So I started going to this therapist on Mondays and the first two sessions were all right talking about communication and try not to be so conflict avoidant. However this third session was how I see it mostly criticism. Constructive criticism comes in small things like "I don't like this blah blah blah do better" however for the hour I was in there it was one after the other telling me the things I'm bad at and need to work on. My mom goes in first and talks about what she is seeing and then I go in but this time we went in together. It started off ok talking about me trying not to be on technology so much (this I understand I'm mostly just on my computer to ignore my stepdad) Next he talked about how being on technology is isolating me from real confrontation and to talk to people. Basically he went on and talked about how I need to spend more time with my dad to learn and become a man and it will help me with talking to people and making more friends. He also added you need to grow up and be a man as God intended it to be like are you kidding me, really?! Then we talked about if I'm so conflict avoidant then I could be picked on and such even though I'm like 5' 10-11 and I told him that but still he was said people might still pick on me. Finally he said I'm "unmasculine and that is a HUGE turn off to women". As well as he asked who I feel more comfortable with males or females in which I replied "depends on who they are" that being my panic answer. (It is girls though) On the way home I just cried. My mom said this was for my own good, but really? And now I begged her not to make me go back but she can't even promise that. Need support, can't look at my mom the same recently
That sounds really dubious therapist. I assume it's just you, your mom and the therapist? If a therapist starts telling you that you need to be more masculine and that be a man like God intended, then he is not a good therapist and you should tell him that. That is cruel, manipulative and totally unprofessional. Why are you going to therapy? Because your mom does not like you playing computer games and dissing her new husband? Tell your mom, that if you are going to a therapy, you want to meet an actual professional therapist, not some unemphatic religious nutty who tries to instill his values to you. Therapy can be good but what you are being put through is not therapy.
This is some very un-therapist like stuff to say someone. It's important to how you deliver your words to clients. Therapists shouldn't be imposing their views on to you.
That therapist needs to be shot. Or at the very least, lose his license. Hearing stories like this makes me genuinely angry, because it casts a terrible light on the profession. There is a very clear violation of ethical standards. A therapist should NEVER tell you what you should do, how you should be, and telling anyone 'they aren't masculine enough' is in itself probably actionable as it goes directly against the standards of the profession. I would flat out tell your mom you refuse to go back to this therapist. If she forces you, I would go and be completely silent for the hour. You could start the session by saying you are not interested in further work with him and do not feel it is a match, And you will not be engaging further. Ordinarily I would suggest bringing the concerns you have to the therapist, but this one is too far gone, based on what you have described, to get what you are saying. So I'd ignore the therapist and pretend he isn't there. Therapists are used to teens doing this so he will say more and more provocative things to try to engage you, to get *some* response, even an angry one. If you can't stay silent, you could say 'I've received professional advice that your behavior and approach violates ethical standards for the profession, so either we terminate this relatiohship, or I will file a formal complaint with the licensing board." But... If he asks why... Just say, "as I said, I'm not engaging and have nothing further to say. Are we done?" Likely,the threat to file a complaint will get his attention on and likely scare him enough that he will agree and tell your mom it isn't a fit. You would absolutely benefit from therapy, but not from this guy. I'd suggest telling your mom you are happy to go to therapy, but you want to be involved in picking the therapist. Let me know ow if you would like help finding one in your area.
