So I cut myself sometimes. When I'm stressed out or, honestly, when I feel like I've hurt someone. Me and my mom got in a fight this morning and I hurt myself afterwards. Then later, when we were making up for it, I was crying and she saw the blood under my sleeve (I didn't have time to bandage it) It really sucked. I'm really embarrassed- more than I've ever been in my life. Ugh honestly I don't know what I'm going to do without a way to get rid of the stress. I don't have any friends. They've all been unsupportive of me, and eventually I had to draw the line with some of them who continuously picked on me because of their own problems. also, I'm in a performing arts program where the kids are really competitive with each other, and I'm unpopular there (I'm "the nerd," you could say, which is funny because they are all theater-nerds anyway.) This can't happen again, or my mom will send me to therapy. She tells me that when I go to college for running start, I may meet people who are creative types and who won't judge me on my orientation, but I've kind of lost my faith in people. I love her so much, and she's been really supportive of me recently, she really came around about my orientation. But now I've disappointed her... what do I do to fix this???
I completely understand this. My mum finding out about my self harming and confronting me about it was one of the most embarrassing and humiliating situations I've been in. You can make it into a good or a bad situation now though, you can't change what's happened. Please don't think that youve disappointed her, you're dealing with your feelings the only way you currently know how. She cares about you and wants what's best for you so her knowing may be the insentive you need to stop. If you're feeling the need to harm then could you not talk to her? Confide in her so shes involved more in your life and then she might feel a little more comfortable because some trust may have been lost between you at the moment, don't worry though you'll gain it back. If you need alternatives to self harming I can recommend: -writing how you feel in a diary -doing something creative e.g. write a story, poem, draw, paint, etc. -sport/exercise -go for a walk (clear your head) -have a shower/bath -read a book or listen to music You just have to find the right alternative coping mechanism for you. Can I ask though, have you thought of seeing a therapist? People get scared of the idea but really all it would be is you talking to a person about how you feel to try to make sense of it and just get some things off your chest. With how you're feeling about being unable to trust friends at the moment it sounds as though that might be beneficial to you?
Hey, somewhat-newbie-to-EC, I am still struggling against self harm, so I feel as if I'm in a relevant position to help you out. Firstly, your mom seems pretty supportive towards you in general. You might feel embarrassed, but while she might be concerned (as she should be, honestly), I'm sure she isn't going to hate you or be ashamed of you. You say you worry about her sending you to therapy, but I actually think therapy might be useful in your case. It would be a way to help you release that stress and deal with it in more healthy ways.
Thanks for replies I have occasionally thought about therapy... I don't think my family could afford it right now. If my urges to self harm are really persistent I might try and find a support group.
If you're worried about the cost of therapy and you're still in school, you might be able to talk to a school counselor about things.
If you're still in school, a school counsellor could point you in the direction of affordable options. In my case, I also couldn't afford therapy. When I brought this up to my school counsellor they were able to get me into a clinical counselling facility that saw low-income patients pro bono. I received therapy from an intern who was closely supervised by certified psychologists and psychiatrists. While it might not be the same, there might be options available for you if you decide to seek therapy but can't afford it.
