I've found myself lacking in almost all motivation to do anything within what I believe to have only been the past 2 months. I've fallen behind in my studies, which in effect makes me feel like catching up less, so I fall even further behind (if that makes sense). I've had a 2 week school holiday and i've found myself doing little else other than being in my bedroom all day, doing pretty much nothing. Even before the school holidays I would rarely do anything outside of school. Every time I think I should do something such as catch up on school work or clean up- basically do something good for once, I end up asking myself things like "What's the use?", because I just don't see a reason to do anything. So say my grades get better, but for what purpose? I'm almost 18 and still have no idea what I wish to do in life. I don't really hang out with my friends as much anymore. Even just 2 days ago, I opted out of playing this game we play every so often. I felt like I was just being annoying for being there and they'd rather me not be there anyway. I've also found myself to have put on weight since the start of this year- if that means anything, I guess? Last year, many friends and family members complimented me on my appearance, since I was looking fit. However now, I keep looking at myself and just see myself as fat. and then there's the romance life. Having not come out I've never had any romantic relationships of any sort. Every single crush i've ever had was on some straight friend of mine or something who i'd never have a chance ever with. So I effectively keep telling myself to just not bother believing in any sort of romantic love in my future. It doesn't seem to be worth the pain, I guess. Having no desire for a relationship because of this, also removed my desire to even come out. I have no reason for people to know that i'm gay anyway. What good would that do, aside from elevate my chances of being bullied, discriminated against and overall just be disadvantaged in that aspect? There's probably a lot more I could say, but I grow tired. What happened to me? What should I do? I don't want to be told it's depression, so I seek help and it turns out i'm just wasting everyone's time. TL;DR: I've pretty much lost all motivation to do... really anything, and envy the way I used to be.
I'm afraid it does sound like depression, so if you did seek help you really wouldn't be wasting everyone's time. All of the things you describe are classic symptoms of depression and it's very hard to deal with it alone. The sooner we seek help and support with depression the sooner we recover. Leave it though and it may get worse and the road to recovery will be that much harder. As a starting point I would visit your doctor and if he/she suggests therapy I would go with it. Nobody really likes the idea, but I don't know anybody who likes being low and depressed either.
