I want to kill myself. I am so upset and frightened at the world right now that I legitimately don't want to be alive. I have been treated so unfairly as of la at e and I don't want to deal with it anymore. The world is a horrible and wretched place and most people choose only to focus on their incredibly stupid and warped perception of reality that completely disregards logic and exists only in the hopes of creating a hateful and broken world that accommodates and caters only to them. I have no reason to believe that anone in the real world outside of my own parents actually care about me in the slightest, and I have nearly no reason to continue my life. I don't mean to sound like I'm wallowing in self pity or anything, but I need to speak to someone about this. I am legitimately considering killing myself again, and I don't think I would fail again. I am much more well researched than I was last time and I am confident that I can choose to take that path should it come to that. I don't think I'm going to do it, because I don't want my family to think I'm selfish or anything, but I'm also to the point where I have no faith in anyone in my life. Nobody cares except for my parents, and they can't do anything to help me anyway. I legitimately don't know what to do right now. The fact that I could instantly solve all of my problems for myself is a comforting idea, especially seeing as how their is no good alternative. I have lost all self respect, all feeling of security ad safety, and all feeling of meaning or belonging. I don't like the being alive and I don't like dealing with things. My entire perception of reality is destroyed. I used to believe in a God, and it made me feel comfortable to think that someone who cared about me and loved me had complete control of the world and would watch over me. I have come to the unfortunate realization that this isn't the case. I would sincerely hope that there simply is no God, as I find that preferable to the notion that my life is in the hands of someone who is willing to sit there and watch as all of these horrible things happen to me and simply chooses to never once intervene. I don't want to be dead, I just hate being alive. I can't stand up for myself or fix any of my prolems on my own. My mom isn't always going to be able to fix things for me when I'm being hurt. I don't want to reach the point in my life where that's the case, and therefore I take comfort in death. I'm sorry for whining at you guys again. I know everything I post equates to me crying about my life, but nobody in real life seems to care about my problems and it makes me feel very lonely and isolated. I don't think I'm going to hurt myself again, I just feel the urge to. I apologize if I said something mean or stupid in here. I'm home alone and I just discovered the lovely embrace of alcohol tonight, so a lot of this might not even make sense. Sorry for whining again, I jst needed to vent. Thank you if you read any of this, I love all of you guys a whole bunch.
(*hug*) It's so hard for you isn't it Plattyrex, I'm here to support you honey. Just remember Platty we can help you out. I am here and I care about your problems hon.
When I was your age I had suicidal feelings as well. I didn't believe that it gets better but it does, but it takes time. What I used to ask myself, is why I cared so much about people's appreciation and recognition. Ultimately I stopped trying, and that's when I finally made friends or made other people care about me - when I visibly stopped trying or even mentally trying too hard. If your parents care, then stay alive for them. It's still an excuse to stop you from committing suicide, and any excuse is a good excuse. Killing yourself won't solve your problems, you'll just fall into an endless sleep too early, never knowing if you could have overcome your situation. In my case I never exactly fully remedied my situation, but so much good happened over the years that it was worth staying alive. Being strong-headed and not coming across as too needy is what makes you attractive to people, otherwise the relationship you'll have will be slightly awkward for the persons involved. You should try and message Samaritans by the way, they're really good and I'd be lying if I said that they weren't a help. A councillor at your school or wherever, actually does help things. Speaking about your feelings out loud in a judgement-free space is different than venting on a forum.
Awe I'm really sorry to hear your story I want you to know if you ever need anyone at allto talk too I'm here for you just keep your head up and good things will come your way your parents will understand your sexuality it dosen't change who you are your still that sweet loving boy that your parents love and nothing will change that man
(*hug*) I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much. I wish I could just take your pain away but unfortunately I cannot. I know that it is such an easy thing to say; but things won't be bad forever. I am not going to pretend that I know what your life is like, all I am going to say is that I am also struggling at the moment with urges pertaining to suicide and others. Feel free to message me if you need to talk. We all care about you on here. Do not feel bad for venting, it is healthy and by posting it or by telling someone (irl) you are doing the right thing, you are being honest about how you feel and asking for support. I applaud you for that, you are stronger than you believe. Sometimes surviving is the most courageous thing one can do... :eusa_clap(&&&)(*hug*)
Part of the problem could be depression, which usually responds to medical treatment. Expanding your social sphere could also make a huge difference. I guarantee without a doubt that there are many people who would like to get to know you, but it takes a bit of work to figure out who might become a friend and who might not. Loads of people have the potential to care about you. Plus there's this forum. We really do care about you. Do you have the number for a hotline in your phone? If you get the urge to kill yourself or start planning to kill yourself, tell someone you know. It's never inappropriate. It's a matter of your safety. Hotlines are also good. One thing that convinced me I want to live is that I might one day be glad to be alive. The funny thing is, I've been much happier since I decided to live and gave up on my plan to kill myself. I'm already glad to be alive. I'm still in tremendous pain though, and get frequent urges to kill myself, but I'm getting better. Medication is helping, and I've established an excellent support network.
Hi. I'm sorry if I alarmed anyone, I'm not going to kill myself. I tried alcohol last night and I wasn't exactly in the clearest state of mind. I won't try to kill myself again, I promise.
