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I don't know how to keep going.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by OddPink1, Feb 27, 2016.

  1. OddPink1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2015
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
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    Location:
    Lonely Street
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Word of warning, I swear quite a lot in this post. so bare with me, or don't. you're call.

    Anyway, I’m getting pretty fucking pissed at every god damned snobby doctor/endocrinologist/psychiatrist etc I’ve had to see about being transgender for the last fucking 1 and a half years now. Literally everyone I’ve seen has made my family jump through hoops to talk to this person, or that person or whatever. Come august I finally got admitted into Perth’s children hospital for their gender diversity clinic or whatever it’s called and to be told I have to wait a couple weeks for a follow up. 2 months later, follow up happens, told I’ll get puberty blockers next appointment. Fast track today, and I’m told that the blockers are basically useless for me, but I have to take them anyway but before I can even have them I have to go to a fertilization clinic, and get a blood test and get an X-ray, and the list goes on. I just can’t fucking believe how goddamn incompetent these people can be when it comes to giving a little information, considering they're a god damn gender identity clinic for crying out loud! You know what the best fucking part is? The best part is that, the dude who I had to see yesterday had the nerve to tell me that after I go to the fertilization clinic, I’m going to have to wait 6-12 weeks until their “board” gets together to discuss what ever the fuck they actually do, by then adding “there’s no rush :slight_smile:”.
    I’ve been waiting to transition for five fucking years. It took me three to work up the courage to come out, and another year until anything actually started to happen. During this entire piece of shit situation, Suicide has crossed my mind more times than I can count because everyday all I can think of is that my entire life has consisted of nothing but video games, wasting my parents money and complaining about chores. Even without that I think of what future entails if I go through with transitioning and guess what, more of my parent’s money being used, $20000 Aud at least. And I think for what? I’ll finally be happy? My Psychologist tells me every time I see her that I need to be happy before I can go get surgery, but how can I do that when my brain gives me better reasons to be depressed? This whole thing they set up for transgender people is so they have no regrets when they finally go for hormones and surgery. But every time I go to see them I just think that the only regrets they make me feel is not realizing I was born different at least seven years or so sooner, or worse, regretting being born at all…
     
  2. FoxEars

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2015
    Messages:
    241
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I understand the problem with the medical service, sometimes the workers don't tell you anything. My Grandma had to insist that the doctor told her everything, even then nothing was quite clear. And when my cousin's foot was ran over, the doctor said that there was nothing wrong with it, even though the toes were broken and almost flat, and the rest of the foot massively swollen. They haven't told her what they were doing either. If you want to know, you must insist upon them giving you the information that you'd expect them to give you regardless.
    Don't give up, I know it's hard and you can't just flick a switch to be happy. You've just got to keep pushing on. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for the people who care for you. If you've ever lost a loved one, you'll know what it's like to grieve. Don't let them go through that.
     
  3. OddPink1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2015
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lonely Street
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    That is one thing that I've got something going for me, Suicide crosses my mind, but so do the consequences which is when I start to break down and cry which definetly means I don't want to go through with it.
    I think the biggest issue is that the hormone blockers that I'm supposed to wait another month or two for, don't actually do anything this far into puberty. The only thing they're apparently good for is if I ever wanted to stop taking them, I can, and "bringing my estrogen levels up" or however the endo worded it. They've set it up so that if you changed your mind that you have a fallback, but they don't ask if you believe you will change your mind, they just assume you may want to go back to "normal". It's like they don't know what gender dysphoria means or something.
     
    #3 OddPink1, Feb 27, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2016