I've been out, to the world, for about 15 years. Everyone I know well, knows I'm gay. But I have a wide circle of casual acquaintances, for example, 40 people that I see at least once a week in a dart league. I also play in another league with around 250 members. I'm the only openly gay member I know of, either league. (I know it's the buckle of the Bible belt, but come on, do the math.) The first serious discussion I have with someone, I usually find a way to work in that I'm gay. I also try to make it plain that it's not classified information. They can tell anyone they please. I don't want my sexual identification to define me, but in the interest of "everything getting better", I feel it's important for people to know that they know gay people. So I think of visibility as a public service, not to mention personal pride and integrity. My frustration is that I routinely hear people say "I didn't know you're gay," even if we've rubbed shoulders for two years. I'm a fairly masculine bear, not effeminate, not flamboyant in mannerisms. I'm not acting straight, just being me. I tell people I'm gay, wear pink shirts often, wear a 12ga 1/2" hoop in my right ear lobe, confront homophobic jokes and expressions publicly, whenever I hear them. I drop conversational hints constantly ("that guy's shorts are driving me crazy"), and more. Short of tattooing a big pink triangle on my forehead, what else can I do to casually let people know?
I think it sounds like you're doing everything you can. Some people just aren't going to notice unless you tell them flat out, whether because they're just oblivious or born from a place of ignorance because they rely on stereotypes to guess others' sexuality. Just keep being you. Drop hints when you want and tell people directly when it seems appropriate.
TBH, other than flat out telling people or the comment about a guy's shorts, none of the things you list here really scream (or even politely cough and say) 'gay' to me. Once upon a time perhaps, but modern culture and fashion have moved on such that pink shirts, earrings of whatever type, in either ear, or confronting homophobic comments are all things that straights, or straight allies might do without raising any eyebrows (or many eyebrows anyway). If you're looking to be really direct (or at least less subtle) about it, you might look into gay T-shirts, jewelry, or other accessories. Some sites that a bit of googling turned up: Etsy CafePress Zazzle Do a google on 'gay t-shirts' and millions of sites come up. The above are just the first three I looked at. Gay pride jewelry is also readily findable (again Google is your friend) and mostly runs to rainbows, although you might also find more subtle items with a bit of search. Gay pride accessories can range from ties to pins to and much else besides. This site HERE came up when I did a quick search and seems to cover a whole range of items from accessories to shirts to jewelry to anything else you might want. Have fun Todd
I'm very much like the original poster in that I don't "register as gay." A lot of people are still shocked when I tell them. Anyways, because of this for the past year I've taken to wearing a pride bracelet everywhere. Because of it, I've gotten quite a few flirts from gay guys out and out. And that way I don't have to tell as many new people.
Thanks to all for the suggestions. (The Rainbow Depot link, they have some merch I haven't been seeing forever.) > none of the things you list here really scream (or even politely cough and say) 'gay' to me I know. Modern piercings tend to be meaningless, and seems to be only a small fraction who've ever been aware of the right ear hoop thing. Straight boys wear pink. Allies wear much of the same pride accessories as family. I suppose those are mostly good things. I just got some pride flag patches, planning to start putting them on league shirts. Hopefully the day will come soon when coming out isn't a big thing. I still live in "the buckle of the Bible belt". As long as kids still get beaten, disowned, kicked out, et c., I still feel a responsibility to be visibly queer, to gay and straight alike. Eventually maybe the bigots will learn that we're normal humans with normal emotions.
