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My ex's mental health- I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by loveislove01, Mar 30, 2016.

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  1. loveislove01

    loveislove01
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    As a backstory, two months ago I broke up with my first girlfriend due to the relationship being unhealthy.

    Part of it was because she seemed like two different people sometimes.
    One of these moods she got into was negative, she would stop caring about anything/anyone, and would randomly burst into anger and constantly complain.

    The second state I often see her in is overly emotional and clingy to the point where she'd ward off people who approached us and just want me and no one else.

    I'm no mental health professional but I can see she is struggling and it is getting worse.

    -She is unable to focus on schoolwork
    -She blames this on the amount of work, even though she'd get 80% of the work done if she was able to work properly
    -She's never happy
    -She's always stressing out over things
    -Half the time, she could care less about anyone's health
    -She says stuff like "I just want to die" "There's no point in life" "What's the point of anything?"
    -She is only open emotionally towards me (half the time) and refuses to talk to anyone else
    -She feels hopeless and doesn't know what to do, yet doesn't try to think of the solution

    And I swore not to tell anyone, but she refuses to get help and I'm concerned for her mental health because I full well know what depression feels like- and even though her situation is different, it's easy to tell she's struggling...and it's not improved in the past few months at all.

    I have two questions if anyone read this far...

    1. Should I tell our guidance counselor about this? She claims she doesn't need help however there is no indication that things will get the slightest bit better. Also she doesn't trust her parents.

    2. The way she acts does hurt me, and she's quite angry a lot of the time, and negative to be around in general. I'm starting the recovery process for my acute depression/anxiety, and this is getting me down a lot. How can I keep myself healthier and be nice at the same time without being selfish?

    Please give me advice:icon_sad: This is too much to just keep to myself...and I'm highly concerned about her...

    ---------- Post added 30th Mar 2016 at 01:01 PM ----------

    As an additional fact, she rejects the idea of therapy, or even alternative methods of getting help because she doesn't want to open up to anyone as it makes her uncomfortable and she doesn't trust her parents.
     
    #1 loveislove01, Mar 30, 2016
  2. Eolwen

    Eolwen
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    1. You should definitely talk to someone about all this. If not your counsellor, maybe someone you both trust. She needs help and it would be better to get a professional to help her... You can't keep all this to yourself, it's not up to you to find a way to heal her. People like that can be incredibly destructive, even when they don't mean to and you have to care about yourself as well... :/

    2. My advice is to put some distance between her and you. You don't have to stop talking to her or to stop caring about her but maybe take some time to yourself, to change your mind. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. If she's hurting you, then taking some distance might help. She's not your responsibility, it's not your fault if she's acting the way she does. Sometimes you have to think about your own health... If you both fall into depression, nothing will get better. Everything you are doing for her shows how much you care. I don't think you can do anything more...
     
    #2 Eolwen, Mar 31, 2016
  3. Euler

    Euler
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    I don't at this stage recommend breaking her trust. Try first telling her the same things you told us and make her understand that she is making it difficult for you too. If she refuses to even look for solutions then you are going to take your distance to her as she is being harmful to you.
     
    #3 Euler, Mar 31, 2016
  4. loveislove01

    loveislove01
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    @Eolwen
    She doesn't trust anyone but me- so that's conflicting, because I don't know who to turn to. If I keep it to myself, I'll eventually break down. I was suicidal not even a month ago, and I'm still not sure I'm free of those feelings...
    But- yes..I think at some point I'll have to tell someone..

    Everyone I've told about this has said this and there's truth to it, however, it's hard. How do I distance myself without hurting her feelings? Or do it in the least damaging way possible?

    @Euler
    That's what I'm worried about. Breaking her trust, however I can tell she is getting a lot worse so it's hard because I don't want her- or anyone to get to the point where they are suicidal, or dealing with severe mental health issues.
    The thing is, at this point I'm so sensitive and quite unstable so I'll start hysterically crying at the smallest thing- so if I told her, she wouldn't react well (I can guess based on past experiences) and she'd get more angry at me and not open up to the one person she does to..

    She does refuse to do solutions, sadly.

    Again, how should I do this without hurting her feelings....?
     
    #4 loveislove01, Mar 31, 2016
  5. Euler

    Euler
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    There is no guaranteed way of not hurting her feelings. She sounds like she is in a state where anything could hurt her feelings no matter what.

    Do you know why she is reluctant to talk to her parents? Could you talk to the school psychologist but without mentioning your friend's name and ask for advice?
     
    #5 Euler, Apr 1, 2016
  6. klix

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    One of the things we are trained at my work to do with students who confide in you about something that you need to escalate is to tell them before hand that you are concerned about them and their own wellbeing so you have to talk to someone about this.

    The other thing to do is look for an equivalent to the mind charity in the UK where you can call up the help line either as a person facing mental health issue, or as a person trying to get advice and support. They might have more experience and better advise of a professional who can tell you how you can help your ex.

    The worst thing to do would be nothing and feel bad in yourself, you can talk to support organisations without saying who the person is, beyond their relationship to you.
     
    #6 klix, Apr 1, 2016
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