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Difference between romantic orientation and sexual orientation?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Im queer2bclear, Mar 16, 2016.

  1. Im queer2bclear

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    I think I might know the difference but I'm not quite sure... And I'm not sure if I've got my label right... I have issues with labels.
     
  2. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    As I understand it, romantic orientation is who you see yourself dating, kissing, snuggling with, holding hands with and all the normal relationship stuff, apart from sex.

    Then sexual orientation is who you find yourself physically attracted to. In other words, who you'd like to have sex with.
     
  3. Chip

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    A simple way to think about it: romantic orientation (as the term is used) is really another term for a close, emotionally intimate friendship.

    Most people want their primary relationship to be with someone that is a 'best friend' *and* someone they feel attraction, arousal, and sexual connection to. That's really all we are talking about here.

    The majority of people that separate the two, at least from everything I have seen, are people that are still coming to terms with their same-sex attraction. Gay guys, for example, often have really close friendships with girls, but would never dream of having sex with them (think 'will and grace', or Kurt's girlfriends on Glee). They don't want to give up the idea of being straight fully, so they hold onto this idea that their attractions are separate. But when you look at the actual definitions of 'romantic attraction', there are virtually no distinguishing traits or characteristics that differentiate it from close, emotionally intimate friendship.
     
  4. guitar

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    I'm reading a book called Gay, Straight, and The Reason Why: The Science of Sexuality by Simon Levay, and it very much echoes what Chip said above.

    For myself, although I didn't know the term "romantic attraction," that's what I felt with women in the period in my life I thought I was gay. What I really had was a Will and Grace friendship with my girlfriend at the time. "See? I'm still 'attracted' to girls!" To which the me of today would respond, "Well, no, you like being friends with her, but you really have no desire to be intimate."

    By the way, only somewhat related, but something fascinating I've learned from the book is how much more binary male sexuality is as compared to female sexuality. Males tend to cluster at either the gay or straight ends of the spectrum. There are quite a few higher percentage points of women in the Kinsey 2-4 range. That is NOT to say there aren't bisexual males, just that it isn't quite as common, at least according to the data.
     
    #4 guitar, Mar 16, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2016
  5. guitar

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    Erm, noticed a type-o: "that's what I felt with women in the period in my life I thought I was gay" - I meant to say bi.
     
  6. truebraethic

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    No difference. It's the same thing and the attempt to split them just reinforces the idea of sexuality as dirty.
     
  7. yuanzi

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    Romantically I am always attracted to people that make me feel safe, protected and valued (I am sure a therapist will have a lot to say about that). That's pretty much the only reason I consider myself bi-sexual as I am almost only attracted to girls sexually.