I have this girl bestfriend right now. My group of friends consist of 8 people including me. I started telling what I'm feeling for my bestfriend to one of my friends in the group. Then the next day it was so weird, we were like alluding all the things we wanted to tell to each other but we can't do it in person. I'm kinda pissed and happy at the same time when she knew about what I'm feeling for her. My friends knows that I'm bisexual, but predominantly gay. I'm very open to them regarding my boy crushes and even my sexually explicit dreams with some random guy in the university. We're very open about almost all things in our what I call "squad". So here's the thing, my bestfriend knew that I have a crush on her, afterwards she suddenly sent me a message on facebook just leaving a "I have a crush on you. Okay? Kbye." I pretended to have no knowledge about what she's talking about. The next day, we talked personally about all the revelations that happened yesterday, we were just laughing it off. I literally don't know what to say to her during that time. I had lots of things to say to her, but I was just very nervous and panicking because I haven't had a crush on any girl for like 4 years. Then just today, I just made all my feelings clear to her via a message online. I told her that if only I would be able to immediately adjust with all this back to "being the man(straight guy) in a romantic setting" I would immediately court her and ask her to be my girlfriend. I'm only struggling about the fact that I feel as though I'm too ugly for her, I'm too flamboyant, too gay, too effeminate for me to be her boyfriend. I'm not even her type of guy. She's really upset about the fact that I'm sad that I can't do anything about what I'm feeling for her and so is she to me. I feel like if I court her right now, it's either I'm going to be uncomfortable because I don't know if she would accept my reservations as a very effeminate bisexual guy. What I'm trying to say is, if ever I'm going to engage in a relationship with her, I won't be able to stop myself looking at attractive/hot guys when I'm with her. There's just too much things that I can't even explain why I'm feeling like this. :bang: I need advice, there's no one else that can help me and will listen to me. Not even my overly religious mom. :eusa_doh:
It's good that you are being honest with yourself and talking about your worries and reservations in this thread. Some of the things you mention (being too ugly... too flamboyant... too gay... too effeminate) are unreasonable and self defeating and you should set those issues aside and let the girl decide if any of that is true and a deal breaker for her. Of greater importance are your worries about feeling uncomfortable and possibly being unable to remain faithful. I can't tell you what to do, but I do think a relationship requires honesty and commitment and if you think you can offer that to this one girl then it should be okay to move things forward, but if you have doubts, think again.
If you have romantic feelings for her, be your normal romantic self. The Facebook stuff sounds confusing to me, too, but then again, forums like this are about as close as I ever come to social media. If you're worried about romantic pressure damaging the friendship, I'd say come out and ask how she feels. (For the record, the whole types and labels thing doesn't usually make a lot of difference in one on one relationships.) If she really doesn't feel the same way, then you're just getting another lesson in unrequited love. (We've all felt that pain.) Good luck. ---------- Post added 9th Mar 2016 at 02:04 PM ---------- And if you're worried about looking at boys when you're committed (to some extent) to her, do you think you'd have the same problem if committed to a boy? If not, then that might be an indicator that you're leaning more toward gay than bi.
How do you know you're not "her type of guy?" Has she told you what her "type" is? When a bi guy likes me, he is making a big mistake if he thinks I want him to be extra macho for me, as that would turn me off very fast! (This has happened several times..) Just because she may say she's "straight", it's just a label, it doesn't mean she wants you to be super manly or any different from what you already are. If she likes you as you are, then don't change!!
