they did next to nothing outside of a short suspension after our millionth complaint to them. I went on to try to kill myself and I mentioned her in my suicide note. I know that's kind of a mean thing to do, but honestly she was probably the biggest part of why I did it so it was at least true. When my mom found out what she did to me she immediately went tot the school. They said they couldn't do anything with no evidence, despite the fact that they were clearly supposed to. My mom's next reaction was to go straight to the police, but she changed her mind. We have since talked to on of our neighbors about it who is a fairly experienced lawyer. He says that it is fairly difficult for a male victim of sexual assault to be successful when pressing charges. He went on to say that if she were to make a counter claim I was more likely to be punished then her. My mom has been in a constant fit of rage while simultaneously trying to nurture me and help me treat my depression, so her judgement is strained right now. She says she's not going to file charges because she doesn't want their to be any chance of me getting in trouble, but she's also been looking into attorneys and asking about how she would go about handling something like that. I will be honest and say I don't want to go to court for this. I know I will get much more support online here, as I already have, but the real world is not like that. If my experiences are anything to go by, the majority of people see nothing wrong with any of what happened to me. I could just happen to have involved a bunch of people who happen to not care, but I doubt it. I really jst want to feel safe again, which isn't something I've felt in a while now. I've talked to my therapist and even she agrees we shouldn't press charges. In the end it's not up to me, but I still want to know what you think, just cause.
This would be stressful thing to pursue so it should be a very careful decision and one that relies on (i) whether there were any witnesses - or is it just a case of your word against hers? (ii) having legal advice. It sounds like she violated you and deserves it, but if you can't get (i) + (ii) you may need to think about "letting it go" - or it will just eat you up.
They can subpoena the school for their security camera footage. There's always that possibility. I say to look inward and digest the idea. If you want to press charges, do it. If not, don't.
Thank you, I am already out of the school now and it has been better for me since. I think I've made some bad first impressions and I've been ultra - sensitive lately, but people are generally much nicer to me. The worst of it was that my friends wanted to stay friends with her after everything she did to me. They are not my friends anymore.
Unfortunately, the lawyer you heard from is most likely correct. It's a clear example of police bias, but it is very real: male victims of sexual violence are rarely taken seriously, especially without corroborating evidence. So as hard as it is, I would probably let it go, provided you never have to see this girl again. And... I, too, am disappointed with your friends, but I really commend you on realizing that you deserve better friends than the ones you had. You seem pretty resilient given the circumstances, and resilience is a predictor of all sorts of very positive things, so I'd encourage you to remind yourself, every day, that you deserve to be loved and appreciated, your boundaries respected, and that you deserve good friends who will have your back.
My train of thought is that I don't want to make this any worse than it has to be. I am emotionally scarred and insecure about all of the terrible things she's done to me, but I suppose I no longer have to put up with her. It feels very wrong that she just gets to walk after literally driving me to attempted suicide, but I really don't want anymore stress from this. She obviously knows she can get away with it though, so hopefully she doesn't do it again with someone else. Thanks though, you're probably right.
Platyrex: Unfortunately, boys being sexual harassed is going to be looked upon as he deserves it or he harassed the girl. It happened at a school here, the boy was harassed by a girl, then his parents sued the school and the girl's parents, but the boy was attacked in the locker room by boys, who were friends of her. I wish sexual harassment was the law for both sexes...it should be...us girls aren't as innocent as believed.
Actually, the laws are on the books, and women do get convicted of sexual harassment. It happens not infrequently in employment cases but it is rare in criminal cases. It's a clear case of a biased perception, but hopefully it is changing over time
