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Sub-tenant problem

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Euler, Feb 29, 2016.

  1. Euler

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    Hey everyone,

    I live in a big house and have a rather big rent to pay. For this reason I rent out 2 extra bed rooms in my house mostly for short term tenants to help me pay the rent. So far I have had people all around the world with no problems.

    Now here is the problem. Today an African guy came to see one of the rooms. He brought two of his friends with him and one of them was interested in renting the other room. Now, I was a bit uncomfortable from the moment they entered my house. I can't really pinpoint the reason. Perhaps it was because I was expecting just a one person and instead there were 3. Or then perhaps I have subconscious prejudices against Africans. I can't really say. I do have some African friends and I have no problems with them.

    Now, the problem is this. They both want to take the rooms which makes me a little uncomfortable for a couple of reasons. First, if one leaves the other is likely to leave at the same time making my rental income very volatile. The other is that in case of disputes I expect two friends to stick together against me.

    Then I have a couple of other reasons why I don't want them. The first is that the other guy has a 5-year-old daughter who would spend every other week-end with his dad and I don't really want kids to my house even temporarily but yet for some reason I was afraid to say it aloud to him straight. Then the other reasons is a bit more of a pet-peeve. The guys used the bath room and I notice they didn't wash their hands which I find very disgusting.

    Now, I know for sure I don't want them to live here but I got a two issues:

    1) Although my reasons sound to me reasonable but I fear that perhaps they are just rationalizations. Perhaps the true reason is I'm subconsciously racist against Africans? I know for sure I'm not racist to Indians, East Asians and African Americans but could I be racist towards black Africans?

    2) How should I tell them I don't want them? I don't want to come off as a racist or rude and I would not like to make them feel discriminated against. Since my landlord wants to approve all tenants who come to live here I considered saying that my landlord does not want them but then they probably think the landlord was a racist.

    Any thoughts how should I handle the situation? And of course what do you think am I hidden racist? Even if I am I don't think it's a good idea to say yes to them if it made my life uncomfortable.
     
  2. Distant Echo

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    For one, it's your house and you need to feel comfortable in your own house. Something about these guys bothers you....listen to your gut.
    As for racist....if these were two white guys would you be considering ignoring your gut?
    If your gut says no, then no. And for one at least, the child is enough reason.
     
    #2 Distant Echo, Feb 29, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2016
  3. Euler

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    Yeah, you are right that I would not ignore my gut if they were white of my own nationality. But I guess I would still somehow struggle to come up with a way to say no.

    For some reason I need to justify for myself whenever I say no to anyone for any reason. I know it's not a good thing. Is it OK just to say no and give no particular reason? I feel bad for not justifying my action or making someone feel bad but then again I realize it's ridiculous to make up elaborate excuses.
     
  4. Ram90

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    I don't think you are racist, solely because you are looking past the color of their skin and their nationality and ethnicity and at what makes you uncomfortable about them, for instance their attitudes.

    As for a valid reason, why can't you just tell them that you'd prefer to rent out the 2 rooms to 2 different people for your own comfort (financial security, as the possibility of them moving out at once is statistically lower than the other). But you might face another issue if you go this route, meaning the one with the child could opt for the room instead of the other, making your issue crop up again.

    Might as well quote both reasons (Wanting 2 different people, 2 strangers renting both rooms and no children allowed). While they might take offense to your conditions, you are very valid in your rules and they are in their rights to refuse, everyone's happy then.
     
  5. Chip

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    I think it's really thoughtful that you're considering the subtle or unconscious biases and prejudices that may be at play here. However, if we remove the issue of race from the equation, we have

    -- A guy with a 5 year old daughter who would be there every other weekend
    -- Two friends who could potentially "outvote" you
    -- Two friends who would, likely, both move out at the same time
    -- And your intuition that it simply doesn't feel like a good fit to you.

    I've lived with housemates for 25+ years. I've learned to trust my intuition 100%. In the cases where I went against my gut and took people that seemed nice, but my gut told me were a bad idea for one reason or another... 100% of the time it's been a bad thing. So now, I always listen to my gut.

    It's possible there's some underlying bias that's influencing your decision process here. But what's more important is that, putting the racial issue aside, there are very, very plausible reasons why you aren't comfortable.

    I think the simplest test you can make is this: If two caucasian friends came to see the room(s) with the same issues (child, friends, leaving together), would you have the same reservations and be unlikely to want to rent to them? I suspect the answer is yes. If so, this isn't a race-motivated decision, but one based in practicality. And I think there's plenty of reason to simply say this doesn't feel like a good fit.

    As for how to tell them, I think you could be honest... you'd rather not rent to two friends, as it creates a potential power dynamic you'd rather not have to potentially address, you don't really feel comfortable having kids around, and so it doesn't feel like a good fit for you. Or, as I've often done, you could simply say "I don't feel like it would be a good fit" and leave it at that, only offering the details if they question you further.
     
  6. Euler

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    Thanks everyone for your advice.

    I think I will just drop them a short email thanking them for their interest and saying that after sleeping over it I have decided against offering the apartment to them as I feel we would not be a good fit.