First off I want to apologize for taking up space here. I brought up this issue with my therapist also and she admitted that she did not have a lot of experience with this and encouraged me to seek out other avenues of support. So here I am, again. I made a post two years ago, but cant find it. Back then she and I had only known each other a few months and had slept together once. It turned out she had a gf at the time. I took a big step back and over a few more months we all started hanging out together, nothing sexual though. Since then, she and I have slept together a few times, maybe 4-5. We talk more or less daily, and have done so for 1.5 years and go on trips together that arent always sexual. She is single now and over the past few months we have spoken about getting married one day and having an open relationship. And she shares this with some of her close friends. She identifies as a lesbian though sometimes says shes bi. Unfortunately, in the past few weeks I have been experiencing panic attacks ( I have PTSD) and stay up at night thinking about her and how it will never work and how she wants to be with a woman. Its been a solid friendship with this odd romantic tinge that is rarely spoken about. Im just really stressed right now and dont know who I can reach out to right now. Any advice is appreciated and again, I apologize if this is inappropriate.
Hey, there. This is a tough situation to be in, and I'm certainly not any kind of expert, but I'm going to preach to you what I preach to everyone having relationship troubles: communication is key. If you're really stressing out about this, and it's causing spikes in your mental illness, you need to sit down and talk to her about it. It can be tough, and it might not be the advice you want to hear- but by the sounds of it, she isn't somebody you can easily just cut out of your life (which is often my go-to advice when it comes to people and relationships), and I doubt you would want to. You need to tackle the problem head on and tell her you're upset, or it's going to get worse. I can offer some perspective from her side, too: it's really difficult for a lot of people to admit to being bisexual, either to themselves or others. There's an extreme amount of erasure when it comes to bisexuality, and so many people dismiss it as not being real- that you have to be either one or the other. A lot of that can get internalized, even if one logically knows it isn't true. There's no need to apologize for taking up space here- I'm sure we're all more than happy to offer advice, and there's no policy in place here against heterosexual people joining. You're more than welcome here- it's a safe space for everyone. One last reminder that I'm not an expert on these things, so take my advice with a grain of salt. In the end, what you decide is up to you, but I do think that you should communicate with her about this.
Hey welcome back, I do not take position in any particular partnership or family arrangement. It is possible that you could have a balanced and happy relationship to this woman or even possibly going Mormon and having a relationship to her and her GF. However, there is a reason why this is relatively uncommon. Jealousy, fear of abandonment, prejudice and various other factors make non-monogamous non-binary relationships very challenging. Now you mentioned that you are suffering from anxiety and that you are seeing a therapist. Also, you took very submissive and apologetic stance by apologizing for being here which is completely unnecessary and very unusual (unless you are a Japanese who apologize to virtually everything). All this tells me that you are likely to have serious emotional issues that might adversely affect any relationship you are might to get into. It's vital that you address these questions and since you have a therapist you are clearly taking your issues seriously. Have you inspected your feelings towards this girl? Could your feelings towards her be reflections of something? Is she your first love? Is it difficult for you to go out and look for a girl friend? Are sure you would be OK with an open relationship? JasmineTea was absolutely right that the open and honest communication is the key to any healthy and balanced relationship. However, in order to be open in communication you need to first figure out what is it that you need to communicate. My concern is that you might be clinging on to her because you feel that she is the only person with whom you feel you have any chances to a relationship or love even though this is not true.
Thanks Euler I've actually been in open relationships before and no this is not my first love. I was apologetic because im simply feeling quite vulnerable and unsure of myself right now. Also, I'm never sure what position to take when as a straight man coming to an lgbt group for support. I do very well with women and am currently seeing a few. I think Both you and JasmineTea are correct that I have to communicate with her about this. She is a pretty poor communicator when it comes to emotions. Typically she just clams up and feels ashamed. There was one other woman whom marriage was a possibility and it ended terribly so this may be related. My ptsd has improved drastically though I still have episodes a bit and I am in the middle of one right now. Which of course is so scary. Thanks a lot for the replies. Even though I'm in a fairly progressive area, talk of non binary relationships is not common in my circle. I think finding a place that can talk more about this possibility is paramount. Again, thanks a lot and I'm glad I came here.
