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Am I wrong for not wanting to see my grandmother?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by AwesomGaytheist, Mar 28, 2016.

  1. AwesomGaytheist

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    As you may recall, six months ago, my grandmother had a near-fatal stroke. Two months later, she had another that damaged her brain so badly that her personality is now dead and she talks about things that don't make sense and about people that have been dead for a long time.

    Yesterday we all went over to her assisted living apartment and she talked about a business venture, investments, and a yardstick nonstop for an hour. Half the time she thinks she's in Florida, and the other half of the time she knows she's in Michigan but can't understand why we can't swing by her condo since Florida is a stone's throw from here. Not only that, but she also sat there talking about hiring me to drive her around for $1,000 a week.

    I get that it's just the brain damage, but for my own emotional sake, I don't want to see her. I don't want to go visit, I don't want to have to sit there and see that. Despite e fact that her body is alive, the sweet old woman who was my grandmother is dead, gone, and never coming back. Instead she's been replaced with this personality none of us can bear to see, but yet my mother does it anyway. I don't know how she can do it. She spends quite literally all her time outside work at the nursing home.

    I just can't stand seeing her like that. Am I wrong for feeling this way? This situation has added so much stress, so much anguish, so much family drama and dysfunction. And then on top of it all, we have to go there and sit and listen to her ramble on about how cardboard children came to visit her last night and how my step grandfather (who's been dead since 2009) sent her a card.
     
  2. Euler

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    Would she notice or miss you if you didn't visit?
     
  3. killswitch0029

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    That's a tough situation to be in. I don't think that you're wrong for choosing not to see her. I've known people who had relatives with brain damage or Alzheimer or similar issues where the emotional turmoil just builds up to the point where they just cannot bring themselves to be around the person anymore. So no, I don't think that you're wrong for feeling the way you do
     
  4. FoxEars

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    It's completely normal to not want to see her, sometimes it's easier to just remember how she was before the strokes. I know I didn't really want to see my Grandad in hospital in the later stages of dementia, I wanted to remember him how he was. However I went with my Dad every time he asked, just to be with him and comfort them. I regret it now, though, for it's harder to imagine the Grandad I knew before his dementia progressed to that stage. Do what's best for you, your mental health is also important.