So I have gone through the coming out process relatively quickly. Only about 2 weeks. from denial to acceptence. I have bean doing lots of personal soul/thinking about myself. My parents are very high strung. Currently I have came out to my mom and 2 of my friends that are girls. I have bean thinking allot about my personality. I have realized that I am a very effeminate personality. I have just hidden it. I don't know why I feel like I had to hide it. I think this is a big reason to why i'm so quiet and keep to my self. I have suspicions that my dad is the one to blame for me hiding it because he has always made comments like Man up or make jokes about something that i'm like. I think my grandpa is also to blame. I used to have a piercing on my left ear and would say i'm a sissy. He also would my homophobic remarks because I had longer hair (I know it makes so sense). Inside I am a very jumpy outgoing person. But the second social situation show up I shut down and act very shallow or boring. I have noticed that if I make friends with girls I act much more open and get exited easily while talking to them as freinds. Girls have always made really good friends for me. I know that "stereotypes" are not always true. But for some of them they can be true for a majority of people. I can act extremely "girly" if I open my self up. I almost talk like a Vally girl when i'm really confortable. Some of my speech traits I don't hide are me saying the word (LIKE) allot. Almost several times in every sentence. But with family or guys I have felt like I need to deepen my voice and act/talk different. Another good example of this is youtube. Before I make videos I almost have to mentally prepare and practice how I am going to talk which can make my videos seem boring. I have 1 guy friend and I never act girlish in front of him for some reason. Im not attracted to him at all. So thats not it. I am just trying to figure out myself and put the pieces together. I want to overcome this automatic hiding thing I do. But I feel like I would be i'm embarrassed or scared to show myself. I am really exited to get out of my sheltered life and make freinds and be myself. I am posting this just for some advice or question or responses. I have no one except the internet to talk to openly.
