Not Fitting the Part

It is very difficult to give any advice on this topic. I know exactly what you're talking about, I also want what you want. But it's simply impossible. We will always be in the same body. Maybe we just should wait for society to change. Maybe chubby guys will be the next "cool" thing. And if anyone tells me "just lose weight and workout" well that's not a solution. What I have noticed is that once you've been fat for many years, your body completely adjusts in every way to being fat. Even if you lose all the weight and get ripped, (which will take years) you'll always look sort of 'off' in terms of fitting in to that stereotype that we so badly want to be considered a part of. I'll tell you why with an example. My dad, is from a very poor part of cuba. He always told me he didn't even have shoes until like age 10. Imagine growing up in a place where you MUST work manual labor A LOT. Don't even think about including a car in this story either. Walk everywhere. Only form of entertainment is makeshift sports. What did this do to my dad's body? It adjusted for hard work and constant running. His ankle has a bone, or a tendon or something that's simply more pronounced in a way. Why? Because it had to grow into that shape given the amount of walking/running he was doing. Body posture, the way you look when you walk, everything 'adjusts'. Now comes my life, car everywhere, no need for sports (rarely played), sedentary lifestyle, don't need to work for anything, and if I do its more of things like filling out paperwork, studying or things like that. Again the body adjusts our walk, body shape and fat. So even if I lose weight I will not be as hot as I want to be. I'm not gonna lie my dad is a good looking fellow, he was very ripped at one point and I've always been envious of that.
The sad truth is that we will never be hot, it's too late. Our environment sculpted us, some kids got lucky and got nice bodies. Not us though. So the best thing we can do right now is make money. My dad always said there's a solution for everything, in a way he's right. If you're like me, your problem is being lonely and longing for "love". Well the solution for that (in our case) is making money and finding someone who's dumb enough to think we are dumb. They will see your nice clothes, car, house, shoes, whatever and start telling you how they think you're cute, handsome, sexy. But we know they love it when you buy them things. They will keep coming back, each time you get your fix of intimacy, and they get their clothes/gifts/money whatever.
That's all love is, just an exchange, a trade.
I'd rather tell you all this than tell you to hit the gym and work your ass off like an idiot. I've been through it, I tried really hard. The whole time I was imagining in my mind how id be walking around the mall wearing my trendy clothes, feeling amazing. It was an illusion. If you have to think about it the way you are thinking about it, it will just never happen.

---------- Post added 8th Mar 2016 at 10:38 PM ----------

And what I wrote above, I just want to point out that it's a harsh reality for me that I wish I would have known sooner. My parents didn't tell me "focus on school because that's all you will ever have going for you, dude. You're ugly and fat, just remember that." They should have, though. If they would have, maybe I'd be really well off right now economically and have what I recently (last 5 years) realized I TRULY want, which is sex and intimacy. But no parents will ever be that ruthless with their kids,(or maybe there is some that will, idk) so it's understandable..
And then there's therapists, lol never-ending I'm going way off topic. Ask me if you want though.

 

Well I had the same issues a few months back. I realized not everyone can have everything, and everyone has something. I have a deformed back and rib cage due to years of having bad scoliosis and now, I look like someone took a lead pipe to a skeleton and threw some skin over it. This led to the old "I'll never be happy or find someone due to people thinking I'm hideous." As you can tell I got depressed and all that. A lot of soul searching and having a crush on a person who claimed they too were hideous and believed they would never find someone led me to this answer: Everyone has Pros and Cons. I have a grossed back, so what! Who doesn't have some weird off setting thing. I have a lot of nice things about me too, and so do you! Also the whole all gay men have to be fit and in shape is funny, it's like saying every straight man and women has to be model worthy, which is kinda funny if you think about.

Scaredboy, God Damn, way to be a Debby downer. I would agree with you on any other depressing aspect of society but love is the one thing that hasn't been corrupted by this unforgiving world. Youre probably thinking I'm just a dumb kid I don't know anything about the real world, but I've been though enough shit for five life times. For God's sake your answer was get a good job so you can what you describe as prostitution of some level. I would date anyone who has similar interests as I do and dresses well. physical appearances are just 1/8 of the puzzle. Love is the only thing that keeps us going in this world and you tell a kid who isn't even ugly mind you, that love is a sham. Way to be a down beat.

 

I would like to clarify I never called anyone ugly. OP has nice facial features. I was just talking about the overweight issue. I wouldn't call it prostitution. It's quite different. It sucks but that's the way the world works.

 

Hi JebtheSheep, I can relate on the poor self image as I'm sure many of us can. Most people you'd probably look at and then be surprised they feel that way. Some people might say the same for you. As for feeling like you don't "fit the part", I want to ask that you look at any fellow gay men you know personally. I'm having trouble myself with that last part as I'm fairly new being out(ish) and I'm 32 with no ties to the gay community yet, I am working on it. I can say for sure though that in my entire life, I haven't known even a handful of people that "fit the part" gay or straight. Yet, even knowing this I'm still a little self conscious about the way I look. Nobody can change this for us, they can be there to reassure us and give opinions, advice or tips on how to feel better about ourselves and to know we actually can feel better. I do know for sure that what we seek is not in material things such as where we work, what we drive, the objects we've bought or in the way we look, it is in the way we live and think. Speaking just on physical aspects of attraction though, everybody likes different things. I'm sure someone out there will think we "fit the part" just right. There's a few billion people out there and only a fraction of them gay so it's probably best we get looking right?

 

I didn't mean to go off Scaredboy, love is just one of those mysterious thing that I grab on to and refuse to let go. When someone pops my ignorance bubble that I'm hiding in I have to passify my self a bit, sorry.