Okay so lately (and by lately I mean a good while) it's been like WW3 in my head. It feels like I'm constantly battling negative thoughts and I've now reached the point where I'm just to exhausted and tired, mentally, to do it anymore. It's the same old stuff that's been in my previous posts but I just can't deal. I've had to tell my two best friends that I can't do anything with them outside of work (they work with me) cuz I just can't deal being around them. I just get this but up anger and resentment and frustration that they have found they special someone at a young age yet I haven't and I'm just sick of being told "it'll happen when you least expect" and "don't focus or worry about it" I'm fed up of being told by LGBT people "oh I didn't meet my partner till I was in my 30s" and this seems pretty much the case with most. It's just unfair I have to wait. Unfair I'm never gonna experience having that special someone, a first kiss, sex (im still a virgin) all of it. Why do I have wait? Why do I have miss out on it yet my friends found it? Most people I know found. I'm told it's no big deal but it is to me and ironically it's got to point where I just can't deal bring around people who are in relationships because I just instantly resent them for having they one thing that I can't even come close. Add on feeling ugly, isolated, bloody terrified of ending up alone, emotional and anxiety and I just don't want to be around my friends anymore. I hate that they have someone. It's annoying I'm like "you shouldn't have someone, it's unfair I don't" obviously I don't say this but I feel it. My friend ask if I wanted to go around to see her new house and I just can't because it just builds up in me that she has someone and if only make things awkward and worse. :tantrum: I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm too tired and fed up that sometimes I wish I wasn't even alive anymore
Hey I'm sorry to hear about your tough times you'll find someone Eventully that will love you unconditionally no matter what It just takes some longer than others keep your head up And everything will be alright I'm sorry to hear about your sucidial thoughts if you need any help or support just ask me and I'll be more than happy to help!
I know it sounds crazy, but you gotta act the way you wanna be seen by all those lovely gentlemen. You gotta love yourself before you can love someone else or receive their love.
I just feel like I'm missing out on things. I know relationship, first kiss, sex isn't everything but you need a relationship for the other two to happen and it's not that I'm desperate it's just... I feel as though I'm missing out on things that other people have found so easy.
I'm with you buddy, it is tough. I am in the same scenario as you. I have watched all my straight friends find girlfriends and boyfriends and get married. I finally come out to a few friends and made a couple of gay friends and I watch them get boyfriends as well. Why did this have to happen to me you ask yourself? You just feel left out, you think it's not fair. I don't give up, I have come to terms with the fact that I may never have a partner though. You need to take a break from WW3 in your head. Relax and try focusing on some other things for a change. Plan a vacation alone and go exploring a new city that you've always wanted to go to. Don't distance yourself from your friends either, as much as you hate the fact they have successful relationships keep in touch with them. Plan on doing something with them every so often. I have read that friendships are just as important if not more important than romantic relationships. I like to get to know a person before I sleep with them but I am considering to try and hook up with someone. Try getting an app and put a profile out there. I think this is a fear (for me anyway) that needs to be overcome. Push yourself a little bit. My last bit of advice is to seek a therapist if you have to. Talk to a professional about it if you have to. You are a good person, you deserve to be happy with or without a partner. Good luck and don't give up!
I don't like the thought I've never having a partner. It bloody terrifies me to death, I'm so scared of it happening
