Okay, so I came out to my mum as being transgender at the end of December and it went quite badly. She didn't take it well and in the end I just told her that it was a phase and I just preferred dressing more masculine because it made her so upset. Now it has came to the point where I can no longer hide this part of me due to the mental effect it is having on my well-being. I have written out a letter to her explaining how I feel and that I would like to go by male pronouns and it is ready for me to give to her at any minute. I just can't decide whether or not I should leave it for her when I go off to a camp for 9 days (it's just over a week away) as if I do that then it will give her time to really think it through and me time to prepare myself for returning home. In my opinion that would be easier for me but I'm not sure if I'm ready to have to go through what I did a few months ago again. I just don't know how much longer I can hide this part of me without it ending badly. I have already decided that I am not going to tell her in person because that is what I did last time and that was too upsetting for the both of us, so please don't suggest that I tell her in person. Any opinions or advice would be much appreciated.
Honestly I wouldn't do it before you go. Give it to her, have her read it and maybe go out for a couple hours and come back to give her a chance to mull it over but don't leave it days. Its only going to stress you out and ruin your time at camp and shes going to want to talk to you and be unable to so all her pent up feelings might come out in a rush when you get back. Also there's a chance she could completely dismiss it and not mention it if you leave it too long. The letter is definitely a good idea, I used the same approach to come out to my parents and it allowed me to get all of what I wanted to say down. I'd print out resources that might help her understand too. The NHS do some decent leaflets and things explaining dysphoria and providing support for families etc. Also look for local groups that she could go to if she wants someone to talk to about it and just overall help understanding. If she feels like she has no one to talk to it will only make it harder for her to accept and understand (my dad made that clear to me). Also if she sees all the effort you've put in to trying to get her to understand, I'd hope that she'd be able to see that this means a lot to you and try to understand for your sake. What I'd suggest is giving her the letter in the morning next week (so itd be Easter anyway) and go out for a couple hours/a day and write at the bottom of the letter that you'd like to talk to her about it when you get home but you're giving her time to let her process it. Obviously you do what you're comfortable with and if that's leaving it over the 9 days you're at camp then definitely do that instead. If you need someone to talk to just post on my wall. And let me know if I can help you find any resources you think might help her understand. Good luck.
Thanks, I think I will do as you have suggested and give it to her before or after I go (depending on how things are). I will try and find some of those leaflets and different types of resources so that I can give those to her along with the letter. Thanks
